82 HILARIOUS Texas Jokes That Are Perfect For Cowboys Like You!

84 HILARIOUS Texas Jokes That Are Perfect For Cowboys Like You!

Texas is a melting pot of beautiful things, and its people reflect that. They are known for their BBQ and high temperatures. So, if you are going on a vacation in Texas, you need to pack up one of these hilarious Texas jokes to have a happy and safe trip.

It has one of the biggest populations and area land in the United States, making it more interesting to go there. The weather and the culture make it more adventurous to have a vacation in Texas. That’s why you can find a lot of tourists visiting it.

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You can also check these cowboy jokes for more laughs!

Texas One Liners

Are you looking to have some fun? Then you might want to check out these jokes about Texas weather, Texas one-liners,  and Texan jokes that can make you giggle. Enjoy laughing at these amusing one-liners, and remember to share them with your friends!

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What’s the difference between Taxes and Texas?
Taxes can keep your electrical grid operational.

What’s the difference between Taxes and Texas

To all ya’ll in Texas without tap water
Get well soon.

To everyone freezing their asses off in Texas.
Go stand in the corner, it’s 90 degrees.

If Texas saw many, many more tornadoes
It would be called “Vortexas”.

After this week’s bad weather in Texas, there’ll probably be a baby boom in nine months.
That snow coincidence.

What do men wear in a Texas synagogue?
A Y’allmulke

The Texas State Aquarium taught a crow to play connect four, too bad they didn’t teach it Clue…
I bet it would murder the game.

Did Texas survive last week’s winter storms?

Why does Texas suck at the internet?
Every thread they start is lame.

Patrick: Can we say that plants from Texas are dumb?!  Can we say shoes from Texas are dumb?!
Spongebob: OK Patrick that’s enough.

I just heard of an Alaskan who wants to visit Texas, but he’s afraid to…
…He suffers from claustrophobia.

I’d make a Texas holdem joke…
But I think it would be a flop.

I'd make a Texas holdem joke

Why did the man decide to get divorced in Texas?
He remembered the alimony.

I want to get a tattoo of Texas around my butthole
Cause you don’t mess with Texas.

All my exes live in Texas
but my wives are from Utah.

I once played Texas Hold Em against a sheet of paper.
It folded.

What do Texans call OPEC?
Oil Pricing Evil Cartel!

A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers.
He says, “I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard…

Laugh more: Funny Bar Jokes

All my exes live in Texas.
Funny enough, so do all my cousins.

Why did the chicken cross the road in Texas?
To prove to the armadillo that it could be done.

How do cars greet each other in Texas?

What’s the difference between taxes and Texas?
At no point have my taxes ever been frozen.

What’s the difference between taxes and Texas

A 106-year-old cowboy in Texas recently passed away.

He was asked on his last birthday earlier this year his secret to longevity.

He told them that for the past 50 years he had sprinkled a little gunpowder on his cereal each morning.

He left behind 8 children, 21 grandchildren, 32 great-grandchildren, and a 15 foot hole in the crematorium.

Texas Puns

Having a long day traveling around Texas or just being at home watching TV might be tiring. Well, we’ve rounded up these humorous Texas puns for you to freshen up your day. Have fun!

Austin cream pie.

Great Tex-Mex-tations.

This is Texas Stew-pendous.

Someone call the Dr. Pepper.

Spill the sweet tea.

She’s my Frito pie.

She’s got a brisket to ride.

I’ve got chillis. They’re multiplying.

Moving To Texas Jokes

Are you moving to Texas? Or perhaps, you’re planning to stay there for a while? Well, you’ve come to the right page because we’ve got these hilarious Moving To Texas jokes that can make you laugh out loud!

What’s the first thing a Texas girl does when she wakes up in the morning?
Walks home.

What's the first thing a Texas girl does when she wakes up in the morning

How do you break a North Texas grads finger?
Punch him in the nose.

How do you get a UTEP fan to laugh all weekend long?
Tell him a joke Monday morning.

Where can you message people while driving?

Why do Red Raiders fans smell so bad?
So blind people can hate them too.

Did you hear that 9 out of 10 coeds are good-looking?
The other one goes to North Texas.

Whats the difference between El Paso and yogurt?
Yogurt has an active living culture.

Why do the Texas Longhorns eat cereal straight from the box?
They choke whenever they get near a bowl.

What happens when blondes move from Louisiana to Texas?
Both states become smarter!

What do you call “Boomer Sooner!” signs on a lawn at a home in Texas?
Home improvement.

What do you call "Boomer Sooner!" signs on a lawn at a home in Texas

Texas Knock Knock Jokes

Do you also love making fun of Texas? Whether it is a pun or a one-liner nothing else is funnier than these hilarious Texas knock-knock jokes. Scroll now with us as you read these funny jokes that I’m sure will have you chuckle!

Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Texas who?
Texas are getting higher every year!

Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Heywood you hand me that lasso?

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Handsome who?
Handsome chili to me.

Dallas Texas Jokes

You’re a Texan at heart if you can chuckle about being shirtless one day and wearing gloves the next, the types of food people eat, and how the rest of the world views Texas. We’ve compiled a list of the funniest Dallas Texas jokes you’ve never heard before. Enjoy reading!

What Do you call 20 Millionaires watching the Superbowl?
The Dallas Cowboys.

What Do you call 20 Millionaires watching the Superbowl

What’s the safest place in Dallas during a tornado?
The Cowboys stadium, the only place there’ll never be a touchdown.

What do the Dallas Cowboys do when they win the Superbowl?
Turn off their Nintendo and go to bed.

Where are people in Dallas staying to avoid getting Ebola?
The Cowboys Stadium. Because they can’t catch anything there.

How does Dallas Cowboys fans change a lightbulb?
They don’t… they just talk about how good the old one was.

Ebola is in Dallas?
At least the Dallas Cowboys don’t have to worry about it. They can’t catch anything.

What do the Dallas Cowboys and the Postal Service have in common?
Both, don’t deliver on Sundays.

How many Dallas Cowboys fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
They don’t. They just talk about when it did work.

Never by a blanket from the Dallas Cowboys secondary…
…they can’t cover anybody!

What do the Dallas Cowboys do when they win the Superbowl?
Turn off their Nintendo and go to bed.

What do the Dallas Cowboys do when they win the Superbowl

Houston Texas Jokes

Urban style meets Southern warmth in this city. It is such a crowded city that will give you amusing experiences and inexpressible joy. Enjoy yourselves with this collection of jokes about Houston, Texas. Come along on this once-in-a-lifetime voyage as you read these hilarious jokes about Texas.

What’s the difference between a University of Houston sorority sister and a scarecrow?
One lives in a field and is stuffed with hay. The other frightens birds and small animals.

Why do University of Houston grads keep their diplomas on their dashboards?
So they can park in handicap spaces.

What do you call a good-looking girl on the University of Houston campus?
A visitor.

Why do Houston Cougars students have such beautiful noses?
They’re hand-picked.

Laugh more: Funny Student Puns and Jokes

How is a Houston girl different from a bowling ball?
Sometimes a bowling ball is hard to pick up.

Read more: Sports Jokes and Soccer Jokes 

Austin Texas Jokes

Austin is the capital city of Texas and is popularly known as the home of live music. It can also be a source of abundant joy because of jokes about Texans. Enjoy reading the compilation of these hilarious jokes that will surely complete your day and make it a memorable one.

I wouldn’t have pegged Austin as that kind of person, but apparently, she did.

What did Austin Powers say when he visited the apiary?
Oh bee HIVE!

What did Austin Powers say when he visited the apiary

At 26 years old. I just learned
That the Austin Powers movies are James Bond spoofs.

So Mike Myers was sent to jail for cocaine charges.
Rumor has it his fellow inmates have started calling him Austin Powders.

Did you hear Disney is making Austin Powers into a Jedi?
It’s called Obi-have.

Read more: BEST Disney Jokes

I named my pet rock after a wrestler.
Stone Called Steve Austin.

I finally talked to my ex again after she ran off, and now I know where she’s been.
Apparently, she’s been in Austin.

Does anyone remember this from the Austin Powers commercial?
“If you see one movie this summer… see Starwars… but if you see two movies see Austin Powers….”

Laugh more: Funny and Sunny Summer Jokes

Longhorn Jokes

Are you finding ways to leave your worries behind? Why don’t you give yourself a chance and indulge in this collection of jokes regarding Longhorns? These jokes will help you forget your bad day. Cheer up and use these funny jokes as your springboard.

Is there big money in the Texas longhorn cattle business?
So I’ve herd!

Is there big money in the Texas longhorn cattle business

What do Texas longhorns get when they are sick?
Hay Fever

What do Texas longhorns like to listen to?
Texas Moo-sic!

What do Texas longhorns read at the breakfast table?
A Texas moospaper!

What do Texas longhorns wear when they’re vacationing in Hawaii?
Texas Moo- Moos!

What do you call a Texas longhorn that plays the guitar?
A Texas Moosician!

What do you call a group of Texas longhorn cattle sent into orbit?
The first herd shot round the world!

What two members of the Texas longhorn family go everywhere with you?
Your calves!

What would you hear at a Texas longhorn Steer concert?
Texas Moo-sic!

How did the Texas longhorn Cow feel when she couldn’t give any milk?
Like an udder failure!

How do Texas bulls drive their cars?
They steer them!

Read more: Fast and Crazy Car Jokes

How do Texas bulls drive their cars

How does a Texas longhorn do math?
With a cowculator!

If a longhorn bull is chasing you, what steps should you take?
The longest ones I could!

If you crossed a Texas longhorn with an insect, what would you get?
A Texas moosquito!

If you had a gun and you were being chased by a Texas longhorn bull and a mountain lion, which one would you shoot first?
The mountain lion. You can always shoot the bull in Texas!

Laugh more here: Hilarious Mountain Puns and Jokes

If you see a whole field of Texas longhorns, what’s a fast way to figure out how many cattle there are?
Count the hooves and divide by four!

What do you call a sleeping steer?
A Texas bull dozer!

Laugh more here: Funniest Sleeping Jokes

What kind of Texas cattle goes, “Beeeeep, beeeeep!”
A longhorn!

What magazine makes Texas longhorns stampede to the newsstand?

Read more: Cow Jokes and Puns

What newspaper do Texas longhorns read?
The Texas Daily Moos.

What sound do you hear when you drop a big bomb on a Texas longhorn?

What sound do you hear when you drop a big bomb on a Texas longhorn


Texas is a large state with a distinct culture. Texas is also known for having a unique sense of humor compared to other states. There is a strong cultural link between Texas and laughter. We all know that laughter is the best medicine, and there is no better place to find it than in the great state of Texas.

Having fun and laughing with your loved ones can be great for both your health and mental health that’s why we’ve gathered up these hilarious Texas jokes for you to have a good time with your friends and family! We hope that you liked them. Feel free to use these jokes on your friends and make them feel loved as you crack these jokes around them.

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I am Jimmy, clown at heart. I love silly, funny, nerdy, quirky jokes. So I thought I should start a website about jokes. Why a carrot as a logo? Why not! Here, have a carrot!