Do you want the most offensive jokes of all times? This list of not for the faint of heart; these jokes hurt, are dirt, are offensive and partially inappropriate. I am not judging, I am just getting you ready 😉
I also collected a bunch of darkest humor jokes you will love too.
47 Offensive Jokes you may not want to tell
Which sexual position produces the ugliest kids?
Ask your mom!
I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you’re “being a respectful friend.” Do it at home and you’re “destroying evidence.”
After death, what is the only organ in the female body which remains warm?
When does a joke become a dad joke?
When it leaves and never comes back.
Read: hilarious dad jokes easy to remember
What is this new 72 position I heard about?
69 with three people watching.
What is even worse than waking up after a party and finding a penis was drawn on your face?
Finding out it was traced.
How is sex like air?
It’s not a big deal unless you aren’t getting any.
What is the best part of a blowjob?
Ten minutes of peace and quiet.
How is virginity like a soap bubble?
One prick and it is gone forever.
A son tells his father: “I have an imaginary girlfriend.”
The father sighs and says: “You know, you could do better.”
Son: “Thanks Dad!”
Father: “I was talking to your girlfriend.”
What is the difference between your boyfriend and a condom?
Condoms have evolved: They’re not so thick and insensitive anymore.
What comes after 69?
My wife left a note on the fridge that said, “This isn’t working.”
I’m not sure what she’s talking about. I opened the fridge door and it’s working fine.
What’s the difference between a book and a teacher?
You can shut a book up but you can’t shut a teacher up.
Read more: super funny teacher and school jokes
My grief counselor died the other day. He was so good at his job, I don’t even care.
A black man was shot 15 times. Police said it was the worst case of suicide they have ever seen.
What do you call a little boy with no arms and no legs?
Why are women like parking spaces?
The good ones are already taken.
Sorry, there is no offensive jokes about cows.
Why? They all have been re-mooh-ved.
Read: super funny jokes about animals with puns
Yo mama so short when she smokes weed, she cant even get high.
Why is the white guy the scariest guy in prison?
Because you know he is actually guilty.
What do women and Nvidia have in common?
They both do not make very good drivers
Daughter: “Mom, how is it to have the worlds best daughter?
Mom: “I don’t know, honey, you have to ask your grandmother!”
Read more: funny mom jokes no one can compete against
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
They don’t know where home is.
What do you call a man who is crying while pleasuring himself?
My wife of 60 years told me, “Let’s go upstairs and make love.”
I just sighed and said, “Choose one, I can’t do both.”
What is the difference between oral and anal sex?
Oral sex makes your day and Anal sex makes your whole weak.
How do you call an IT teacher who touches up his students?
A PDF file
As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
Read: More travel puns and jokes
How is a woman like a condom?
Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
The ex-girlfriends walks up to her ex-boyfriend. She says:
“What is the difference between a joke and two dicks?
I can’t take a joke.”
Men vacuum the same way that they have sex with their wife.
They just put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse on the couch.
What is the difference between Jesus and a painting of Jesus?
It only takes one nail to hang the painting.
How can you tell if your husband is dead?
The sex is the same but you get to use the remote.
Read: More husband and wife jokes about marriage
Someone asked the other day how you spell “scrotum”, I replied ” you should have asked me last night as it was on the tip of my tongue”
What do you call a deaf gynecologist?
A lip reader.
What is the difference between black people and a cancer?
Cancer got jobs.
Top 20 Most Offensive Jokes by Jimmy Carr
Okay, you want even more? This short video by Jimmy Carr will make you laugh so hard, you may need new pants.
What else is funny?
Yes yes, we all love these nasty, morbid jokes. And the good news is, there is even more.
Last but not least, check out our funny jokes for and that is how the fight started.
Do you have more jokes for your own? Add it the comments, we would love to read it!