Jokes

82 HILARIOUS Texas Jokes That Are Perfect For Cowboys Like You!

84 HILARIOUS Texas Jokes That Are Perfect For Cowboys Like You!

Looking for the hilarious joke of the day to share with friends? Join me in indulging ourselves in this amazing compilation of 100 funny jokes to tell your friends and whole family that will truly make you giggle with glee. Humor of any kind is indispensable in rough times. With all the uncertainties brought about by natural phenomena and global pandemics, uproarious jokes are a must. Laughter is indeed a powerful tool to combat anxieties and fear for such a time like this. It is still the best medicine so have a good laugh and brighten up your day! Funny Jokes to Tell Your Friends Chums, pals, comrades, buddies, and alter egos. Whatever you call them, just being around them will be an abundant joyous moment. Gather together and read these funny jokes to tell people that are special to you will truly be an unforgettable, hilarious experience. Truly sorrows and loneliness will flee away. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta! What kind of shorts do clouds wear? Thunder pants. Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards? He was just going through a stage. What do pampered cows produce? Spoiled milk. Why did the cat run away from the tree? It was afraid of the bark! What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator. What does a house wear? Address! How do you fix a broken tomato? Tomato paste! What do dentists call their x-rays? Tooth pics! Why did the melon jump into the lake? It wanted to be a water-melon. Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers? He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them. Why are pirates called pirates? Because they arrrr! Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. “Get out of here!”, shouts the bartender. “We don’t serve your type.” Can February March? No, but April May! What do you call a cold dog? A chili dog! I got fired from my job at the bank today. An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over. What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter? An irrelephant. Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don’t think they’ll fit me. Why do you smear peanut butter on the road? To go with the traffic jam. Where did Napoleon keep his armies? In his sleevies. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space. Did you hear about the guy who stole a calendar? He got 12 months; they say his days are numbered. I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now. There are two types of people in the world, those who can extrapolate from incomplete data. What’s the best part about living in Switzerland? Not sure, but the flag is a big plus. Why did the dog cross the road? To get to the barking lot! A nurse told me, “Sorry for the wait!” I replied, “It’s alright, I’m patient.” Working in a mirror factory is something I could totally see myself doing. I’m terrified of elevators, so I’m going to start taking steps to avoid them. Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 ate 9! Grandma: Back in our days, you could buy bread, milk, soaps, spices, eggs, meat, all for a dollar. Little Kid: You can’t do that now. They have CCTVs everywhere! When your teacher asks “Where’s your homework?” It took a sick day. It had too many problems. Why won’t it hurt if you hit your friend with a 2-liter of soda? Because it’s a soft drink! What gets wetter the more it dries? A towel! Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because it did not peel well. A magician was driving down the road and turned into a driveway. Why did the restaurant hire a pig? He was good at bacon. Why is it a bad idea to iron your four-leaf clover? You shouldn't press your luck. Why wouldn’t the sesame seed leave the casino? He was on a roll. What do sprinters eat before a race? Nothing — they fast. Why did the restaurant on the moon get bad reviews? It has no atmosphere. How does Moses make his coffee? Hebrews it. Why is it so cheap to throw a party at a haunted house? The ghosts bring all the boos. Where do pirates get their hooks? Second hand stores. What do you call a beehive without an exit? Unbelievable. Just finished a box of Corn Flakes. You can check out my cereal killer Netflix special next Tuesday. A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Why the long face?” I stayed up all night and tried to figure out where the sun was. Then it dawned on me. I invented a new word! Plagiarism! Why should you never trust stairs? They’re always up to something. Hear about the new restaurant called Karma? There’s no menu: You get what you deserve. A bear walks into a bar and says, “Give me a whiskey and … cola.” “Why the big pause?”, asks the bartender. The bear shrugged. “I’m not sure; I was born with them.” What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved. Why were the parents so afraid of the energy drink? It was a Monster! How many tickles does it take to get an octopus to laugh? Ten tickles. The first rule of the Alzheimer’s club is… Wait, where are we again? Why did the farmer win an award? He was out standing in his field! I told my doctor that I had broken my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places. Why do melons have weddings? Because they cantaloupe! Just went to an emotional wedding — even the cake was in tiers. My teachers told me I’d never amount to much since I procrastinate so much. I told them, “Just you wait!” How much teddy bears never want to eat anything? Because they’re always stuffed. Dad Jokes Though there is an age gap between father and son, humorous jokes can bridge the gap. Create some new memories by laughing and having joyful times together. Come and experience full joy by reading these amusing dad jokes. What did one hat say to the other hat? You stay here, I’ll go on a head. What's the new CBS sitcom 50 lbs about? Nicole Richie's weight! I have many jokes about rich kids—sadly none of them work. Who is your mother? Our great Soviet country. How do you find Will Smith in a snowstorm? You look for fresh prints. Why should you always knock on a refrigerator door before opening it? In case there's a salad dressing. What happens when frogs park illegally? They get toad. Why won't swords ever become obsolete? They're cutting edge technology. Why is it a bad idea to eat a clock? It's too time-consuming. What kind of shoes do burglars wear? Sneakers. What job did the frog have at the hotel? Bellhop. Why did the kid cross the playground? To get to the other slide. What do you call a cow that won’t give milk? A milk dud. Two guys walked into a bar. The third guy ducked. How do you get a country girl’s attention? A tractor. Why are elevator jokes so classic and good? They work on many levels. What do you call a pudgy psychic? A four-chin teller. Corny Jokes Are you bored and want to make your day more interesting? Well, you are on the right page because we’ve compiled these amusing corny jokes that can make you laugh hard all day and make your day a fun one! Why should you not marry a tennis player? Love is Blind. Why do bees have sticky hair? They use a honeycomb. Why can’t you trust duck doctors? They’re all quacks. Why is Peter Pan always flying? He Neverlands. What do you call a toothless bear? A gummy bear. Why are spiders so smart? They can find everything on the web. Why was the ghost so tired? He worked the graveyard shift. How can you tell it’s a dogwood tree? By the bark. When is a door not a door? When it’s ajar. How do snails fight? They slug it out. Which bear is the most condescending? A pan-duh! What do you call an angry carrot? A steamed veggie. Why do ghosts like to ride in elevators? It lifts their spirits. Short Funny Jokes Sometimes we feel sad because of problems or stress. That’s why we’ve rounded up these hilarious short funny jokes for you that can help to keep your day going. What did the police officer say to his belly-button? You’re under a vest. What kind of noise does a witch’s vehicle make? Brrrroooom, brrroooom. What’s brown and sticky? A stick. You can’t trust atoms. They make up everything! Why do mushrooms get invited to all the best parties? He was a fun-gi! What has four wheels and flies? Garbage truck. Why was the torch happy? It was lit. What’s a plant’s favorite drink? Root beer! Who cleans the ocean? Mer-maids! What's a lawyer's favorite drink? Subpoena colada. What's brown and sticky? A stick. What do you call a sad cup of coffee? Depresso. How do you make a water bed bouncier? Add spring water. Summary From kids to adults, everyone loves a great joke. If you are sad or lonely, these jokes can make you feel better, and the saying that “Laughter is the best medicine” is true. Every day is a challenge, so bring these jokes around to make your everyday lives much easier and happier. Feel free to use them if you like these jokes, and remember always to have fun! New Year Jokes Hilarious Jokes for Adults

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