Looking for some lockdown jokes to send to your friends, families or maybe do a Tik-Tok video with them? Welcome to our funny lockdown jokes collection, so we can add some humor to this not so funny situation… We are adding and adding jokes to this collection regularly, as lock-downs are re-appearing and taking longer than expected.
If you need more jokes to cheer you up, check out:
Lockdown one-liners and Puns
Let’s start with the one-liners jokes, as they are easier to remember. I know you will wanna more after reading them, so here you have more lockdown jokes.
- During isolation: I finished 3 books yesterday. And believe me. That’s a lot of… coloring.
- Why does leaving the house feel like I’m making a supply run on an episode of the walking dead?
- The buttons of my jeans have started social distancing from each other.
- Why isn’t anyone talking about how the last normal day we had was Friday the 13th?
- Flirt in 2021 be like: Blink if you want me.
- I heard government is putting chips inside of people. I hope I get Doritos.
- I’ll tell you a coronavirus joke now, but you’ll have to wait two weeks to see if you got it!
- Maybe they should call this the squirrel flue cause everybody’s nuts and hoarding everything.
- What did the sick parent make their kids for lunch? Mac and sneeze!
- After the lockdown I’ll either be a great cook or an alcoholic.
- October 2050: James opened the last roll of toilet paper brought by his parents in 2020.
- Nothing like relaxing on the couch after a long day of being tense on the couch!
- At this point, if a clown invited me into the woods, I’d just go.
- So many coronavirus jokes out there, it’s a pundemic!
- Yeah, I have plans tonight. I’ll probably hit the living room around 8 or 9!
- Before lockdown I was lazy. During lockdown I became lazy max pro ultimate.
- 2020 needs to just pull over and let me the hell out. I’ll walk bro.
- As summer arrives, do we put our shorts or do we just cut the legs off our pajamas?
- The lock down got people acting like the first season fo the Walking dead.
Best Lockdown Jokes
We know we are all tired about lock-downs and pro-castinating our lives… aren’t we? Memes, songs, and videos help us in this moments, as well as a good laugh. Let us help with the laugh part.
Dear extroverts, you will survive this.
Dear introverts, quit laughing!
They’re new to this social distancing.
This is the longest something “Made in China” has ever lasted.
2020 was a Unique leap year.
It had 29 days in February, 300 days in March and 5 days in April.
They said a mask and gloves where enough to go to the grocery store.
They lied, everybody else had clothes on.
If breweries can produce sanitizer, why can’t newspapers produce toilet paper?
Half of what they print now is crap anyway.
I swear, we are fighting two pandemics:
Coronavirus and stupidity.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because the chicken behind it didn’t know how to socially distance properly!
Nail salons, hair salons, waxing centers and tanning places are closed.
It’s about to get ugly out there!
Sleep, eat , repeat. Regards 2020.
What is the best way to avoid touching your face?
A glass of wine in each hand!
When lockdown started…
If you need 144 rolls of toilet paper before lockdown, you probably should have been seeing a doctor.
After the 3rd Lockdown…
“Who has to see the doctor now?”
A cat looking from the window:
Why are all humans wearing muzzles?
Did they all bite someone?
Read more cat jokes here
Who’s idea was it to sing “Happy Birthday” while washing your hands?
Now every time I go to the bathroom, my kids expect me to walk out with a cake!
10th day in lock down:
Wife: Do you want anything to eat?
Husband: What are the choices?
Wife: Yes or fucking no.
I would never have believed that a few weeks of uncut hair would weigh 20 pounds but that’s what the scale says.
The longer this lockdown goes the harder it will be to return to a society where pants and bras are required.
It might take a village to raise a child, but I swear it’s gonna take a vineyard to homeschool one.
Remember laughing at Michael Jackson for wearing a mask and gloves?
Now you are all out there looking like you wanna be starting something.
My husband and I went grocery shopping with masks.
Got home, took of masks, and realized I brought home the wrong husband.
Stay alert people!
Can’t believe I lived in 6 different decades:
First time in history we can save the human race by laying in front of the TV and doing nothing. Let’s not screw this up.
Day 121 at home and the dog is looking at me like,
“See? This is why I chew the furniture!”
First rule after lock down: Never talk about lock down.
I ran out of toilet paper and had to start using old newspapers. The Times are rough!
Lock down be like:
SUNDAY, MONDAY, TUESDAY, WEDNESDAY, THURSDAY, FRIDAY, SATURDAY
If corona virus isn’t about beer, why do I keep seeing cases of it?
If there’s a baby boom nine months from now, what will happen in 2033?
There will be a whole bunch of quaran-teens.
Where do sick boats go to get healthy?
When Elementary School students finally will be able to go back to school after lockdown they will be university students.
My mum always told me I wouldn’t accomplish anything by lying in bed all day.
But look at me now! I’m saving the world!
The year is 2065.
Grandson: Grandma, why do you like sitting outside?
Grandma: There was a time this was illegal.
Me: I miss my friends so much.
My friends: Let’s make a video call!
Also me: No, thanks.
Covid Jokes for the office
During this lock down many people had to work from home, so the office life got transformed quite a lot. Meetings are zoom calls but you still can cheer up your co-workers with some funny office jokes. Feel free to send these to them!
Read: boss jokes and puns
When you have to carry a note to prove your job is an essential job.
Who knew we would need a permission slip to go to work?
Are those “work pajamas” or “normal pajamas”?
Due to Covid-19, I will no longer allow hand shaking or giving hugs.
You may bow to me or give me the finger.
Me: This show is boring.
Boss: Again, this is a Zoom conference.
Is it only me who sees Zoom meetings same as the Muppet show?
I overslept this morning and was late getting to the living room!
Why didn’t the sick guy get the joke?
It flu over his head!
Skipping work during lockdown is very easy, you just have to unmute your mic in the Zoom meeting.
Parents lockdown jokes
Not an easy time to be a patient, we know! Days seem longer now that you are with the kids 24/7 for sure, but just make some room to laugh a bit every day. You know what they say, a joke a day, keeps the doctor away.
Back in my day the only time we started panic buying was when the bartender yelled “Last Call”.
I’m not talking to myself,
I’m having a parent-teacher conference!
Does anyone know the number that parents are suppose to call if we need a substitute teacher?
Parents that tell teachers how to do their jobs: Lock down is your moment to shine!
2019: Get off your phone and go outside.
2021: Get on your phone and stay inside.
Home schooling is going just great.
Two students suspender for fighting and one teacher fired for drinking on the job.
Going to feel bad for all the teachers next year who hear the following sentence from their students.
“That’s not how my mom taught me to do it” .
During lockdown, many parents discovered that the teacher wasn’t the problem.
My friends just called me from jail and asked. “What are you doing?” I said “Nothing, we are on lock down too”.
A couple of weeks isolation with the family. What could be wrong?
Two grandmothers were bragging about their precious darlings.
One of them says to the other:
“Mine are so good at social distancing, they won’t even call me!”
My daughter got dressed in nice clothes and said it was picture day at school (her school is our kitchen table now).
It was either a very sweet moment or the sign that the kid is starting to crack…
Either way, I charged her 30$ for a 12 picture package.
In an airport queuing during lock down times:
Thanks good the virus can’t move sideways.
Since we’re all in quarantine I guess we’ll be making only inside jokes from now on!
Covid-19 is what made us start experiencing lock-downs all over the world, so it makes sense that we have a full section dedicated to Rona.
You realized how isolate you have ben when a world pandemic happens and you don’t have to make any changes to your lifestyle.
13: I am the worst number.
666: No, I am the worst number…
2002: Bit***s, please..
Did you hear the joke about covid-19?
Never mind, I don’t want to spread it around!
When you are tired of hearing about corona…
Put the mask on your ear!
The amount of jokes about coronavirus has reached worrying numbers.
Scientists claim we are in the middle of a pun-demic.
What’s the difference between Covid-19 and Romeo and Juliet?
One’s the coronavirus and the other is a Verona crisis!
During lockdown, every time we felt a tickle in our throat we asked ourselves: Is that you, Rona?
Self isolation it’s hard during the first 5 years, then you get used to it.
Back in my day, you would cough to cover up a fart.
Now, with Covid-19, you fart to cover up a cough.
I ‘m deeply disturbed by how may people seem to see washing their hands as a new thing.
I wish corona could’ve started in Las Vegas because “What happens in Las Vegas stay in Vegas”.
This is the first year I am not going to Fiji due to lockdown restrictions.
I usually don’t go because I’m poor.
I don’t like the fact that my chances of survival seem to be linked to the common sense of others.
Kids are learning plenty of hand-washing songs during this lockdown.
What should you do if you don’t understand a coronavirus joke?
Jokes about what we do during Lock down
Daily lives changed all around the world! As we could see from the social media platforms: many people started to learn cooking and many other different activities… or not so many 😉
Ordering pizza in lockdown be like:
Leave it on the doorstep and get the hell outta here!
Now that I lived trough an actual plague, I totally understand why Italian renaissance paintings are full of naked fat people laying on couches.
I swear my fridge just said:
“What the hell do you want now!”
The lockdown has turned us all into dogs.
We roam the house looking for food,
we’re told no if we get too close to strangers
and we really get excited about car rides and walks.
Read: 78 animal jokes.
I need to practice social distancing from the refrigerator.
My husband purchased a world map and then gave me a dart and said:
“Throw this and wherever it lands – that’s where I’m taking you when this pandemic ends.”
Turns out, we’re spending two weeks behind the fridge!
If I keep stress-eating at this level, the buttons on my shirt will start socially distancing from each other!
Anybody else feels like they’ve cooked dinner about 6,187 times this lockdown?
April fools day during lockdown was cancelled:
No made up prank could match the unbelievable sh** going on in the world.
Finding zen in lockdown will be sitting in all your paper rolls instead of your yoga cushion.
Let’s play a fun lockdown game.
Someone leave a bottle of wine on my doorstep and I’ll try to guess who it was.
The lockdown got people thinking they are chefs, bakers, gym instructors, etc…
Like we are watching Lockdown got talent!
Day 25 of lockdown:
Someone past my house.
A stranger… from the outside…
I am not sure what is scarier at this point, taking my temperature or weighing myself.
Dear World, how is the lockdown going?
You know what they say:
Feed a cold, starve a fever, drink a corona!
I ate 12 times and took 5 naps and it’s still today.
The World Health Organization announced that dogs cannot contract Covid-19.
Dogs previously held in quarantine can now be released.
To be clear, WHO let the dogs out.
Read: funniest dog jokes
Ran out of toilet paper and started using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg, tomorrow romaines to be seen!
So you are staying inside, practicing social distancing and cleaning yourself?
Congratulations my friends, you’ve become a house cat.
Lockdown Day 14:
Today, I melted an ice cube with my mind just by staring at it.
It took a lot longer than I thought it would.
Quote of the day in 2020:
“You’re on Mute”.
In the film “Back to the Future” Covid Edition:
Marty, whatever happens, don’t ever go to 2020!
If face masks work then why do business need to close?
If face masks don’t work then why are we forced to wear it?
Experts recommend keeping your daily rituals even while working from home,
so I just handle the bathroom curtain bar every morning while washing my teeth, as if I were standing in the metro on my way to work.
Lockdown could mean anything…
14 days, 3 months, 7 months… 3 years.
I imagine by now that a lot of husbands are ready to build that she shed.
I never thought the comment “I wouldn’t touch them with a six-foot pole“, would become a national policy, but here we are!
New monthly budget:
Summary Jokes for Lockdown
So here you have the funniest lockdown jokes I found around summarized in a unique article. Do you need more? Jokes I mean, not lock downs and reestrictions.
Read the best lockdown jokes here.
And if you wanna change the subject, I do recommend you to read: