Even if you have a clue on what is going on in Florida, you already know that 90% of jokes about the state will be about its wacky weather that simply amazes the rest of the country. It’s only in Florida that you find people skinny dipping in the winter month. For a place that is both extremely hot and suffers from regular hurricanes, it sure is an interesting state. Have a good laugh with our funny Florida jokes.
Here are some jokes that will help you appreciate the state. We hope they help brighten your day.
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Funny Jokes about Florida
Want some Florida humor? We got you covered. Florida is such a lovely place to be if you want to have some fun! There are plenty of activities for you to try. Don’t miss going to the beach. While you are planning your weekend getaway, check out our hilarious Florida jokes!
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Everything in Florida is in the 80s.
The Temperature, the Humidity, the Average Age, and the IQ.
One blonde says to another blonde: “Which is further away Florida or the moon?”
The other blonde replies: “Well dah. Can you see Florida from here?!”
What happens when Trump gets “jinx” called on him by the Vice President while campaigning in Florida?
He has to buy Mike Pensacola.
It’s a good thing Gatorade was created by the University of Florida.
If it had been Florida State, they’d call it Seminole Fluid.
A Florida man was arrested for stealing a truck filled with $76,000 worth of Campbell’s soup.
I, for one, hope this guy goes away for ‘Mmm, mmm, good!’
Boxes of previously uncounted ballots have been found in Florida.
Associated Press is now declaring the State of Florida for Al Gore.
Ohio man forgoes food for 46 day “Beer Diet”…
…Florida Man…it appears you have competition.
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Two women in Florida were arrested this week after posing as old ladies in order to get a Covid vaccine.
Two kids in a trench coat got away with with the same idea, but only one got vaccinated.
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It’s called Fuchsville, where we grow our own fuchs, and keep them.
Why would I give such a rare thing to someone else?
Heard on the FAA radio frequency after Trump is dropped off in Florida:
“Air Force one just took a number two, over”
What do Tom Brady and Robert Kraft still have in common?
They go to Florida for happy endings.
Florida Weather Jokes
Whatever the weather is, may it be winter or summer, all you need is a little joke to keep you company. Uncover these new jokes with us! You will end up having a good laugh at the messed-up weather of Florida. Laugh out loud with our Florida winter jokes and more!
I always get a little sad during hurricane season in south Florida…
…you could say I have tropical depression.
What’s the difference between Donald Trump and a Jet Engine?
The jet engine stops whining when it gets to Florida.
I live in Florida.
It’s a farming town near the southern coast.
Did you hear about the blackout in Florida?
People were stuck on the escalators for 4 hrs.
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A man in Florida has been caught on CCTV stealing police car tires.
Police are reported to be working tirelessly to catch the thief.
It is in the news today that Florida is having its first remote trial via zoom.
It looks like things will be settled out of court.
Florida man fires gun at a retail store.
It was target.
Fall is the most beautiful time in Florida, really…
All the license plates start changing colors.
I was bitten by a Great White while vacationing in Florida.
I think he used the term “Superior Aryan,” but either way, that was one coked-out skinhead.
How many Florida men do you need before you can make change for a dollar?
You can’t. Nobody in Florida has any cents.
WNBA announces plan to play abbreviated 22-game season in Florida beginning in late July without fans in attendance.
Come on. Do I even have to type the punchline for this one?
According to latest news the current Governor of Florida used to own and run his own alligator farm. So not only does he have experience with horrible scaly reptiles.
He’s also worked with alligators too.
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2020 was like…
an alternate universe where we were all living in Florida.
Two guys from Florida die and wake up in hell.
I mean, where else would they go?
Sarcastic Jokes About Florida
How can we distinguish humor from sarcasm? It is hard to tell – especially when we are talking about Florida. Laugh till you drop with our hilarious, sarcastic jokes about Florida.
The pink, plastic birds that are popular lawn ornaments in Florida…
Are they called, “Placebo Flamingos”?
2 Florida men get into a fight.
I have no idea what happened, but I’m sure it’ll end up on the news.
Why do Central Florida fans smell so bad?
So blind people can hate them too.
What’s the difference between the lost city of Atlantis and Florida?
About 3 days.
It’s freezing in Florida, which means iguanas might start falling from trees. All the old people aren’t too worried about this though.
They’re used to a reptile dysfunction.
I went to Florida yesterday and a cop asked me if I have a criminal record.
I said “No, is that still required?”
What color is the sky in Florida right now?
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What do you call a Mormon from Florida?
A Fort Lauderdale saint.
My friend asked, “Aren’t you concerned Florida will be submerged from climate change?”
My reply was, I thought that’s what we were all trying to do, then we will stop.
One day, not too far off, Florida will be an entirely Blue state.
With the sea level rising, it’ll be underwater.
Did you hear about the Florida Gator fan who tried to blow up the Tennessee team bus?
He burned his lip on the tailpipe.
I am finally living my dream.
I bought land in Kissimmee Florida and opened my own donkey farm!
If you are in the area, stop by and see me at the Kissimmee Ass Ranch!
A Mexican was kidnapped and taken to one of the Florida keys as prisoner, one day he found a phone and was able to contact the authorities, when asked where he was, he said: Akey
The first Jewish president becomes elected in the United States. After a couple months in office, he decides to fly his mother up for a visit from her retirement home in Florida.
A limo arrives at the mother’s door to pick her up, and she is driven to the airport where Air Force One is waiting to fly her straight to Washington DC. Another limo picks her up from the D.C. airport, taking her to the White House.
The gatekeeper at the White House, not knowing whom the guest is, exclaims to the mother, “Wow! you must know somebody very important to get special treatment like this!”
“Well of course”, the mother replies, “the president is brother to my son, the Doctor!”
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In elderly man and his wife are on their way to Florida for vacation.
He pulls into a gas station to refuel. As he’s refueling, a guy at the next pump next pump says “I see you’re from Ohio”.
The man replies “Yes I am”
His wife (a little hard of hearing) yells out of the window “What’d he say”?
The husband say’s “He noticed that we are from Ohio”.
The guy at the next pump then says “I used to date a girl from Ohio. That was the worst sex I ever had”.
The woman leans out of the window and yells “What’d he say”?
Her husband replies, “He thinks he knows you”!
Florida Puns and Florida One-liners
When you are from Florida, you are probably not scared of hurricanes until you see them coming on a sunny day, and you have to run. Run while bursting with laughter with the best Florida puns and one-liners that we have compiled.
What do you call a polar bear living in Florida?
A solar bear.
What do you call a bear that practices dentistry?
A molar bear.
What do you call someone from Florida with lots of teeth who likes to spend money on the stock market?
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Apparently Florida has the highest rate of infidelity in the country…
It’s an unfortunate state of affairs.
I once knew a guy who went to a party in Florida and got so drunk that he woke up in Alabama.
As you can imagine, he wasn’t in a very good state.
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What’s the opposite of Florida?
The ceiling, duh.
My wife just told me that a pizza restaurant in Florida exploded…
I said, “The owner probably had insurance and kneaded the dough.”
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My family drove past the highest point in Florida on our way to the beach…
The trip was all downhill from there.
What do you call a rodent drama set in Florida?
What did the Redneck Hurricane say to Florida?
Irma get you!
I want to go to Florida, but I’m worried about that tzatziki virus.
I heard it makes you falafel.
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Someone asked if I was moving to Florida permanently.
I replied it was only Tamparary.
Funny Jokes About Summer Heat
In Florida, they don’t need to wear winter gear during winter! Like, seriously, Florida! Embrace Florida’s weird weather with our funny jokes about the summer heat.
What do toads drink on a hot summer days?
Ice cold Croak-o-cola.
What do fans do at hot, summer soccer games?
What did the bee do when it was hot?
Took off his yellow jacket.
What do you give a puppy on a really hot day?
How do you help someone during a heat wave?
Give them lemon-ade.
What is the coolest letter on a hot summer day?
Funny Miami Jokes
Get some gist on some of our funny Miami jokes. It’s time to laugh out loud at these jokes with your friends and families. The punchline is yours to tell.
Do you want to know a good Jewish wine?
Ma, when are we going to Miami?
Did you hear about that giant cooling device in Florida?
It was a Miami heat fan.
What do University of Miami, Florida State, and University of Florida football fans have in common?
None attended the University of Miami.
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What is red and smells like blue Froot Loops?
The murder-suicide scene at Toucan Sam’s Miami penthouse.
Florida Knock Knock Jokes
Who doesn’t love juicy knock-knock jokes? I know we want it! We have some entertaining jokes about Florida. Have a share of a good laugh with these best punch knock-knock jokes we collected for you.
Florida room is sticky.
Yoo hoo! Big summer blow out!
Florida bathroom is wet!
Ice cream who?
Ice cream if you don’t let me in!
Water you going to wear to the beach?
Funny Florida Gator Jokes
Are you a Gator’s fan? Don’t get offended to these funny Florida gator jokes. Share with your colleagues while watching the game. Skim through these jokes that only true Gators fans will laugh the hardest.
FLORIDA: We don’t just cheat in football.
Little Johnny runs up to his mother and says, “Mommy, mommy! I want to be a gator when I grow up!”
Mom answers, “Now Johnny, you know you can’t do both.”
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A guy walks into a bar and says, “Hey barkeep, did you ever hear the one about the Florida Gators?”
Four huge men stand up and approach the man.
One of them says, “We play football at UF, you wanna tell that joke to us?”
The guy replies, “What? And have to explain it four times?”
What is the definition of safe sex down in Gainesville?
Placing signs on the animals that kick.
If you have a car containing a Gator wide receiver, a Gator linebacker, and a Gator defensive back, who is driving the car?
How many Gators does it take to tackle Herschel Walker?
I don’t know, but it’s more than eleven!
What is the difference between a Gator fan’s car and a Porcupine?
The Porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
What is the difference between Coach Urban Meyers and a litter of puppies?
Eventually, the puppies will grow up and stop whining.
Why is the Florida mascot a Gator?
It was the only thing ugly enough.
How can you become a small-business owner in Florida?
Get a large business and let a Florida grad run it for you.
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If a stupid blonde, a smart Gator student, and Santa Claus were playing cards, who would win?
The stupid blonde, the other two don’t exist.
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Why can’t they put on a live Nativity scene at Christmas at the University of Florida?
They can’t find three wise men and a virgin.
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What do you call a Florida player wearing a suit and tie?
What do they call a “huddle” at Florida Field?
A Drug Ring.
Funny Florida Quotes
Florida is such an amazing place to be if you’re looking for a taste of island life. It is full of life! Laugh hard with famous quotes about Florida and funny Florida sayings that we have compiled for you.
“A prosthetic leg with a Willie Nelson bumper sticker washed ashore on the beach, which meant it was Florida. Then it got weird.” – Tim Dorsey
“They call Florida the “Sunshine State,” which is funny because in the twelve years I lived here, it was only sunny for like twenty minutes – when the eye of the hurricane passed over my house.” – Seth Lyon
“I love baseball. I’ll probably end up one of those old farts who go to spring training in Florida every year and drive from game to game all day.” – Steve Earle
“Sometimes I think I’ve figured out some order in the universe, but then I find myself in Florida.” – Susan Orlean
“I like Florida. Everything is in the 80’s. The temperatures, the ages and the IQ’s.” – George Carlin
“A lot of people stop short. They don’t actually die but they say, ‘Right I’m old, and I’m going to retire,’ and then they dwindle into nothing. They go off to Florida and become jolly boring.” – Mary Wesley
“It’s always sunny in the Sunshine State. Except for at night.” – Jarod Kintz
“I was never good at scratching, but I was good at collecting old records. Florida was a great place for that, because it’s where people go to die.” – Diplo
“I spent a few years cutting my teeth in the Midwest; I worked for Ring of Honor, then I went down to Florida and relearned everything there.” – Seth Rollins
“We are not exposed to ice much in Florida.” – Brittany Bowe
“It’s Florida. Hair is just an extra sweater I’m forced to wear.” – Emma Gonzalez
“You know how only you can insult your own family? That’s how I feel about Florida.” – Danielle Schneider
“I grew up in Boca Raton, Florida – the worst place on earth.” – Eric Andre
“I live in Florida and people are crazy here. And I say that lovingly.” – Amy Seimetz
“My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that’s the law.” – Jerry Seinfeld
“The one thing I did learn at Florida State, I learned to talk trash, believe that.” – Randy Moss
Bonus: I Love Florida Quotes
Can’t get enough with our funny quotes about Florida? Well, we have more quotes for you. Here, we compiled the best quotes to intensify your love for our Sunshine State. Get hooked into these lines and be entertained. Let that smirk transport you to that beautiful world that is Florida.
“I love Florida. I love the beach. I love the sound of the crashing surfers against the rocks.” – Emo Philips
“The miracle of the light pours over the green and brown expanse of saw grass and of water, shining and slow-moving below, the grass and water that is the meaning and the central fact of the Everglades of Florida. It is a river of grass.” – Marjorie Stoneman Douglas
“I am absolutely convinced that Florida will become the most exciting place in the world to live and work.” – Rick Scott
“I live in Florida, and when people ask how close to the beach I am, I say, “Twelve minutes or twelve hours. Depends on which beach you want to go.” – Jarod Kintz
Extra: Funny It is So Hot Jokes
Its so hot jokes! Want to make someone laugh to beat the heat? Let’s cool those balmy days down, folks! We rounded up below some great jokes to get you laughing so hot.
It’s so hot everyone is wearing sweat pants.
It’s so hot the birds are using oven mitts to pull worms out the ground.
It’s so hot I bought a loaf of bread and by the time I got home it was toast.
It’s so hot global warming has been replaced by global melting.
It’s so hot Adam and Eve traded their fig leaves for ice cubes.
It’s so hot firecrackers light themselves.
It’s so hot the cows are producing evaporated milk.
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It’s so hot that I have taken to leaving the toilet seat up just to get those chilling, icy stares from my wife.
It’s so hot chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs.
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It’s so hot I started putting ice-cubes in my waterbed.
It’s so hot even my wife’s heart is melting.
It’s so hot you can wash and dry your clothes at the same time.
It’s so hot I almost called my ex so I could be around something shady.
It’s so hot even the artificial flowers are dying.
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It’s so hot I saw two hydrants fight over a dog.
It’s so hot my Pop Tarts popped.
It’s so hot E. L. James titled her next book “Fifty Shades of Red”.
It’s so hot you can’t make a chili dog.
It’s so hot I saw the Devil in Wal-Mart buying an air conditioner.
It’s so hot all chocolate is hot chocolate.
It’s so hot I set the house on fire just to cool off.
It’s so hot even white collar workers are red necks.
It’s so hot that hot water now comes out of both taps.
It’s so hot my thermometer goes up to “Are you kidding me?”
It’s so hot Optimus Prime transformed into an air conditioner.
It’s so hot I saw a cop chasing a thief and they were both walking.
It’s so hot your clothes iron themselves.
It’s so hot I saw a chicken lay an omelette.
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It’s so hot the Statue of Liberty was asked to lower her arm.
It’s so hot the frozen pizza I bought at the grocery store was ready to eat by the time I got home.
It’s so hot the catfish are already fried when you catch them.
It’s so hot you realize asphalt has a liquid state.
It’s so hot in the Apple store because they have no Windows.
It’s so hot outside that I poured McDonald’s hot coffee on my lap just to cool off.
It’s so hot my dream house is an igloo.
It’s so hot Jehovah’s Witnesses started tele-marketing.
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It’s so hot I saw a squirrel picking up nuts with pot holders.
It’s so hot I discovered my seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.
It’s so hot I got condensation on my butt from the water in the toilet bowl.
Summary about Funny and Sunny Florida Jokes
Did you enjoy hilarious Florida jokes that we have compiled for you? We hope you did because we surely are! If you want some more, we collected more funny jokes for you:
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