Harry Potter Jokes

Harry Porter was no doubt one of the most amazing shows to hit the screen. and since its introduction, over two decades ago a lot has changed, but one thing we’ve always loved is the beloved characters of Hogwarts. While harry Porter has its scary moments in the series itself, we’ve also witnessed top quality jokes that will make you forget your fears.

in our society today there are dedicated Harry Porter fans and that shouldn’t be surprising. how wont you love that cute boy with his glasses. with all that power you would assume that the first thing he does is fix his sight and get that masculine body wouldn’t you? what a unique kid indeed.

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below are some interesting jokes that will leave any Harry potter fan rolling in tears of joy. Literally!

Funny Harry Potter Jokes You Should Learn

How does Harry Potter get rid of a rash?

With quit-itch.

How many Slytherins does it take to stir a cauldron?

Just one. She puts her wand in and the cauldron revolves around her.

Why does Voldemort prefer Twitter over Facebook?

Because he has only followers, not friends.

If a wizard gets robbed by a Muggle, has he been Muggled?

What do you call an electrocuted Dark Lord?

A Volt-demort.

Why is Mad-Eye Moody such a bad professor?

Because he can’t control his pupils.

Why does Voldemort prefer Twitter over Facebook?

He has followers, not friends.

Why does Voldemort love Nagini?

Because she gives him hugs and hisses.

Why did Lucius Malfoy cross the road twice?

He’s a double-crosser.

Why did the Dark Lord cross the road?

Because Potter couldn’t stop him.

How does Voldermont enter a room?

He slithers in.

How do Wizards change the light bulb?

One holds the bulb and the other rotates the room.

How does Harry Porter enter any door?

Through the Gryffin-door

Why did Harry Potter get pulled over for speeding?

Because he didn’t expect-no-patrol-man.

How did Harry Potter get down the hill?

Walking. J/K, rolling.

“Harry, your godfather is dead.”
“Are you serious?!?”
“Yep. Dead Sirius.”

Funny Jokes Only A True Harry Potter Fan would Get

Why did Harry Potter throw away all his old potions?

They were past their hexpiration date!

Voldermort is like a teen girl…

He keeps a diary, a tiara, a pet he loves, a special cup and he is obsessed with famous boys.

Laugh more: Unique funny teen jokes

Why did Snape stand in the middle of the road?

So you won’t know which side he’s on.

I think it’s funny how Voldermort always waits until the end of the school year to try and kill harry.

We must admit that despite his many flaws, Voldemort really cares about Harry’s education.

Why did Snape stand in the middle of the road?

So you’ll never know which side he’s on.

Wormtail: Master, can you really rise again?

Voldemort: Certainly, I will however need you to lend me a hand.

Where did you find Dumbledore’s army?

Up his sleeve

How do you know if someone is a pureblood? 

They’ll tell you.

What do you call a Hufflepuff with two brain cells?


Why did Berty Crouch Jr. quit drinking?

Because it was making him Moody

What’s the most unrealistic thing about Harry Potter?

A ginger with two friends

Why were the Weasleys afraid of the dementors? 

Gingers don’t have souls.

How do the Malfoys get into bed?

They Slytherin!

What does Harry Potter have that Voldemort doesn’t?

A nose!

On a scale of one to ten, how obsessed with Harry Potter are you?

Nine and three quarters!

How do you get a mythical creature into your house?

Through the Gryffindor!

Why does Neville get his trousers specially made?

He has a Longbottom!

More Harry Potter Jokes, Puns, and Riddles

Where might you find Dumbledore’s Army?

Up his sleeve-y!

The barman says, “We don’t serve time-travelers here.”

Hermione walks into a pub with a Time-Turner.

How do you know if someone is a pureblood?

Oh, don’t worry. They’ll tell you.

Why did Harry Potter cross the road?

No reason. But we’re sure someone will still write fan-fiction about it.

Is your name Oliver Wood?

Because you’re definitely a keeper.

Two Hungarian Horntails walk into a pub.

The first one says, “Sure is hot in here.”

The second one snaps back, “Shut your mouth!”

What do you call a wizard with his hand in a thestral’s mouth?

A mechanic.

Which side of a centaur has more hair?

The Outside.

Why does Voldemort love Nagini so much?

Because she gives him hugs and kisses.

What is Aragog’s favorite day of the week?


What is bigfoot’s favorite book?

Hairy Potter.

How does Harry Potter get rid of a rash? 

With quit-itch

What do you call an electrocuted Dark Lord?


Why is Mad-Eye Moody such a bad professor?

Because he can’t control his pupils.

What do you call a Potterhead on a horse?

Harry Trotter.

What would you call a reality show where Sirius Black adopted the Weasley children?
Orange Is the New Black.

How is the Battle for Hogwarts like a Black Friday sale?
Weasley twins are 50 percent off.

What did Harry say to Hermione when she lent him a galleon?
“Thanks for the gold kind, Granger.”

Still want more Jokes? Geminio!!!

For the wizard and sorceress that still do not have enough, the spell GEMINIO is a way to have two of everything you own. Basically, it doubles everything you put the spell on.

Therefore, GEMINIO:

Ow you have all the right tools in your arsenal to leave any Harry Potter fan begging  for more. These jokes wouldn’t just put you in the good graces of any Harry Porter fan, but also prove that you are a true fan yourself.

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