Funny quotes and sayings

Hilarious Funny Quotes (and Sayings and Comeback’s) – to make your Friends laugh

The most hilarious funny quotes ever spoken! Perfect for sharing, blogging, tweeting...
The most hilarious funny quotes ever spoken! Perfect for sharing, blogging, tweeting...

Funny quotes always help to cheer someone up when they need a smile. Have you ever tried it? It really works! I used them as a student to cheer up my friends. Every morning I would send them a funny quotations via Whatsapp and we started our day full of laughs and comments.

Afterward, I also used them to cheer up my work colleagues in the office when someone was down. The power of the laughter is so big that some ex-colleagues and friends still ask me to send them a quote every noun and then.

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We also collected the best funny questions to ask your friends and Siri here.

The quotes have not to be super always memorable or smart. Sometimes a fun quotations that is short, or even a funny meme, can cheer you up. I would say, it is worth trying at least! So start sharing these quotes with your friends and let us know.

Funny Quotes short

Good things, when short, as twice as good. And the same goes for quotes and jokes. Therefore, I like to start these funny friendship quotes compilations with the easiest ones. I added some images in case you want to use them for your Pinterest board, or Instagram stories.

Easy to use short quotes that will encourage you (or the person you send it) to have a better day. At least a funnier one!

You can find more short funny teen jokes here.

Mom: Why is everything on the floor?

Me: Gravity!

Recovering from Doughnuts addiction.

There’s no “we” in fries.

When nothing goes right, go left.

When nothings goes right quote

I always prefer my puns to be intended.

My hobbies are breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

You should try to watch more sunsets than Netflix.

Gym? I thought you said gin!

Gym joke quote

Dear Sunday, please don’t leave me.

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people. – Rodney Dangerfield

There are only three things that women need in life: food, water, and compliments. – Chris Rock

You could put a blond wig on a hot-water heater and some dude would try to fuck it. – Tina Fey

Do I run? Yes… Out of time, patients and money.

Wine + dinner = winner

Laugh more: Funny Wine Jokes

After Tuesdays, even the calendar goes WTF.

Read: FUNNY Tuesday Jokes (so you can make it to Weekend!)

5’1 is my height but my attitude is 7’4.

I’m here to avoid friends on Facebook.

I scream for ice cream.

I scream for ice cream

“Be strong,” I whisper to my WiFi signal.

Sure, I do marathons. On Netflix.

The hardest thing I ever tried is being normal.

Short funny quotes about life

Even doctors say that one thing that can improve your life is laughter.

Laughter not only reduces stress. It also helps you to:

  • lower your blood pressure,
  • give you an excellent ab workout,
  • release endorphins,
  • boost the immune system
  • increase oxygen flow…

It has many many other benefits. Therefore, here you have short funny quotes about life – so you can expand your life.

The first 5 days after the weekend are the hardest.

Life is short…smile while you still have teeth.

Today I will be as useless as the letter “g” in lasagna.

I’m best served with coffee and a side of sarcasm.

Coffee and sarcasm

I drink to make other people more interesting.

Be a cupcake in a world of muffins.

Dear sleep: thanks for trying, but you can’t beat surfing the net.

For me, math class is like watching a foreign movie without subtitles.

Chocolate never asks me any questions, chocolate understands me.

For me, math class is like watching a foreign movie without subtitles.

Single and ready to get nervous around anyone I find attractive.

When I act like I don’t give a fuck I am not acting.

I’m not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them.

When I am upsetti I eat some spaguetti.

It’s possible that I’m eating frosting with a spoon.

Life is too short to wear boring socks.

I smile because I got no idea what’s going on.

Funny quotes on life

Not all life quotes have to be short! Actually, we all want to live longer… Make every day count, as there will be one day we’ll have no more days left to waste. (No, that was not a fun life quote but a wise life advice).

We are born naked, hungry, and wet. Then things just get worse.

My relationship status? Netflix, Oreos, and sweatpants.

I got 99 problems but an avocado toast solved like 85 of them.

I got many problems...

When I’m Downie I eat a brownie.

Stomach: I will now demonstrate a blue whale’s mating call.

Lies I tell myself:

Just one more cookie.

Only one more movie.

Just one more minute.

Yet…I wouldn’t call them lies!

It’s a slow process but quitting will not speed it up.

Know what’s on the menu? – Me-n-u.

The last time I was someone’s type, I donated blood.

I hope one day I will love something the way women in commercials love yogurt.

Read: More funny love quotes and jokes

My heart says Yes, my mom says No.

I don’t care what people think of me. Mosquitos find me attractive!

I don't care what people think of me

I’m cool, but global warming made me HOT.

Going to bed early. Not going to a party. Not leaving my house…

My childhood punishments have become my adult goals.

They say don’t try this at home…so I went to my friend’s home!

My bed is a magical place I suddenly remember everything I had to do.

Really Funny quotes from the office

The office is a series that made us laugh so hard! Haven’t seen it yet? I do totally recommend it to you. There are so many moments where you will laugh because you are living those stories in your office too in a way…

Sarcasm and reality mixed together so you can really think about your life at work.

Let’s start with Michael Scott’s best quotes from the Office, and follow with the other characters. Each character has a good point!

Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me .- Michael Scott

I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious. – Michael Scott

Fool me once, strike one. Fool me twice, strike three. – Michael Scott

I don’t care what they say about me. I just want to eat. – Pam Beesly

And I knew exactly what to do. But in a much more real sense, I had no idea what to do. – Michael Scott

I am running away from my responsibilities. And it feels good. – Michael Scott

I am running away from my responsibilities. And it feels good

I just want to lie on the beach and eat hot dogs. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.
– Kevin Malone

Read: 41 funny beach puns that will shorely impress

There’s a lot of beauty in ordinary things. Isn’t that kind of the point? – Pam Beesly

I talk a lot, so I’ve learned to just tune myself out… – Kelly Kapoor

Everything I have I owe to this job…this stupid, wonderful, boring, amazing job. – Jim Halpert

I miss the days when there was only one party I didn’t want to go to.” – Ryan Howard

Funny quotes for the Office (your office)

I know I know… your office mates are not like the ones in the Office (say thanks for that!). It is very funny to watch, but I could not imagine having a boss as crazy as MS.

Anyways, here you have some quotes to share in the office that will make your workmates laugh. Use them with caution or you might become famous in the office!

I hold the key to the secrets of the universe. I just can’t find the lock.

Probably the most talented TV watcher you’ll ever find.

Today is a good day for… cake.

Friday, my second favorite F word.

I need a 6 month holiday, twice a year.

I need a 6 month holiday twice a year

Sometimes I just want to give it all up and become a handsome billionaire.

Spent a large portion of my life eating. Will do the same in my next life.

I am just another paper cut survivor.

I work an unpaid internship as a professional nerd.

I’m actually not funny. I’m just really mean and people think I’m joking.

If there would be an award for being lazy, I would send someone to pick it up for me.

I don’t think inside the box and I don’t think outside the box… I don’t even know where the box is.

Hard work never killed anyone, but why take the chance?

Words cannot express my love and passion for Fridays. The photos might help.

A Sunday well spent brings a week of content.

ETC. End of Thinking Capacity.

A cop pulled me over and told me “Papers”, so I said “Scissors, I win!” and drove off.

I don’t give a ship!

Hilarious Funny Quotes for Instagram

Instagram seems like the trendiest social media account nowadays, don’t you think? I am sure you have the app on your phone. In case you need some inspiration for your Instagram captions you can go to this website.

Or you can just keep reading our funny captions here.

Boyfr(end). Girlfr(end). Fri(end). Humm(us). There is no end with hummus. Just us.

One of the few people on Instagram who doesn’t claim to be a social media guru.

Looking for hashtags – they look like waffles.

Someday, there’s going to be an updated version of me. Found it already? Let me know!

I’m starting to like Instagram, which is weird because I hate pictures.

I followed a diet but it didn’t follow me back, so I unfollowed it.

I still don’t understand Instagram, but here I am anyway.

There are not bad pictures; that’s just how your face looks sometimes.

What if I tell you, you can eat without posting your food on Instagram?

What if I tell you, you can eat without posting your food on Instagram?

I woke up and …posted this.

I like hashtags because they look like waffles.

Sorry for being late. I got caught up enjoying my last minutes of not being here.

Wondering how many miles I have scrolled with my thumbs.

Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, they will start using it.

They say: Do what you love and the money will come to you. Just ordered pizza, now I am waiting..

Here to serve… The cat overload.

Funny Quotes from Movies

Movies sometimes give us really fun quotes! We can turn them into memes or simply send them and share them around. Some of the movie quotes have become very famous.

“This building has to be at least…. three times bigger than this (prototype)!” – Zoolander

“Leave the gun. Take the cannoli.” – The godfather

“Do you know what happens to a toad when it’s struck by lightning?

The same thing that happens to everything else.”

– X-Men

“Sometimes I wish I had never met you. Because then I could go to sleep at night not knowing there was someone like you out there. – Good Will Hunting

“Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here. This is the war room.” – Dr. Strangelove

“It’s the first time I’ve ever seen you look ugly. And that makes me kind of happy”- Bridesmaid

“May the Force be with you.” -Star Wars

May the force be with you

“We could not talk or talk forever and still find things to not talk about.” – Best in Show

“My mama always said life was like a box of chocolates.

You never know what you’re gonna get.” -Forrest Gump

“In one of our designs even these mosquito bites will look like juicy, juicy mangoes!” – Bend it like Beckham

“It’s not a man-purse. It’s called a satchel. Indiana Jones wears one.” – The Hangover

Actually Funny quotes and Sayings

A lot of sayings that have been around us have been also turned into funny quotes that will make you chuckle. The most viral ones are the ironic ones. They always hide the truth that we all know!

“Made with love” means I licked the spoon and kept using it.

A blind man walks into a cafe.. and a table, and a chair.

I know the voices in my head aren’t real….. but sometimes their ideas are just absolutely awesome!

Recommended by 4 out of 5 people who recommend things.

If you are funny, you are automatically 75% more attractive.

Beauty fades but sarcasm, that shit is forever!

Funny quotes about quarantine

Quarantine has been tough, for all of us. It does not matter where were you during this time, I am sure it was not the best time in your life. I survived thanks to funny quotes and Netflix! I swear, without them, I would have not made it. Actually, I think I am ready for the apocalypse now… but I really do not wanna try it.

Due to social distancing guidelines, I will no longer hug or kiss you.

Amazon: your package will be delivered on Wednesday.

Me: When is that?

Those of you who quarantine without kids… How is it?

It is called quarantine coffee. It’s just like normal coffee but has a margarita in it and also no coffee.

Rapunzel was the princess of Corona and came out of quarantine with gorgeous hair and a love interest. Let’s stay optimistic

I saw my friend on zoom and told her she was drawing her eyebrows too high.

She looked surprised.

Sometimes you just gotta stay in the house… Outside costs like $300 a day.

Stay in the house quarantaine quote

Microwaves need to have a quiet feature. My whole house doesn’t need to know I’m heating up pasta at 3:25 AM.

As it turns out I do have a Hobby. My hobby was just walking around the stores and buying shit I don’t need.

Wearing a mask with sunglasses give me a level of anonymity I’ve desired.

I do not know who needs to hear this today, but it is Blursday the fortytheenth of Maprilay.

I am not talking to myself, I am having a parent/ teacher conversation.

My fridge just groaned, rolled their eyes, and hissed at me: “Not you again!”

When I told my 3 years old brother that we couldn’t go out again he asked if it was because of the corona pirates.

Can I call you in 3 hours? I have to clean my groceries.

Before covid: I wish I could sit on my couch alone forever.

During covid: I wish I could lick and dance on a floor full of strangers.

Not to brag, but we have not been late to anything in weeks.

I need to take the trash out tomorrow. I am so excited I do not know what to wear!

My shoes probably think I died.

If you wear your jeans 5 days in a row, they become baggy and it looks like you’re losing weight.

I need social distancing myself from my fridge.

I need social distancing myself from my fridge.

The closest I get to a spa day these days is when the steam from the dishwasher smacks me in the face.

Have a look at these hilarious lockdown jokes for more quotes about quarantine.

Extra: Funny and Inspirational Quotes

Check out these funny sayings from inspiring personalities. You will surely love these hilarious and a little bit sarcastic quotes.

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people. – Rodney Dangerfield

There are only three things that women need in life: food, water, and compliments. – Chris Rock

You could put a blond wig on a hot-water heater and some dude would try to fuck it. – Tina Fey

Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much. – Oscar Wilde

The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter. – Mark Twain

I’ve retired a couple of times. It’s great, because you can just say, ‘Oh, I’m sorry. I’m retired. – Bill Murray

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time. – Steven Wright

Make no mistake about why these babies are here – they are here to replace us. – Jerry Seinfeld

Admiration and familiarity are strangers. – George Sand

Summary Funny quotes

Wanna more? This was just a simple article showing you all you can find in Jokes Quotes. So keep playing around with this website and you will find many, many more.

We also collected the Best Dad Jokes of All Time.

Looking for jokes?

Also, I do love it when people share their funniest quotes ever! Write yours in the comments, show the world how funny you are. Come on, don’t be shy! You can use an alias as your name and hide behind it.

Want to have more fun? 🤣

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🧑‍💼 Office Jokes: I should have known that...

I am Julia, I love to laugh and I love to make people laugh.