Funny Weekend Jokes

As you struggle through the week, here are some weekend jokes that will keep you motivated as you anticipate the arrival of Friday. if there is one thing many of us are looking forward to, it is the weekend. this is the time of our lives when we can catch up on sleep, stay out late with friends and be lazy without any worries.

with the arrival of Monday, it seems impossible to enjoy the pleasures of the weekend. but what if you had jokes that wouldn’t only make your weekend fun, but will also keep you prepared for the coming weekends? We’ve compiled a list of weekend jokes that can fit in any setting. from plain simple jokes to dark humor and even some funny pick up lines you can use at the bar. if you plan on having a laughter-filled weekend, then you are on the right page.

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Laugh more (or less): Hilarious Monday Jokes to lighten the mood

Best Funny Weekend Jokes

On the weekend, I like to play chess with elderly men in the park. But it’s becoming increasingly harder.. find exactly 32 of them.

Laugh more: Funny Dad Jokes

I went to a beautiful wedding this weekend.

It was so emotional. Even the cake was in tiers.

I think weekends are made in China.

They don’t last very long.

I think weekends are made in China

My 3 watts blue laser pointer finally arrived and I played with it over the weekend.

I can no longer see why people say these devices were so dangerous.

A Vincent Van Gogh painting was stolen this weekend from a Dutch Museum.

Now it’s Vincent Van Gone.

Had an amazing time Bobsleighing last weekend.

I slayed 28 Bobs!!

I’m throwing a COVID-19 party this weekend.

None of you are invited.

I was going to go greyhound racing this weekend but decided against it…

They’re too fast. I’d never win.

My boss said, “I find it highly suspicious that you are only sick on weekdays.”

I said, “It must be my weekend immune system.”

Laugh more: Funny Boss Jokes

I think we should swap the weekend days

Because Sundays are definitely sadder days.

I think we should swap the weekend days because Sundays are definitely sadder days

How much fun did the priest have on the weekend?


Who won the Superbowl?

Tune in after the weekend to find out

My weekend is looking like a poorly organized herb gardener.

Nothing but thyme on my hands.

Laugh more: Hilarious Garden Jokes

Trying new things, decided to try to smoke a fish this weekend…

Just couldn’t figure out which end to light!

I hope they serve cookies at the Royal Wedding this weekend

Just to show how a touch of brown sugar makes a ginger snap.

Laugh more: Funny Food Jokes

Weekend Jokes for Adults

I’ve been screwing all weekend and my wrist is killing me.

Installing drywall is hard work.

I've been screwing all weekend and my wrist is killing me


Mondays come to punish us for the things we did over the weekend.

Laugh more: Amusing Monday Jokes

Sometimes during the weekends I drink some water

you know, to surprise my liver.

Why do squirrels swim on their backs?

To keep their nuts dry!

What do you call a stoned Canadian before the weekend?

Fried, eh?

Laugh more: Funny Canada Jokes

I really want a truck queue this weekend.

Oops, sorry, I meant for that to be a pickup line.

My gardener is entering his Bonsai plants in a contest this weekend.

I’m rooting for him.

My gardener is entering his Bonsai plants in a contest this weekend

I won $3 million on the lottery this weekend so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity.

Now I have $2,999,999.75.

Last weekend I went to see my gf’s soccer match and she made this awesome save…

…She’s definitely a keeper!

Laugh more: Funny Soccer Jokes

The weekend

Usually I think the weekend goes by too quickly but after the Super Bowl halftime show, it seems The Weekend went on forever.

I have to admit I hosted a super spreader event last weekend.

Luckily no one who attended the orgy caught CoVid.

Wasted weekend

A wasted weekend is not a waste of a weekend

My mom died on the weekend while listening to celtic music.

She had an enyarism.

My mom died on the weekend while listening to celtic music

I’m going to a charity event for female amputees this weekend

That place is gonna be *crawling* with chicks

I watched the Harry Potter films for the first time this weekend.

They were okay, but a bit unrealistic: a ginger schoolkid with two friends?

Laugh more: Funny Harry Potter Jokes 

A Few More Funny Weekend Jokes

People think staying awake all weekend is unhealthy

…but really, sleep is for the week

Every weekend I tell myself “John, you gotta quit drinking man”

Good thing my name’s not John…

Laugh more: Funny Bar Jokes

Do you know why I stay up late on weekends?

Because sleep is for the week.

I met my girlfriend’s parents last weekend.

Me: I’m a big fan of your work.

I met my girlfriend's parents last weekend

On my weekends I’ve been inventing a machine that can distribute herbs and spices to any place at my dining table.

It’s not much, but it passes the thyme.

Laugh more: Funny Plant Jokes

I went fishing at the weekend and there was this bloke splashing about in the middle of the lake shouting, “I can’t swim! I can’t swim!”

“It’s alright, mate,” I shouted, pointing at a nearby sign, “It says no swimming anyway.”

A lot of times I’m depressed throughout the week, and then the weekend comes and I’m worse…

Some would call it a sadder day.

What color were the skies over the Bahamas thus weekend?

Dorian Gray.

Sunday Mood: Wrap it up!

We hope we’ve given you several reasons to look forward to the next weekend. You should feel free to do these jokes, and have fun while at it. We have just given you several reasons to look forward to the next weekend and give yourself and your friends good reasons to laugh as you exchange jokes. but you do not have to wait for the weekend, after all, there is no wrong time to quote something about the weekend.

Well, we have many more.

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