Looking for the pun of the day? Well, we have some good puns and bad puns for you. Pun is a form of word play that’s very creative and more importantly, humorous. Puns and jokes are good ice breakers to tell a friend or a family member.
Post it online, email your co-workers, share it with the whole community even. Let’s just hope they don’t report you to the authorities, because you’ll be killing it. Yeah, that’s right. I just did.
For more laughs, you can have a look at these FUNNY dad jokes!
Bad Puns But FUNNY
Bad puns are undeniably cheesy and sometimes corny, but everybody loves it. It’s funny because it’s bad. Here are some high quality cringe-worthy puns you can share with your friends. Let’s just hope they don’t unfriend you after this.
Don’t interrupt someone working intently on a word puzzle.
Chances are, you’ll hear some cross words.
You really shouldn’t be intimidated by advanced math…
it’s easy as pi!
My ex-wife still misses me.
But her aim is starting to improve!
What are good baby names for a hamburger?
Patty and Kate-chup!
Why was the baby ant confused?
Because all his uncles were ants!
I just found out that I’m color blind.
The news came completely out of the green!
Laugh more: 30 best funny dad jokes of all time
Whenever I undress in the bathroom…
My shower gets turned on!
Why didn’t the cat go to the vet?
He was feline fine!
What did syrup to the waffle?
I love you a waffle lot!
Who is the penguin’s favorite Aunt?
I once met a pig that did karate…
we called him Pork Chop!
The quickest way to make antifreeze?
Just steal her blanket!
Did you hear about that cheese factory that exploded in France?
There was nothing left but de Brie!
Took an airline company to court today after my luggage went missing.
I lost the case.
Think you can score better puns?
Finish the joke!
Horrible But Funny Puns
What’s even worse than a bad pun? The list goes on. So, the pun list that we have is not really that bad. These are horrible but funny puns that you can tell everyone.
My parents said I can’t drink coffee anymore.
Or else they’ll ground me!
What should a lawyer always wear to a court?
A good lawsuit!
Somebody stole all my lamps….
And I couldn’t be more de-lighted!
Why was Harry Potter sent to the office?
Because he was cursing in class.
I went to an Indian restaurant last night for some garlic bread.
But they had naan.
My wife refuses to go to a nude beach with me…
I think she’s just being clothes-minded!
One lung said to another…
We be-lung together!
Why was the cookie sad?
Because his mom was a wafer long!
I used to go fishing with Skrillex.
But he kept dropping the bass!
Laugh out loud with our funny fish puns and jokes
What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo?
One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter!
I asked a Frenchman if he played video games.
He said Wii!
What did the sushi say to the bee?
Sure, I drink brake fluid.
But I can stop anytime!
My girlfriend thought I’d never be able to make a car out of spaghetti…
You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta!
Coffee has a rough time in our house.
It gets mugged every single morning!
What did the duck say when she purchased new lipstick?
Put it on my bill!
What do you call the wife of a hippie?
I was walking through a quarry…
I said to the foreman, “That sure is a big rock!”
“Boulder,” he corrected me.
So I stuck out my chest and shouted, “THAT SURE IS A BIG ROCK!!”
What do you do with chemists when they die?
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity.
It’s impossible to put down!
The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar.
It was tense!
How did the picture end up in jail?
It was framed!
What is Forrest Gump’s email password?
Just Bad Puns
Cringing yet? One way to get sympathy laughs is using baaaad puns, if that’s what you’re aiming for. Or if you have kids, you can add these puns to your dad jokes collection.
I’m no cheetah…you’re lion!
Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar…
You can’t tell me that’s just a coincidence!
Never date someone cross-eyed…
You’ll always catch them seeing other people on the side!
What did the mayonnaise say when somebody opened the refrigerator?
“Hey, close the door! I’m dressing!”
Time flies like an arrow…
Fruit flies like a banana!
How do you make a good egg-roll?
You push it down a hill!
Apple is designing a new automatic car.
But they’re having trouble installing Windows!
That baseball player was such a bad sport.
He stole third base and then just went home!
I’ve started sleeping in our fireplace.
Now I sleep like a log!
I have a few jokes about unemployed people…
But none of them work!
Every soccer player’s favorite beverage?
Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
It’s okay. He woke up!
What do you call an overweight psychic?
A four-chin teller!
Why do eggs hate jokes?
The answer cracks them up!
I used to wonder why Frisbees looked bigger the closer they came…
And then it hit me!
Two egotists started a fight.
It was an I for an I!
I’m glad I know sign language.
It can come in pretty handy!
Cactus puns are simply succulent.
A police officer just knocked on my door and told me my dogs are chasing people on bikes.
That’s ridiculous. My dogs don’t even own bikes!
Read: More funny jokes about animals
I wanted to take pictures of the fog this morning…
But I mist my chance. I guess I could dew it tomorrow!
Why did the scientist install a knocker on his front door.
He wanted to win the No-bell prize!
My dad unfortunately passed away when we couldn’t remember his blood type…
His last words to us were, “Be positive!”
Did you hear about the guy who had his left leg and left arm amputated after a car crash?
He’s all right now!
I became a vegetarian.
Huge missed steak!
What should you call an average potato?
I bought some shoes on the drug black market…
I don’t know what they’re laced with, but I’ve been tripping all day!
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda?
He was lucky it was a soft drink!
I saw an ad for burial plots, and I thought…
“That’s the last thing I need!”
I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory.
All I did was take a day off!
Funny Jokes with Puns
Elevate your jokes with these puns. Remember that our puns are absolutely the groaniest puns around. Have a look and we are telling you that it is worth it!
Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I’ll show you A-flat minor.
I started a new job as a tailor last week.
It’s been sew-sew.
My computer’s got the Miley virus.
It’s stopped twerking.
A book just fell on my head.
I’ve only got myshelf to blame.
For Halloween we dressed up as almonds.
Everyone thought we were nuts.
I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory.
All I did was take a day off.
I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
Two windmills are standing on a wind farm.
One asks, ‘What’s your favorite kind of music?’
The other replies, ‘I’m a big metal fan.’
I had a job tying sausages together, but I couldn’t make ends meet.
I used to be addicted to soap.
But I’m clean now.
Whenever you jump on a trampoline, did you know it changes the season?
No matter what time of year, it always becomes spring time.
Cheesy Puns and Dirty Puns
One says a way to make someone in love is to make them laugh. Here is a list of cheesy and dirty puns you can tell on your date. Use at your own risk and hopefully it works.
Forget hydrogen, you’re my number one element.
Do you work for Domino’s?
Cuz you a fine pizza ass.
Are you from Korea?
Because you could be my Seoul mate.
Hi, I’m bisexual.
I’d like to BUY you a drink…and then get sexual.
Are you a campfire?
Cause you’re hot and I want s’more.
You still use Internet Explorer?
You must like it nice and slow.
I want to be your handbag so I never leave your side.
If kissing is spreading germs…
How about we start an epidemic?
Which is easier?
You getting into those tight jeans or me getting you out of them?
Excuse me, miss, can I have the time?
I’d check my watch but I can’t take my eyes off you.
Hi, can I get your baseball jersey?
You know your name and number!
Hey, can I follow you home?
Oh sorry, it’s just my parents told me to follow my dreams.
Did you sit in a pile of sugar?
Cause you have a pretty sweet ass!
When a penguin finds its mate they stay together for the rest of their lives.
Will you be my penguin?
You wanna know who’s amazing and has the cutest smile ever?
Read the first word again.
Do you know what’s on Valentine’s Day menu?
If my heart were to fly, your soul would be my airport.
You have repainted my life with colors that were previously unknown to me!
Is your dad Liam Neeson?
Because I’m Taken with you.
You smell like trash…
Can I take you out?
Hi, I’m writing a phone book, can I have your number?
I thought happiness started with an H.
Why does mine start with U?
I always like Coke and orange soda together.
They both make a good relation-sip.
What would happen if Peter Pan fell in a bottomless pit?
Three vampires walk into a bar. The first one says, “I’ll have a pint of blood.”
The second one says, “I’ll have one, too.”
The third one says, “I’ll have a pint of plasma.”
The bartender says, “So, that’ll be two Bloods and a Blood Lite?”
Yay! You are at the end of the list! You made it. We hope that you enjoy these bad puns collection that we shared with you.
We also have other great collections of jokes that you might take a look at.