88 New York Jokes

88 BEST FUNNY New York Jokes (That never get Old)

When we think of New York, we think of busy streets, noisy cities and baseball. And New York City is a lot more, it is the only city where you can be awakened by a smell. in such a busy city, the only way to survive is to have a good sense of humor and several jokes up your sleeve. Need FUNNY jokes about New York? Share our funny New York jokes with your friends and families!

I also collected my favorite best 29 New York City Songs here.

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Jokes Only A New Yorker Will Understand

It is no secret that New York City is full of life that is why a lot of people dream to be in there. These NY jokes and New York one-liners will totally blow your mind. Have a look at our jokes about New York City.


New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time — most, unsolved.

New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time — most, unsolved


It’s so cold here in New York that the flashers are just describing themselves.


Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.


My dad was the town drunk.

Most of the time that’s not so bad, but in New York City?


The trouble with New York is that it’s so convenient to everything I can’t afford.

The trouble with New York is that it’s so convenient to everything I can’t afford


I moved to New York City for my health.
I’m paranoid, and it was the only place where my fears were justified.


New York City is the only city in the world where you can be awakened by a smell.


In NYC, one suicide in ten is attributed to a lack of storage space.


Being miserable and treating everybody like dirt is every New Yorker’s God-given right.


New York is the city that never sleeps, which is why it looks like hell in the morning.


There’s so little greenery in NYC, it would make a stone sick.


New York is the most exciting place in the world to live.
There are so many ways to die here.

Find more hilarious funny new york city jokes here.

New York is the most exciting place in the world to live


Question and Answer Jokes About New York

Want some fun facts, jokes or both? Well, we have both of them. Planning to visit NY for the first time? Well here are things that you should learn and can joke about the locals.


Did you hear that NYC paid Hillary Clinton $2,000,000 as a consultant for New Years Eve?
They wanted an expert on dropping the ball at the last second.


What’s the difference between Middle Earth and NYC?
Two Towers


So I just got back from a trip in Germany, and I realized how awful American children are.
While they may be nice and all where I live in NYC, kids in Germany are kinder.


How many NYC cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they just beat the room for being black.


Whoever left their iPhone X at Katz Deli in NYC?
Please stop calling my new phone.

Whoever left their iPhone X at Katz Deli in NYC


Why did Eve want to leave the Garden of Eden and move to New York?
She fell for the Big Apple.


Exactly 2,417,529 people in NYC got married last year.
Not to cause any trouble, but shouldn’t that be an even number?


I got invited to a ball drop celebration at NYC tonight, guess what it was?
A bar mitzvah


What’s the only thing that grows in Buffalo?
The swelling from your head from getting jacked!

What's the only thing that grows in Buffalo


Why do University of Buffalo grads keep their diplomas on their dashboards?
So they can park in handicap spaces.


Why do Indians love New York?
Because there’s a Delhi on every block.


What do you do to stay cool when it’s 100 degrees in NYC?
Dress as a cop.

What do you do to stay cool when it’s 100 degrees in NYC


Jokes About living in NYC

Living in New York can be challenging at times and it’s not that easy for everyone. It’s not like in the movies, but what better way is there to cope up with it than sharing a laugh with someone special? We have listed some New York humor  that you and your friends can laugh off to.


My great grandmother worked on the Underground Railroad…
She lived in NYC, we just called it the subway.


NYC’s New Year’s sucked.
They really dropped the ball this year.


I got invited to a ball drop celebration at NYC tonight
Turns out it was a bar mitzvah.

I got invited to a ball drop celebration at NYC tonight


I was in NYC and a black guy asked me if the Yankees won.
I replied, “Yeah, man, you’re free.”


A homeless man goes up to a woman in NYC and says “I haven’t eaten in three days”.
She replies “where do you get the self control?”


Governor of NYC Andrew Cuomo is starring in a New Sitcom Spinoff
It will be called: How I killed your Grandmother


What do you call a bike in NYC that has been standing out in the sun for hours?
Tire-less


What is a NYC nanosecond?
If you are stuck at a red light, its the time that it takes for the occupant of the car behind you to honk his horn when the light turns green.


What fills the entire volume of its container and may become volatile and explosive when compressed?
NYC subway commuters.


What state do dogs like?
New Yorkie.

What state do dogs like


Why is “The Wave” banned in the Carrier Dome?
Two Orangemen fans drowned last year.


Why did the New York regents decide to cover the Carrier Dome in cardboard?
Because the Orangemen always look better on paper.


What happens when blondes move from New Jersey to New York?
Both states become smarter!


Why aren’t Buffalo cheerleaders allowed to do the splits?
They stick to the ground.

Why aren't Buffalo cheerleaders allowed to do the splits


Upstate New York Jokes

Upstate New York can be really cold. Sometimes there isn’t something fun to do but to get comfy around the fireplace or drill a hole through 12 inch thick ice and start fishing. Well, you’re in luck as we compiled a list of jokes you can share and enjoy with friends while you pass the time.


What does a NYU grad call a Columbia grad in 5 years?
Boss!


Where do fat cows go on vacation?
Moo York.


What kind of hipsters live in the Big Apple?
Bookworms.

What kind of hipsters live in the Big Apple


What’s the difference between a University of Buffalo sorority sister and a scarecrow?
One lives in a field and is stuffed with hay. The other frightens birds and small animals.

Read: More funny jokes about animals


What do you call a good looking girl on the University of Buffalo campus?
A visitor.


Why don’t Syracuse football players sink in the Great Lakes?
Because crap floats…


Why couldn’t the baby Jesus be born in New York?
Because they couldn’t find 3 wise men or a virgin.

Why couldn't the baby Jesus be born in New York


New Yorker Jokes

Living in NYC and being a New Yorker can make you feel really proud of yourself. It’s awesome, living in one of the most popular and busiest cities in the world. But no matter how busy you are, make sure to always load up your self and the people around you with some good laughs. De-stress with these jokes.


Why are New Yorkers so depressed.
Because the light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey.


It takes a New Yorkers mentality to root for a football team named after something you dread getting every month.
Go Bills!


What did the old timey New Yorker say to the woman with dirt on her shoes?
“You gots schmutz on your foots, Toots!”


Why did the New Yorker spray pam all over their body every night before bed?
To wake up oily.


What material does a New Yorker like to make his pajamas out of?
Yawn.

What material does a New Yorker like to make his pajamas out of


Think New Yorkers don’t get along? I just saw two complete strangers share a cab…
One took the wheels and tires, the other took the battery and the radio.


Why do New Yorkers like to visit Minnesota?
Because that’s where the mini apple is!


New Yorkers confuse me…
Half of them keep saying “fuhgeddaboudit” but the rest of them keep saying “Never forget“.


If you ever see three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument…

a bank has just been robbed.

If you ever see three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument


Studies show that most New Yorkers are offended by 9/11 jokes.
The study also revealed that they thought the other 2/11 jokes were funny.


Funny New York Puns

Last on the list is New York Puns. Who doesn’t love a good pun? Everybody loves it. With great timing, a simple pun can make someone ROFL. Start making someone’s day by giving them a good laugh. Check out this list and pick out your favorites.


Stop Yankee-ng my chain.


It’s a bridge too far.


Aaron Burr, it’s cold in here.


Queens for a day.


First, do no Harlem.


In winter, NYC is the city of tights.

In winter, NYC is the city of tights


The cold here is snow joke.


In winter, New York makes a great frost impression.


I like my Prospects.


Central Bark.


Park Slope?

More like No Parking Slope.

Park Slope


Why hello Deli!


I don’t think you’re Dumbo.


You really do Ramble on.


Lake Expectations.


Oculus Prime.


Spill the Liber-tea.


30 Rock ‘n Roll.


A trip to NYC can be very taxi-ng on your wallet.

A trip to NYC can be very taxi-ng on your wallet


What a bodega body.


Ferry on my wayward son.


I’m so glad we MET.


That’s quite a Roosevelt you have going on.


Wham! BAM! Thank you, Ma’am.

Wham! BAM! Thank you, Ma’am.


Extra: Los Angeles Jokes

Los Angeles is one of the world’s most famous cities. It is known for Hollywood and so much more.  I know that everyone will want to go in there if they have a chance. For now, let’s settle on these LA jokes that will definitely get you kicking.


Why don’t Los Angeles drivers use their blinkers?
It gives too much information to the enemy.


I recently started a job as a forensic analyst in Los Angeles.
The first thing I had to do was analyse some fresh prints in Bel Air.


What happens when the smog lifts in Los Angeles?
UCLA


What’s the best question to ask when you meet an actor in Los Angeles?
Can I have some more coffee?

For more laughs, check our food jokes and puns that are totally hilarious!

What’s the best question to ask when you meet an actor in Los Angeles


Why does New York have lots of garbage and Los Angeles have lots of lawyers?
Because New York got to pick first


I was stressed and unhappy with my life, so I moved to Los Angeles.
Now I have SoCal anxiety.


What’s the difference between a dollar and the Los Angeles Rams?
A dollar is good for 4 quarters.


Do you want to know my favorite Los Angeles Dodger?
O.J. Simpson

Do you want to know my favorite Los Angeles Dodger


Summary: FUNNY New York Jokes

While NYC is great, it can be frustrating at times. Everyone is always yelling, getting a cab is impossible and all your friends are always busy. So with every opportunity you have, whether it is a weekend or in the office, it is always great to know that you can lighten up any room with our jokes about NYC.

We collected more funny jokes for you:

Michelle
I love cats, colorful plants and having a good laugh with friends. I joined the Jokes Quotes Factory to share my best piece. And where else can I have so much fun while writing? I hope you share my sense of humor. You can find all my articles in my profile.