School is so important and annoying, you have to take it with a sense of humor. Obviously, there are many funny and hilarious jokes about teachers and students alike. Since we all spend a big amount of time in school and maybe even college and university, it is a big part of our life. I tried my best to collect the funniest teacher puns and jokes that are both funny for students and teachers.
Both teachers and students can have an amazing sense of humor. But we all know that one teacher or pupil who is simply not funny, however hard he tries. And yes, I wrote HE, because it is usually a HE. I collected here the absolute best school jokes for kids.
I organized these giggly gags for you as well. Also, you can adapt them in your own style with a name or simply replace the teacher with the professor. I also set up a tag so you can find all related school jokes here.
Do you share these jokes? Then please add a link to this article. I will give a virtual A and your friends can enjoy more of my jokes collection.
Sincerely, I hope none of my professors will read them…I am afraid they will send me over a correction…
I also summed up:
- 30 best dad jokes of all time
- 97 best teen jokes – for school and daily life
- kids-friendly jokes for families
- funny riddles and quiz for kids
- best funny jokes of all time
- 103 worst puns of all time
- Funny Student Puns and Jokes
We share with you:
Generic Teacher and Student Jokes (both will enjoy)
Teacher: “Jimmy, do you have a question?”
Jimmy: “No no…I am just holding up my hand waiting for someone to give ma high-five!”
What are ten things a teacher can always count on?
Their fingers.
Why does the teacher always wear sunglasses?
Because his class is so bright.
What is the difference between a Teacher and a Train?
The teacher says “Spit your gum out” and the train says, “Chew, chew!”
Teacher: Jimmy, you know you can’t sleep in my class.
Student: I know. But maybe if you were just a little quieter, I could.
Laugh more: Funny Student Puns and Jokes
What do you do when no one laughs at your science jokes?
Keep trying until you get a reaction.
Why do magicians do so well in school?
They are so good at the trick questions!
Teacher: You missed school yesterday, didn’t you?
Student: To be honest, not really.
Teacher: Who is the King of the classroom?
The ruler.
Teacher: Why have you got cotton in your ears? Do you have an infection?
Student: Well, you keep saying that things go in one ear and out the other, so I am trying to keep them it all in!
Student: Would you punish me for something I did not do?
Teacher: Of course I would not do that.
Student: Great, because I did not do my homework.
Teacher: Didn’t I just tell you to stand at the end of the line?
Student: Well, I tried, but there was someone there already.
What do you get when you cross a teacher and a vampire?
Lots of blood tests.
English Teacher Jokes (and other Languages)
My English teacher used to quote lord of the rings to us
She used to say “you shall not pass”
How is an English teacher like a judge?
They both give out sentences. And they both judge you standing there.
Teacher: I want you to tell me the longest sentence you can think of.
Student: Life imprisonment!
What do you call an English teacher with a social media addiction?
Instagrammar.
What do you get when you cross a Software Engineer with an English teacher?
A programmar.
What do you call a french man in sandals?
Filippe Floppe.
English Class Teacher: “One day we will be corruption free. Which tense is it?”
Student: “Future impossible tense.”
I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of jail, but apparently you can’t end a sentence with a proposition.
Math Teacher Jokes (and other subjects)
You can count on me to have summed up a bunch of funny math teach jokes. But since math is not the only subject, but close to the most annoying one, you can find more jokes on different topics here. History or Geography jokes any one? No need to do some digging, you can find them here.
Teacher: Little Johnny has 10 cents, 2 dollars and another 7 cents. How much does he have?
Student: Clearly, a money problem.
Parallel lines have so much in common.
It is a shame they will never meet.
What do you call a group of friends who love math?
Alge-BROS.
Read: many more hilarious math and algebra jokes
What is a math teacher’s favorite sum?
Summer!
What is a math teacher favorite dessert?
Pi.
Why is the corner always the hottest part of the room?
Because it is always 90 degrees.
Why is 69 so scared of 70?
Because once they fought, and 71.
What is the difference between a cat and a comma?
One has claws at the end of its paws. The other is a pause at the end of a clause.
Read: All our hilarious animal jokes with cats and dogs
Our funny Physics Teacher started the class once with:
Never trust an atom…they make up everything.
Nobody laughed. We all failed.
Teacher: Anyone know any jokes about sodium?
Student: Na.
Student: I really don’t think I deserved a zero on this test.
Teacher: I agree with you, but that is the lowest mark I could give you.
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
At the bottom.
What did they do at the Boston Tea Party?
I don’t know, I wasn’t invited!
Why was WW1 so quick?
Because they were Russian.
Why was WW2 so slow?
Because they were Stalin.
Sarcastic and Mean Teacher Jokes
Whether you want some offensive jokes about teachers, some rude and mean ones, we have found them. I mean, obviously many students make up their own jokes about their teacher. Sometimes, it can be jokes about their favorite teacher even. So, if you are a teacher in any school, I am sure you have already learned not to take this personally. Okay, enough protecting, let’s read the offensive teacher jokes.
Teacher: I hope I didn’t see you looking at Jimmy’s exam?
Student: I hope you didn’t either.
Teacher: You copied from Johnny’s exam , didn’t you?
Student: How did you know that?
Teacher: Johnny wrote in question 12 “I don’t know”. And you put, “Me neither!”
Why do Teachers fart in class?
Because they are not private tooters.
A teacher tries to make the primary school kids realize about how great teachers are.
Teacher: Do you know that teachers know a lot?
Jimmy: Yes, you even know when we have to use the rest room.
One student to another one:
Do you remember how teachers used to beg us to shut up in class
while we were in school and they were begging us to speak in online classes?
Read: funny lockdown jokes
Teacher: “Jimmy, do you have a question?”
Jimmy: “No no…I am just holding up my hand waiting for someone to give ma high-five!”
Time is a great teacher…
Unfortunately it kills all its students.
One Liner Teacher Jokes
All right, for the lazy ones, I collected a bunch of one-liner teacher jokes that you can share with your school mates.
Teacher: When I have a bad day, so will you.
Teachers deserve a lot of credit. Of course, if we paid them more, they wouldn’t need it.
What is the difference between a Teacher and a Large Pizza?
A large pizza can feed a family of four.
Read: Hilarious jokes to tell family and friends
What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
A teacher!
Some drink at the fountain of knowledge. Others just gargle.
How did I get from Iraq to Pakistan at record speed?
I-ran
Things annoying teacher say: Do not pack up yet, we still have 26 seconds on the clock.
Why can’t you run in a camp site but only ran? Because it passed tents.
A globe means the world to a Geography teacher.
Be like a proton. Always stay positive.
I’ve been working on a Scandinavian joke. But it’s not quite Finnish.
Read: more hilarious travel puns and jokes
I will always tell you to follow your dreams, but I’ll never let you sleep in class.
Funny Professor Jokes
Since professors are basically teachers, I wanted to sprinkle in a couple of funny professor jokes. You can easily adapt all these gags and puns to teachers and mentors too. Same as in college and university, be creative.
Laugh more: Funny Graduation Jokes
When Chuck Norris was in college, his professor assigned an essay: “What is courage?”.
He received an A+ for turning in a blank page with only his name at the top.
My robotics professor likes to tell people he’s MIT
I am pretty sure it stands for “Made In Taiwan”
A film professor hangs a gun on the wall for the first day of class. Anyone who attended the final failed.
One day a college professor after getting irritated in his class stands in front of the class.
Professor: “Is anyone in the class is an idiot? If there is one then he or she, please stand up.”
After a minute a young man stands up.
Professor: “So? Do you actually think you are an idiot.”
Student: “No, I just didn’t want to see you standing there all by yourself.”
Literature professor: “Why can’t Severus Snape be a herbology teacher?”
Student: “Because he can’t keep the Lillie’s alive.”
Other Student: “Maybe he didn’t put them in the right Potter?”
Funny Student and Teacher Puns
Teachers who take class attendance are absent-minded.
Laugh more: Teenage jokes one-liner for the hearts of millennials
Are you cold? Go sit in the corner. It is 90 degrees.
Why did the boy eat his homework?
Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake.
Read more: Little Johnny Jokes
What is a math teacher favorite dessert?
Pi.
Why does the teacher always wear sunglasses?
Because her class is so bright.
Student: Can I do something to help my grade.
Teacher: well…it is May.
Student: I am sorry, MAY I do something to help my grade.
Do you know what is odd?
Numbers that can’t be divided by 2.
What is the favorite thing to do for a teacher during beach holiday?
Testing the water.
Teachers deserve a lot of credit. Of course, if we paid them more, they wouldn’t need it.
Teacher: What is the shortest month?
Student: May, it only has three letters.
If a teacher asks you, if you have any questions. She really means if you have any questions on the subject they are teaching. So, if she is teaching about Geography, you cannot ask her if “Puzzles” is a good name for a cat.
What do you do when no one laughs at your science jokes?
Keep trying until you get a reaction.
Teacher: Why are you late, Johnny?
Johnny: Because of a sign down the road.
Teacher: What does a sign have to do with you being late?
Johnny: The sign said, “School Ahead, Go Slow!”
Why Do Teachers Fart in Class?
Because they are not private tooters.
I just read a book about Helium.
It was so good, I couldn’t put it down.
Teacher Jokes for Adults
Interesting…you have made it this far to get some dirty teach jokes for adults only…very interesting! These jokes are not for the young ones. For even more dirty jokes for adults, check my other article. They are very very…
Have you ever heard of students having sex with their professor to pass an exam?
This is a real penetration test.
Teacher: And therefore, sperm cells are made up of glucose.
Student: So you’re saying that sperm has sugar in it?
Teacher: Technically. Yes.
Student: But it doesn’t even taste like that…
Teacher: what?
Student: what?
The moral of breaking bad:
Pay teachers more money!
I am dating an English teacher who keeps correcting my grammar during sex.
She gets particularly annoyed about my improper use of the colon.
Dear Students,
I know when you are texting in class. No one just looks down at their crotch and smiles.
The teacher writes on the blackboard: “I ain’t had no fun in months.”
Teacher: “How should I correct this sentence?”
Little Johnny: “Get yourself a new boyfriend.”
Laugh more here: Funny Boyfriend Jokes
I was seduced by my English teacher. She made me have sex with her
Did you notice the above sentence didn’t end with a period?
Well, the teacher is due next month.
The teacher brings a statue of Venus into class.
Teacher: “What do you like best about it, class? Let’s start with you, Robert.”
Mike: “The artwork!”
Teacher: “Very good. And you, Johnny?”
Johnny: “Her boobs!”
Teacher: “Johnny, get out! Go stand in the hall”…”And you, Harry?”
Harry: “I’m leaving, teacher, I’m leaving”
During a lesson little Johnny yawns extremely wide.
Teacher tries to be funny: “Johnny, don’t swallow me.”
Little Johnny: “Don’t worry, teacher, I don’t eat pork.”
Teacher: Make an opposite of this sentence: ‘Kids in the dark usually make errors.’
Little Johnny: Errors in the dark usually make children.
Sum up the class, the teacher said
Like any good teacher, I hope you just learned something and you remember it. And same as in school, there is always more:
- the funniest teen jokes of all time
- incredible hilarious math jokes and riddles
- super funny lockdown jokes – they are funny because they are true.
- test your wits with challenging and hard riddles for adults
Do you have your own school jokes you want to share? Please please drop us a line below. Leave your joke below in the comment section and we will share it.
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