63+ HILARIOUS Husband and Wife Marriage Jokes! 2021

Marriage can be the best thing that will happen to anyone. Well, it could also be the funniest. It’s not surprising that people just come up with marriage jokes for breakfast because that’s what marriage is. It’s all about the highs and lows, the sad and the happy! There should be laughter in marriage for it to survive. Crack these marriage jokes to your married friends!

Check out Best Travel Jokes and Puns. For families with children, I wrote up all my Funny Teenage Jokes One-Liners.

Even better: We have summed up the Best Boss Jokes and Puns.

Marriage Jokes One-liners

Sometimes, that one-liner marriage joke is enough to make the world go round and everyone on the floors laughing like crazy!


Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families, and careers.

funny marriage jokes one-liners


At the cocktail party, one woman said to another,

‘Aren’t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?’

The other replied, ‘Yes, I am, I married the wrong man.’


My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband,

‘You know, I was a fool when I married you.’

The husband replied, ‘Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn’t notice.’


A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. So she gets a divorce.

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.


Childs experience: if a mother is laughing at the father’s jokes, it means they have guests.

silly father's jokes

 


Marriage is like going to a restaurant. You order what you want, then when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.

Before I tell my wife something important, I take both her hands in mine. That way she can’t hit me with them.

Wealth is any income that is at least one hundred dollars a year more than the income of one’s wife’s sister’s husband.

– H.L. Mencken


Wife: “I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?”
Husband: “You have perfect eyesight.”
funny husband and wife one-liners

Husbands are awkward things to deal with; even keeping them in hot water will not make them tender.

– Mary Buckley


Just listen up while I tell you about this couple, and I’ll make it seem like the shortest 45 minutes of your life.


A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.

hilarious jokes marriages one-liners

 


A husband is a guy who tells you when you’ve got on too much lipstick and helps you with your girdle when your hips stick.

– Ogden Nash


Wedding Jokes

Have you been to a wedding recently? Regardless, it’s the perfect time to drop that marriage jokes in the bag! Take one or two marriage jokes in the list and drop them on the table and have everyone laughing. You can even insert in your wedding toast, that’s if you’re given the chance to do the toast. Or you can just go table by table dropping marriage jokes like that funny man in the reception!


Q: Why does a man twist his wedding ring on his finger?

A: He’s trying to figure out the combination.


Did you hear about the two spiders who just got engaged?

I hear they met on the web.


Marriages are made in heaven. Then again, so are thunder, lightning, tornadoes, and hail.

short and funny marriages jokes

 


Ronnie Corbett: Do think marriage is a lottery?

Ronnie Barker: No. With a lottery, you do have a slight chance.


At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, ‘Aren’t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?’

The other replied, ‘Yes, I am, I married the wrong man.’


Is marriage just two people taking turns mashing the trash down in the hopes the other one folds first and empties the bin? 

Monica Hesse, writer


I just saw two nuclear technicians getting married. The bride was radiant and the groom was glowing.


Do you know why the King of Hearts married the Queen of Hearts? They were perfectly suited to each other.


I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

—Rita Rudner

funny marriage quotes jokes

 


Husband Jokes

We all know it, we don’t get to finish a marriage jokes list without a husband jokes somewhere in between. These men are just almost the foundation of many marriage jokes.


What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog?

1) After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
2) A dog only takes a couple of months to train.


I asked my wife, ‘Where do you want to go for our anniversary?’

It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation. ‘Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time.’

she said. So I suggested, ‘How about the kitchen?’


I think the only reason my husband likes to go fishing so much is that it’s the only time he hears someone tell him, “Wow, that’s a big one!”


As my wife and I prepared for our garage sale, I came across a painting. Looking at the back,

I discovered that I had written “To my beautiful wife on…

funny relationship marriage jokes

 


Summary

Of course, marriage is about love but that’s not all there is. Marriage is about everything. The love, life, and all the joke in between. Since you stayed until the end, here are more jokes to give you more giggles and laughter:

Jimmy
I am Jimmy, clown at heart. I love silly, funny, nerdy, quirky jokes. So I thought I should start a website about jokes. Why a carrot as a logo? Why not! Here, have a carrot!