27 Coffee Puns and Jokes - Some are Roasted others are Bitter

47 Coffee Puns and Jokes – Some are Roasted others are Bitter

Although I take my coffee very serious and with no sugar, I absolutely love coffee puns and jokes. Obviously, I can only handle them after the first cup. On this list I had a very close look at barista jokes, starbucks gags and everything around that topic. Some of them are harsh, others are super clean and some may be even considered silly. So while I am aware you might roll your eyes, I am okay with this. Because, well, at least I like my coffee jokes.

And if you like your coffee as black as your humor, then check out these dark humor jokes and puns.

Sharing these jokes? ❤️️

Please add a link to this article. Your support helps us to write more entertaining articles for you and all joke-lovers 🙂

Before you start reading these gags, a word of warning: Do no tell any morning-grumpy these jokes about coffee before they had their first sip. You might not be able to see the punch line.

Do you use one of the coffee quotes on your website or even on your mug? Then please link to this post and tag us on social media. We would love to see them in full action.

Funny Coffee Puns

What is it called when you steal someone else’s coffee?

Mugging.


Why are Italians so good at making coffee?

Because they know how to espresso themselves.


What do you call sad coffee?

Despresso.

What do you call sad coffee? Despresso.


What did the coffee say about its late assignment?

Better latte than never!

(you can add here any nationality too to mug your friends.)


What did the barista call her face mask?

A coughy filter.

Read: More hilarious lockdown and quaranteen jokes


What did the coffees say before their night out?

Let’s stir up some trouble!


At an early party: Are we java-ing fun yet?


What does a Barista’s Valentine’s Day card say?

Sending you a whole latte love.


How does a tech guy drink coffee?

He installs Java!

Laugh more: Best Nerdy Jokes of all time


What does the patriotic US-American Coffee Lover say?

Proud to be an Americano.

Read: the best USA Songs for Patriotism and 4th of July

What does the patriotic US-American Coffee Lover say? Proud to be an Americano.


How do you call it when a country has no free press?

Manipulatte

…that one brings us to…

Funny Latte Puns and Nitro Cold Brew Puns

We already covered the funny coffee puns, but I wanted to bring you even more. I collected a bunch of jokes with LATTE, MOCHA and Nitro Cold Brew. You know, the different types of coffees you see at every coffee shop price board. Here you go:

What is the best Beatles song?

Latte Be!


Words cannot espresso how much you bean to me.


I’ve bean thinking of you a Latte.


CoWorker brings me a coffee.

Me: “Oh, Thanks a Latte!”


Drinking too much espresso can cause a latte problems.


Thanks a latte for me being my friend.

Thanks a latte for me being my friend.


You mocha me very happy.


I do some of my best thinking over coffee. I tend to have a latte on my mind.


How do you call it when a country has no free press?

Manipulatte

Funny Coffee Jokes and Quotes

I want to start with one of my favorite ones…


What is the shortest Coffee Joke of all time?

Decaf.

I have found that I have been happier since I switched from coffee to orange juice.

My Doctor explained to me that it is the vitamin C. Somehow I really think it is more the vodka.


Question: What do you call sad coffee?

Answer: Despresso.


When you do know you drink too much coffee?

When the local coffee shop has awarded you “Employee of the Month” and you do not even work there.


Coffee filters can be used as toilet paper, but it definitely changes the flavor of the coffee.


Why did the coffee bean keep checking his watch?

Because he was pressed for time.


Why did the kangaroo stop drinking his cup of coffee?

It made him too jumpy.


He: “Honey, this coffee tastes like dirt!”

She: “That is not really surprising, dear. It was just ground this morning.”


I do not exercise. It makes my coffee spill.


Coffee is the most important meal of the day


How did the hipster burn his tongue?

He drank his coffee before it was cool.

How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.


They say, a morning swim will replace any coffee. Okay then, you go ahead, I am waiting for you at home with my cup of coffee.


What is a coffee’s favorite spell?

Espresso Patronum!


She drank so much coffee at work, she considered it part of her daily grind.


Where do birds go for a cup of coffee?

The NESTcafe.


Sit down to enjoy a hot cup of coffee. By law, your boss will immediately ask you to do something that will last until your coffee is cold.


I like my coffee like how I like my slaves

Free!

(I bet you expect some cruel answer and joke here. If dark humor is your thing, check out my favorite funny black humor puns and jokes)


What is a bean’s favorite thing to eat on Thanksgiving?

Roast.


Caffeine is the foundation of my food pyramid.

Read more: Yummy and funny food jokes for friends and families to enjoy


Sleep is a weak substitute for coffee.


Soup of the day: Coffee.


Instead of water, I put Red Bull in the back of my coffee maker this morning.

I was halfway to work before I realized I forgot my car.


Why do skeletons never drink coffee?

Because it goes right through them!


What did the coffee say to their date?

Hey there, you are hot!


What do gossiping pots do?

Spill the beans.


You warm my heart.

You warm my heart.


I like my girlfriend same way I like my coffee: Smoking Hot!


We are the perfect blend.


What did the two coffee enthusiasts say when they got married?

We’re meant to bean together!


How does the Coffee Lover tell his partner he loves her?

Where have you bean all my life?


I was sitting drinking coffee in my slippers this morning, when I thought to myself: “I really need to wash some mugs.”


What do humble beans say to each other?

You keep me grounded.


I like my men how I like my coffee:

Hot and capable of injuring my throat in a good way.

Read: Absolute dirty jokes for adults

Black Coffee Jokes

Okay, so you are one of the people that do not like milk in their cup of morning joe? Then these black coffee jokes are for you, my friend. Same as you, I like my coffee black; no sugar and no milk.


I like my coffee like how I like my slaves:

Free!


I like my coffee the same way as my sense of humor:

Black!


No milk please. It kills the flavor of my coffee.


Best Funny Barista Jokes

Barista are the best friends of every coffee lover. And you need at least one of those in your life. If not, what are you doing?!

if you have hung around Barista’s and coffee shop owners a latte, you may have already noticed the geeky behavior around everything that is coffee related. In fact, anything that comes even near coffee. And do not get them started on tea.

Why do Barista’s not put on any cheap cheap perfume?

Because it could smell like Tea-Spirit.


Where do Barista’s travel to?

To Cy-press.

Read: my favorite best travel jokes and puns


What is the barista’s favorite morning mantra?

Rise and grind!

What happened when one barista friend forgot to brew her pal a coffee?

The friendship came to a bitter end.


Hasta Barista, baby.


What do baristas say to their least-favorite customers?

You mocha me crazy!


What do two Barista’s in love say to each other?

Where have you bean all my life?


What language does every male Barista in the world speak?

HeBrew.


What do you call it when a Barista brews a coffee and feel like she has done this before?

Déja-brew.


What’s a barista’s favorite song of all time?

Hit Me With your Best Shot!


Barista: “How do you take your coffee?”

Me: “Very, very seriously.”


What is a barista’s favorite exercise at the gym?

The French press.

What is a barista’s favorite exercise at the gym? The French press.
What is a barista’s favorite exercise at the gym? The French press.

Why was the barista fired?

He kept showing up in a Tea-shirt.


How did their bury the Barista?

In a coffee-in.

Coffee Dad Jokes

Dads run on coffee and on jokes. We all know this, this is pretty much a law. And with that, you can assured there are plenty of epic Coffee Dad jokes. I may even go that far to say, coffee makes up 90% of any dad jokes of any topic really.


A bad cup of coffee can be considered grounds for divorce.


How is divorce like an Espresso?

It is expensive and bitter.


What does the son of a Barista do at a new school?

He tries to blend in.


My dentist said, my teeth were stained and asked me “Do you smoke or drink coffee?

After thinking for a few seconds, I replied:”I drink it


What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?

I do not have a problem with coffee. I only have a problem without it!


Why did it take the bean so long to do its homework?

Because it was pro-caffeinating.


How are coffee beans like teenagers?

They are always getting grounded.


How do cups greet each other?

Obviously with mugs and kisses.


What did the coffee do after it got mugged?

It got drunk.

What did the coffee do after it got mugged? It got drunk.


What is fat, slimy and drinks a lot of Coffee?

Java the Hut.

Read: The funniest Star Wars Jokes and Puns from the movies


I was reading a book about the origin of cappuccino but it was all froth and no substance.


Words cannot espresso how much you bean to me.


Hey my wife, Just wanted to tell you: you’re brew-ti-ful.


What do you call two coffee mugs sitting next together?

A happy cup-ple.


Where does the astronaut and NASA get their coffee from?

Starbucks

Starbucks Jokes

When we talk about coffee, starbucks jokes cannot be that far. To have this list complete, we compiled as well funny jokes on Starbucks. You will see, they are pretty mixed.


There are two types of people in this world: People who love Starbucks and liars.


Did you hear about the Starbucks no-mask deal?

Mask-less customers who purchase a Grande hot coffee today, will get a free Venti later.


Where does the astronaut and NASA get their coffee from?

Starbucks


A tall blonde walks into Starbucks.

Barista: “Hey, we have a drink named after you!”

The blonde: “You have a drink named Angela?”


Why can Starbucks get away with charging outrageous prices for coffee?

Because they have Italian titles for everything!


I told the woman in Starbucks to make a coffee for my girlfriend.

“How strong?”, she asked.

“Well, to be honest with you, I could definitely take her in a fight.”


What is the difference between a Starbucks latte and a whore?

Nothing, they both suck and empty your wallet!


What did the doctor say when a baby was born holding a Starbucks latte?

“Its a white girl.”


Who is more expensive: Starbucks vs Victoria Secrets?

Question might be: Who charges more per cup?

Starbucks Jokes

Funny Coffee One Liners Jokes

A one-liner is a joke that is delivered in a single line. A good one-liner is said to be pithy, concise and meaningful. – Source: Wikipedia.

Before I already list you a bunch of short coffee jokes, that you can easily remember and deliver in a punchy way. Remember…the punch line? Below I add a few more coffee one liner jokes you will surely love as well. You can thank me a latte later.


A day without coffee is like… Just kidding…I have no idea what that is like.


As it turns out, 93% of my personality was just coffee.


I like big cups and I cannot lie.


Wanna hear a joke?

Decaf.


I like my coffee Legally Blonde


Coffee. Because prison orange is not my color.


What goes best with a cup of coffee? Another cup.”

– Henry Rollins


Coffee. The most important meal of the day.


I find your lack of caffeine offensive.


Not all who wander are lost. They’re just looking for coffee.

Not all who wander are lost. They're just looking for coffee.


As long as there was coffee in the world, how bad could things be?


I don’t have a problem with caffeine. I have a problem without it.


Coffee. My hot friend I was telling you about.


Not to get technical, but according to chemistry, coffee is a solution.


“We want to do a lot of stuff; we are not in great shape. We didn’t get a good nights sleep. We are a little depressed. Coffee solves all these problems in one delightful little cup.”

– Jerry Seinfeld

Summary

Of course you are still here. After all, you probably had a bunch of coffee and have enough energy to read 72 more of my jokes. Good for you, I even have more. Check out my favorite teen jokes of all times and the funniest animal jokes with dogs, cats and camels.

If you just poured your first cup of café and still need some boost, then check out these best motivational songs. You won’t hold still, I bet.

Did we miss any famous coffee quote? A fun pun for your coffee mug? Then leave it in the comment below. We would love to hear from you.

 

47 Coffee Puns and Jokes - Some are Roasted others are Bitter

Jimmy
I am Jimmy, clown at heart. I love silly, funny, nerdy, quirky jokes. So I thought I should start a website about jokes. Why a carrot as a logo? Why not! Here, have a carrot!