97 Funny Wine Jokes Only Wine Lovers Will Understand! 2024

It doesn’t matter what kind of wine you’re drinking; it’s always better when you’re having a good time. We’d say that nothing compares to the pleasure you get when you’re in excellent company and having a nice conversation. So, better take a look at our list of wine jokes that’ll make the conversation much more enjoyable.

If you want more conversation starters, you can also take a look at these bar jokes and beer jokes. Have fun!

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Short Wine Jokes

Sometimes wine isn’t enough to satisfy yourself and relax, you need a good joke! That’s why we’ve compiled some of the best short wine jokes to make you laugh out loud!

What kind of wine does a horse drink?
A chardo-neigh.

Recently, a wine aged in space was put up for sale
I wanted to buy it, but the price was astronomical.

What is the difference between a $200 wine and a $20 wine?
$180.

Wanna know what my favourite white wine is?
The immigrants are taking all our jobs!

My mother-in-law is like a fine wine.
Too much of her gives me a headache.

Laugh more: Funny Marriage Jokes

Offering his flesh for bread and his blood for wine, Jesus Christ made…
the ultimate snackrifice.

My wife is like a bottle of wine.
I have to keep the cork wet or else she’ll spoil.

What is Gaston Bachelard’s favourite kind of wine?
Merlot-ponty.

What’s the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.

What do you say to a grouchy alcoholic?
Stop winning.

Laugh more: Funny Jokes About Beer

I strongly believe women are like fine wine.
They should be kept in a dark cellar and only brought out for special occasions.

Good friends are like fine wine.
That’s why I keep mine locked in the cellar.

How much should you spend on a bottle of wine?
I don’t know…maybe 15 minutes!

What’s the difference between fine wine and fine women?
Fine wine doesn’t try and escape from my cellar.

A horsey pun for you 🙂
What does a horse do to slow down for a glass of wine? It de-canters!

I told my wife that a Husband ages like wine. We get better with age.
So she locked me in the cellar.

Laugh more: Funny Husband Jokes

Waiter: Wine?
Date: I don’t drink
Waiter: Water?
Me: She said she doesn’t drink pal.

Funny Wine Puns

There is something about these wine puns that will give everyone some pun and laughter! Take a look and share with friends.

Everything happens for a riesling, right?

You had me at merlot.

Adulting makes me wine.

Love the wine you’re with.

Stop and smell the rosé.

Love the wine you’re with.

Oh, sweet child of wine.

I need to re-wine my life.

You’re the wine that I want.

Chardonnay or should I go?

Great minds drink alike.

I make pour decisions.

Here for the right riesling.

On cloud wine.

Partners in wine.

No wine left behind.

Sip happens.

It’s wine o’clock.

You are so bottlefull to me.

Another glass? Wine not?

Will you accept this rosé?

When I drink wine, I make pour decisions.

Red Wine Jokes One Liners

Are you looking for some jokes that will make you chuckle hard? Then you’ve come to the right page because we’ve rounded up these amusing red wine jokes one-liners that are easy to tell and ridiculously funny!

If red wine is the blood of Christ…
I’m never having white wine again.

What’s the most popular red wine?
We want our land back!

I’ve trained my dog to bring me red wine.
It’s a Bordeaux collie.

Do librarians like white wine?
No, they like theirs well red!

Funny Jokes About Wine Lovers

If you love having a good time and drinking wine, then make sure to check these jokes about wine drinkers that are relatable and humorous. So check it out now and enjoy reading.

What’s the difference between priests and wine lovers?
Wine lover likes it when it’s older.

I bought a bottle of wine.
But I was worried I might drop it on the way home so I decided to drink it.
It’s a good thing I did, I fell off my bike 8 times.

Laugh more here: Funny Cycling Jokes

Did you hear about the priest who went mad and poisoned the wine at church?
He was tried for mass murder.

A priest, an imam, and a rabbi walk into a bar
The priest has wine, the imam gets a Shirley Temple, and the bartender asks the rabbit, “what’ll you have?”
The rabbit responds, “man, I dunno. I’m only here because of autocorrect.”

Someone told me I could make ice cubes out of leftover wine.
I’m confused… What is leftover wine??

Drinking an entire bottle of wine in under an hour is a lot like entrusting a secret to a unreliable person;
It’s bound to come up sooner or later!

Funny Wine Tasting Jokes

Drinking wine is good for your body, but do you know what’s more healthy? These are jokes about wine tasting. Always remember the saying, ” a laugh a day keeps the doctor away.”

I love cooking with wine.
Sometimes I even put it in the food.

The first thing on my bucket list is to fill the bucket with wine.

What did the grape say when it was crushed?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine.

Laugh more: Funny Fruit Jokes

Sometimes we all need a Riesling to be cheerful.

He said his non-alcoholic wine was delicious;
I said he had no proof.

Wine improves with age.
I improve with wine.

Don’t ask me why I love wine.
I have my rieslings.

When you get a hangover from wine, it’s called the Grape Depression.

I just heard on the grapevine that doctors have invented a new grape variety that acts as an anti-diuretic to help with incontinence.
It’s called pinot more.

I was having wine with my wife when she said, “I love you so much, you know. I don’t know how I could ever live without you.”
I said, “Is that you or the wine talking?”
She said, “It’s me talking to the wine.”

What’s the secret to enjoying a good bottle of wine?
Open the bottle to let it breathe.
If it doesn’t look like it’s breathing, give it mouth-to-mouth.

Drinking Wine Jokes

Sometimes drinking a lot of wine isn’t good, that’s why in commercials we are always reminded to drink moderately. So if you’re interested in wines, I’m sure you’ll like these drinking wine jokes. Check it out now and enjoy reading.

I’m a wine enthusiast.
The more wine I drink, the more enthusiastic I get.

It doesn’t matter if the glass is half empty or half full.
There’s clearly room for more wine.

What kind of wine do they serve at the horse races?
Chardon-neigh!

I drank so much wine last night that when I walked across the dance floor to get another glass;
I won the dance competition.

I can’t wait for the day when I can drink wine with my kids instead of because of them.

What kind of wine is aged to purr-fection?
Mos-cat-o!

Laugh more: Funny Cat Jokes

Some people like beer goggles.
I prefer wine glasses.

Somehow they knew I wanted champagne.
It was chilling.

The problem with collecting wine is that you always end up getting screwed.

What type of wine is notorious for making you drowsy?
Sauvign-yawn blanc!

Whenever I feel like wining,
I remind myself to put a cork in it.

Did you hear about the crime family that took over the wine importing business?
They call themselves the Sip-ranos!

Did you hear about the little grape who didn’t want to be made into wine?
Unfortunately, he was pressed into service!

What do sailors drink when they gather at a tavern to commiserate?
Port whine!

Why did the wine connoisseur insist on drinking from an old tire?
He heard it was a Goodyear!

Good Wine Jokes Quotes

If you’re having wine and would like to post it on Instagram, then these good wine jokes quotes can spice up your caption. Check it now!

“In victory, you deserve Champagne. In defeat you need it.”
― Napoleon Bonaparte

“Beer is made by men, wine by God.”
― Martin Luther, circa 1500s

“The discovery of a wine is of greater moment than the discovery of a constellation. The universe is too full of stars.”
― Benjamin Franklin, circa 1700s

“What wine goes with Captain Crunch?”
― George Carlin

“Life is too short to drink bad wine.”
― Anonymous

“She gets to keep the chalet and the Rolls, I want the Montrachet.”
― Forbes Magazine, May 6, 1996

“My only regret in life is that I didn’t drink enough Champagne.”
― Robert Noecker

“Give me wine to wash me clean of the weather-stains of cares.”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson

Laugh more: Funny Weather Jokes

“Wine improves with age. The older I get, the better I like it.”
― Anonymous

“I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.”
― W.C. Fields, circa 1930’s

“It takes a lot of good beer to make great wine”
― Brian O’Donnell, Winemaker of Belle Pente, 2013

“Champagne is appropriate for breakfast, lunch, or dinner.”
― Madeline Puckette, 2010

“Either give me more wine or leave me alone.”
― Rumi, circa 1200’s

Dirty Wine Jokes

Wines are only allowed for adults, so are these hilarious wine jokes. Gather you’re adult friends around and take a look at these jokes that will make your day a fun one!

May I offer you a glass of EU-defined representative wine product?

I wanna go inside your wine cabinet and pull myself out a stiff one.

Jesus turns water into wine.
I can turn your girl into mine.

I like my girls like my wine.
Sweet and 18 years old.

Laugh more here: Funny Pick Up Lines for Girls

You, me, a bottle of wine, and your ex’s email?

I just spilled wine all over my sheets.
Can we share yours?

Hey, are you wine?
Because I have a certain cellar I want to keep you in.

Hello, pretty young lady!
would you like to have sexual intercourse with me while I treat you to wine and roses?

I got a bottle of wine and a new pack of Depends in my scooter if you’re feelin’ frisky.

Summary

Having a good time and drinking wine with your friends is always a fun thing to do. However, if your supply runs out, feel free to use these hilarious wine jokes on your friends and make sure to capture the moment when you tell the punchline. Good jokes are always the source of happiness!