Funniest one-liner Jokes ever
Do you know that that some of the funniest jokes ever told are simple one-liner jokes? Short quotes make such a mark because they’re easy to remember. Here are teenage jokes for you that you can share easily. You don’t even have to write them down.
My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo.
I had to put my foot down.
I heard there were a bunch of break-ins over at the car park.
That is wrong on so many levels.
When life gives you melons,
you might be dyslexic.
I used to have a handle on life,
but then it broke.
I was wondering why the frisbee kept getting bigger and bigger,
but then it hit me.
I went to buy some camo pants but couldn’t find any.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.
Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
I failed math so many times at school,
I can’t even count.
One in four frogs is a leapfrog.
I really wanted kids when I was in my early 20s but I could just never lure them into my car. No, I’m kidding. I don’t have a license.
Love is like a fart.
If you have to force it it’s probably shit.
Stephen K. Amos
I used to be addicted to swimming but I’m very proud to say I’ve been dry for six years.
My girlfriend is absolutely beautiful.
Body like a Greek statue – completely pale, no arms.
Light travels faster than sound.
This is why some people appear bright until they open their mouths.
I read recipes the same way I read science fiction.
I get to the end and I think, ‘Well, that’s not going to happen.
I don’t have a beer gut.
I have a protective covering for my rock-hard abs.
A friend is like a book:
you don’t need to read all of them, just pick the best ones.
I always take life with a grain of salt.
Plus, a slice of lemon. And a shot of tequila.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit.
Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
A healthy attitude is contagious but doesn’t wait to catch it from others.
Be a carrier.
I’m skeptical of anyone who tells me they do yoga every day.
That’s a bit of a stretch.
I don’t have a girlfriend.
But I know a girl that would get really mad if she heard me say that.
A computer once beat me at chess.
But it was no match for me at kickboxing.
I ran a half marathon sounds so much better than I quit halfway through a marathon.
A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.
A bargain is something you don’t need at a price you can’t resist.
A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops.
On my desk, I have a workstation.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Life’s like a bird.
It’s pretty cute until it poops on your head.
But all mine ever says is goodbye.
A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you’re in deep water.
A friend is a present you give yourself.
A computer once beat me at chess,
but it was no match for me at kickboxing.
If a child refuses to sleep during nap time,
are they guilty of resisting a rest?
What did one wall say to the other wall?
I’ll meet you at the corner!
What do you call cheese that’s not yours?
Would a cardboard belt be a waste of paper?
A sandwich tried to get a reservation at a restaurant,
but the waiter said they don’t serve food there.
I find that if you just talk,
your mouth comes up with stuff.
I wanted to be a doctor but I didn’t have the patients.
A man walked into a bar. Ouch.
I was addicted to the hokey pokey,
but thankfully, I turned myself around.
The best time to add insult to injury is when you’re signing somebody’s cast.
Years ago I used to supply Filofaxes for the mafia.
I was involved in very organized crime.
I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high.
She seemed surprised.
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day,
but I couldn’t find any.
I waited and stayed up all night and tried to figure out where the sun was.
Then it dawned on me.
I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah.
I thought: ‘He’s trying to pull a fast one.
Read: Funny Animal Jokes – From Zoo Animals, Dogs and of course, Cats
I have kleptomania. But when it gets bad,
I take something for it.
Time flies like an arrow,
fruit flies like a banana.
This bloke said to me: ‘I’m going to attack you with the neck of a guitar.
I said: ‘Is that a fret?
Funny one-liners on Life
Life is a terminal disease.
Take my advice
— I’m not using it.
If your diet soda has zero calories,
zero sugar, and zero fat, what the hell are you drinking?
Don’t trust atoms,
they make up everything
When it comes to emotions, women know how to paint with the full set of oils,
while men are busy doodling with crayons.
Where there’s a will,
there are five hundred relatives.
Always be sincere,
even if you don’t mean it.
It is much easier to apologize than to ask permission.
Now that I made it weird,
I’m going to make my exit.
I didn’t say it was your fault.
I said I was blaming you.
The important thing to remember is not to forget.
If a book about failures doesn’t sell,
is it a success?
Failed relationships can be described as so much wasted make-up.
If you try to fail and succeed,
which have you done?
No intelligent idea can gain general acceptance unless some stupidity is mixed in with it.
There are three types of people:
those who can count and those who can’t.
If you fall,
I’ll be there.
A clean house is a sign of a misspent life.
Summary on Funny Teenage Jokes
You’ve reached the end of the page and we hope you found the jokes that you’re looking for. Let these funny teenage jokes save you the awkwardness the next time you’re stuck in a room full of teenagers. We don’t know the chances of that but at least we’re making sure that you survive the conversation with them. Make them laugh and make them enjoy your company with your quick, witty, and funny teenage jokes!