California Jokes

82 FUNNY California Jokes That Will Make You LOL

There is never a dull moment here in California. You can hit the beach anytime or you can hike in Yosemite National Park with your friends. If you are staying in California for a while, it would be a great idea to have some jokes handy. Here’s a list of California jokes that will surely make you laugh.

Take your time reading these puns and jokes and throw them to your pals! We hope you find these California jokes amusing enough to tell others. 

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We also collected Chicago Jokes for an Extra Windy Day

California Jokes

If you can appreciate these jokes, you are clearly a Californian at heart. These jokes about Northern and Southern California are simple to read. The quips are sweet and goofy, and if your East coast friends complain about the comedy, remind them it’s probably a California thing. 


What did San Andreas say when the earthquake hit California?
My fault.

What did San Andreas say when the earthquake hit California


What did Arnold Schwarzenegger become after he resigned as Governor of California?
An ex-terminator.


Why is everyone in Northern California so skinny?
Because everything is NoCal.


How many Californians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Eleven. One to change it and ten to follow the trend.


Why do San Diego State students have such beautiful noses?
They’re hand picked.


The Californian dentist says my teeth are like a string of pearls.
Each one has a hole through it!


Why does California have so many lawyers and New York has so much garbage?
New York had first choice.

Read more: BEST FUNNY New York Jokes


Where do California high school sports teams buy their uniforms?
New Jersey?

Where do California high school sports teams buy their uniforms


What do you call a waffle on a California beach?
A Sandy Eggo.


Some people are saying that the California earthquakes are a cause of past actions of humans…
But I think it’s San Andreas’ fault.


Did you hear the joke about Mount Whitney?
You won’t get over it.


Tourist: “Lived in this town all your life?”
California Resident: “No, not yet.”


California Puns

Tired of your routine? Ease your boredom with these California puns. After all, laughter is the best medicine even in the sickness of the soul. Try it and you’ll love it. 


That ride spun me around so much, I’ve feeling Disney.

Laugh more: Disney Jokes That are Truly Magical!

That ride spun me around so much, I’ve feeling Disney


San Francisco, you’re bae.


In a Golden Gate of mind.


California legalized marijuana I guess they had a high voter turnout.


You can truss that you’ll never find a bridge more beautiful than the Golden Gate.


Having one quail of a good time in California.


Poppy your collar.


California, I’ll never desert you.


Welcome to Cool-ifornia.

Welcome to Cool-ifornia


Californ-vacation.


I can’t bear to leave California.


I love California beary much.


I’m shore glad to be back in California.


Keep palm and carry on.


Redwood you like to come to California?


I really hike California.


California is otterworldly!


I absolutely otter California!


California, it’s been a whale since I’ve been home!

California, it’s been a whale since I’ve been home


Kid Jokes About California

Children are treasures from above. Let’s indulge them in having joyful life by engaging them in kid jokes about California. Just for fun, to create a joyful atmosphere!


Do you know where they developed a new app for corn farmers and traders?
Sili-corn Valley!


What is an earthquake’s favorite song?
Good Vibrations by the Beach Boys.


What is Clarence’s (It’s a Wonderful Life) favorite baseball team?…
The Angels!


I just made a playlist for hiking in California.
It consists of Peanuts, Eminem, California Raisins and The Cranberries… I call it my Trail Mix.


California is looking to eradicate a once-popular item.
Apparently it was the last straw.


Where in California does everyone have minty fresh breath?
Sacra-mentos.

Where in California does everyone have minty fresh breath


Where do waffles go on vacation?
Sandy Eggo.


What do you call a map guide to Alcatraz?
A con-tour map.


If California splits into 3 states, we just need to make Puerto Rico a state.
We’d have a prime number of states and finally be “one nation, indivisible.”


What do you call a group of California Highway Patrolmen eating nachos?
CHiPs and dip.


Did you hear about the California owl conspiracy network?
They’re allegedly calling themselves the “ca-hoots.”


What has a mouth but can’t eat?
The Sacramento River!


How does the Pacific Ocean say hello to California?
It waves!


What is the tallest building in California?
The Los Angeles Public Library, of course, has the most stories!

What is the tallest building in California


California Fire Jokes

Fire is helpful in a lot of ways but if things got out of hand it can devastating just like the wildfires in California. Forget the sad part and check these CA jokes about the fire to make you laugh.


What’s California’s favorite band?
Earth, Wind, and Fire.


I heard it’s a great time to buy in California.
The real estate’s on fire there!


I’m moving to California to become a real estate agent.
I heard the market is on fire!!!


What does a bee do during a wildfire?
He takes off his yellow jacket!


What did the cigarette butt tell his army?
Fire Away.

What did the cigarette butt tell his army


Why can’t smokey the bear have kids?
Every time his wife gets hot, he beats her with a shovel.


What happens when wildfire tells you a joke?
You get burned!


How quickly can a wildfire start?
Lightning fast.


Jokes About California Weather

Yes, the majority of California has boring weather and there are only a few places in California that snows. Turn a dull moment into a fun one by exploring these amusing California weather jokes. 


NASA confirms that Mars has more water than California.

NASA confirms that Mars has more water than California.


The only bad weather here is the extreme heat.


What do you call the Robin Williams movie about a hot California summer?
Mrs. Droughtfire.


Which is faster, heat or cold?
Heat, because you can catch a cold!


How hot is it in Southern California?
So hot every fat guy sweating in the city smells like Bacon!


What happens when the fog lifts in California?
UCLA!


What type of cloud is so lazy, because it will never get up?
Fog!

What type of cloud is so lazy, because it will never get up


California Driver Jokes

Having a car and driving around California is exciting! Looking around these busy streets and passing around Hollywood is amazing! If you are driving, you might wanna look at these hilarious California driver jokes. 


California drivers are so bad, they could host the world’s first bad drivers’ Olympics.
But they would all just get into a massive accident on the way there.


Did you hear about the two California Valley Girls who froze to death in a drive-in movie?
They went to see “Closed for the Winter.”


A cop drives past my open garage in California, and notices my plants and grow lamps.
He stops and shouts, “You better not be growing weed with those lamps!”
“You’re gonna need at least twice the wattage and a lot more room!”


If you drive illegally, they take your driver’s license.
If you’re here illegally, they want to give you one.

If you drive illegally, they take your driver's license


Knock Knock Jokes About California

California is famous for Hollywood, Disneyland, and Golden Gate Bridge. Now, if you are going to California make sure to bring these knock knock jokes about California. Check it out now. 


Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Boo
Boo Who?
Don’t cry! We have the best jokes about California.


Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Noah
Noah who?
Noah good joke about California?


Knock Knock
Who’s there?
June
June who?
June knows how to tell a good California knock-knock joke?

June knows how to tell a good California knock-knock joke


Funny California Sayings

The thing that the people in California make them unique is their culture. Old people in California have many stories to tell so don’t forget these Califonia saying to tell your buddies. You might get a thing or two. 


This burger is bomb.


I’ll take a Double-Double, animal style.


Whatever you do, definitely don’t say “Cali.”


There’s a Sigalert for the carpool lane on the 5 south.


The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco.


It’s pretty gnarly out, bro. It’s double overhead today!


It takes 20 minutes, depending on traffic.

It takes 20 minutes, depending on traffic


California Dorm Jokes

Education in California is one of the best in the USA. A lot of people move to California just to study and get a degree. So if you are moving there to study then you might want to look at these funny California dorm jokes. 

Laugh more: Funny Graduation Jokes


Did you hear about the fire in USC’s football dorm that destroyed 20 books?
The real tragedy was that 15 hadn’t been colored yet.

Laugh more: FUNNY Football Jokes


In a way, colleges and insane asylums are both mental institutions.
The major difference being you have to show some improvement to “graduate” an asylum.


What do you get if you cross a student and an alien?
Something from another universe-ity.


What’s the difference between an American student and an English student?
About 3,000 miles.

What’s the difference between an American student and an English student


How did the fraternity brother get a bump on his head?
He was attempting a keg stand.


What is the definition of an optimist?
A college student who opens his wallet and expects to find the money.


What do cats major in college?
String theory!


What do you call a hotdog in college?
A FRAT-wurst.

Read: Eggcellent Food Jokes and Puns that will Crack you Up

What do you call a hotdog in college


Summary

Thinking of a travel trip to California? You better check this hilarious California jokes that we have for you! If you want some more, we collected more funny jokes for you:

Jimmy
I am Jimmy, clown at heart. I love silly, funny, nerdy, quirky jokes. So I thought I should start a website about jokes. Why a carrot as a logo? Why not! Here, have a carrot!