Happy hour is what you need after a long, tiring, stressful day at work! It is also a good way to catch up with friends and meet new people. But don’t go to the bar just yet without going through our collection of the best bar jokes. You will surely laugh so hard with our jokes, especially the classic a guy walks into a bar jokes.
Come along and get drunk with these intoxicatingly funny jokes about bars.
For sure you will also love our hilarious beer jokes, so you better check it out.
Funny Bar Jokes
Are you meeting someone at the bar and thinking of some way to break the ice? How about you learn some new jokes about bars? Go crazy and have so much fun with our funny bar jokes. Surely, you won’t regret it.
A rabbi, a priest, and a Lutheran minister walk into a bar.
The bartender looks up and says, “Is this some kind of joke?”
This cowboy walks into a bar.
His hat is made of brown wrapping paper.
His shirt and vest are made of waxed paper.
And his chaps, pants, and boots are made of tissue paper.
Pretty soon they arrest him for rustling.
Laugh more: Funny Cowboy Jokes
A screwdriver rolls into a bar.
The bartender says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you!”
The screwdriver squeals, “You have a drink named Philip?”
A guy was in a bar drinking beer.
He would finish his beer, pull out his wallet and look at a picture of his wife, order another beer, take out his wallet, and look at a picture of his wife.
He did this several times.
Finally, the bartender asks, why after you finish a beer you take out your wallet and look at a picture of your wife.
The guy says, “As soon as she starts looking better at me, I go home.”
A lion walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “Do you have any jobs?”
The bartender shakes his head sadly and says, “No, sorry. Why don’t you try the circus?”
The lion replies, “Why would the circus need a bartender?”
A guy walks into a bar and yells, “All lawyers are assholes.”
The man at the end of the bar says, “I object to that remark.”
The guy responds, “Why? Are you a lawyer?”
“No, I’m an asshole,” says the man.
A duck walks into a bar and says to the bartender, “I’d like to buy some peanuts.”
The bartender says, “Sorry, don’t sell peanuts.”
The duck leaves. The next day, the duck returns and again says, “I want to buy some peanuts.”
The bartender replies, a bit gruffly this time, “I already told you I don’t sell peanuts.”
The duck leaves. The next day, the duck comes in once again and yet again demands, “I want to buy some peanuts!”
The outraged bartender yells back, “I told you, I don’t sell peanuts! If you ask one more time, I’ll nail you to the wall!”
The duck leaves. The next day, the duck walks into the bar and before the bartender can say a word, the duck asks, “Do you have any nails?” The bartender looks taken aback and says quietly, “Sorry, don’t have nails.”
The duck asks, “Well then, do you have any peanuts?”
A polar bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender: “I’ll have a Gin and… Tonic.”
The bartender asks, “Why the big pause?”
And the polar bear replies, “I don’t know, I’ve always had them.”
Laugh more: Hilarious Animal Jokes
A Man Walks Into A Bar Jokes
These classic jokes are worth your time! Every bar-goers should check this collection of man walks into bar jokes for your amusement.
A horse walks into a bar.
The shocked bartender points a finger his way in alarm and yells, “Hey!”The horse says, “You read my mind, buddy.”
A dyslexic man walks into a bra…
Two scientists walk into a bar.
One says, “I’ll have an H2O please”
Laugh more: Funny Science Jokes
The second scientist says, “I’ll have an H2O too.”
The second scientist died.
E-flat walks into a bar.
The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve minors.”
Two dragons walk into a bar.
One says to the other, “It’s hot in here.”
The other snaps back, “Shut your mouth!”
Laugh more here: Funny Dungeons and Dragons Jokes
The past, present, and future walk into a bar.
It was tense.
A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink.
When the neutron gets his drink, he asks, “Bartender, how much do I owe you?”
The bartender replies, “For you, neutron, no charge.”
Two jumper cables walk into a bar.
One of them says “We’d like a couple of beers, please.”
The bartender says “Okay, but don’t start anything.”
Three fonts walk into a bar.
The bartender looks up and says, “We don’t serve your type in here.”
Two termites walk into a bar.
One asks, “Is the bar tender here?”
Why did the woman bring a ladder to the bar?
Because she heard the drinks were on the house.
ƒ(x) walks into a bar.
The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t cater for functions.”
Laugh more: Funny Math Jokes
A penguin walks into a bar.
The bartender says, “So what will it be this time?”
The penguin doesn’t answer because it’s a penguin.
A weasel walks into a bar.
The bartender says, “Wow I’ve never served a weasel before, what can I get you?” “Pop”, goes the weasel.
A man walks into a bar owned by horses.
The bartender says, “Why the short face?”
A sandwich walks into a bar.
The landlord says, “Sorry sir, we don’t serve food here.”
Laugh more: Funny Landlord Jokes
A tennis ball walks into a bar.
The barman says, “Have you been served?”
A corn stalk walks into a bar.
The bartender says, “Want to hear a joke?” The corn stalk replies, “I’m all ears!”
A guy walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm.
He asks for one beer, and one for the road.
So a five-dollar bill walks into a bar, and the bartender says,
“Hey. This is a singles bar.”
Laugh more: Amusing Money Jokes
A bartender says, “We don’t serve time travelers in here.”
A time traveler walks into a bar…
Three vampires walk into a bar.
The first one says, “I’ll have a pint of blood.”
The second one says, “I’ll have one, too.”
The third one says, “I’ll have a pint of plasma.”
The bartender says, “So, that’ll be two bloods and a blood lite?”
Two guys walk into a bar.
The third one ducks.
Laugh more: Funny Duck Jokes
Short Bar Jokes One Liners
Drinking too much is not good for you but drowning yourself in our amusing bar jokes is another story! These short bar jokes for adults are easy to remember, and the drunk you will share it over and over again.
Why didn’t the bartender serve the snake?
Because he couldn’t hold his beer.
What do two condoms say when walking past a gay bar.
Wanna go get shit-faced?
Four gays in the bar and only one stool. What do they do?
Turn it over!
This grasshopper walks into a bar, and the bartender says, “Hey! We have a drink named after you!”
The grasshopper replies, “Really? You have a drink named Steve?!”
What does a termite say when he walks into a bar?
Is the bartender here?
What did the Bartender say when two jumper cables walk into a bar.
You guys better not start anything in here.
Comedy Bar Jokes
Who doesn’t want comedy? We need jokes from time to time to feel good about ourselves. The thing is, not all are born comedians, but we can help you with that. This list of comedy bar jokes is a great help if you want to learn some new tricks off your sleeves.
I went thirsty at the comedy club.
The punch lines were terrible!
Why did the cannibal bring his silverware to the comedy club?
He heard there would be an open mike.
What did the comedy club proprietor say to the FedEx guy?
The jokes are ok but you need to work on your delivery.
Due to the lack of space, the city morgue and the comedy club will be in the same building
This Friday is open Mike night.
When do sweet potatoes like to go to the comedy club?
Laugh more: Funny Potato Jokes
I was at a comedy club in Russia last month and saw a decent stand-up routine making fun of Putin.
I didn’t love the guy’s jokes, but he had great execution.
Did you hear about the unprofitable chain of comedy clubs that went public through an IPO?
It has now become the laughing stock.
What did the audience say about the virologist’s set at the comedy club?
He had an infectious sense of humor but needed to work on telling his jokes at a less feverish pace.
Funny Bar Puns
What is it about beers and gins that makes people do some wordplay? Our clever bar puns will drive you nuts! Bottoms up as you scroll through our list! Share them, and everyone will love you for it!
What does a man who walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm say?
Pint please, and one for the road.
I just found out I’m colorblind.
The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.
You won’t drink away the alcoholism.
What’s the difference between deer nuts and beer nuts?
Beer nuts are $1.75, but deer nuts are under a buck.
A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic.
So she gets a divorce.
Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families and careers.
Going to a bar is a good idea until you are confronted with an uncomfortable quiet. A clever joke is a terrific way to break the ice, whether you’re out on a first date or hanging out with pals. Feel free to get one of these jokes and crack it around the bar, and you’ll see the change of the atmosphere, from boring into a fun one!