Dark Humor Jokes

39 Dark Humor Jokes – That got out of Control

You are looking for a dark humor? Well, here you go. Dark Humor is a different kind of humor that not every people are comfortable with. But, hey, this is your choice. After all, a strong joke gets a strong reaction.

I did my best to collect the funniest jokes with dark humor there is.

Dark Humor is also called Black humor or black jokes. Dark Humor describes it really best though. Dark, like your ex-girlfriends heart.

I also collected seriously dirty adults jokes here.

So without any further ado, dive in this world.

Important: These jokes can be offensive and aggressive to some people. Please take this into account before reading them.

Dark Humor Jokes that are dark…so so dark!

Dark Humor is like food – not everybody gets it.


What’s yellow and can’t swim?

A dead goldfish.


She: “What is your body count?”

Me: “for what?”

She: “for people you have slept with.”

Me: “ahh okay…I thought you saw my basement.”

She: “What?”

Me: “What?”


On a First Date:

He: “I work with animals”

She: “That is so sweet. I love a man who care about animals. So, what do you do for a living?”

He: “I’m a butcher”


My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.


Why do Cannibals not eat Clowns?

They taste funny.


“Just say NO to drugs!”

Well, If I’m talking to my drugs, I probably already said yes.


Did Jesus die a Virgin?

No, he got nailed before he died.


Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating? Because they have no body to go with.


What do you call a cheap circumcision?

A complete rip-off.


It’s important to have a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote”, one of my good friends would still be alive.


I visited my friend at his new house. He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.


Cremation:

My last hope for a smoking hot body.


The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn’t talking to me.

Read101 best Dad jokes of all time


Why are Americans so bad chess players?

They lost two towers.


My grief counselor died the other day. He was so good at his job, I don’t even care.


I will never forget my Grandfathers last words to me just before he died. “Are you still holding the ladder?


I just read that someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy.


My grandfather says I’m too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.


A man walked into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian said “no way, you won’t bring it back!”


Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.


My therapist told me “time heals all wounds!”. I stabbed him. Now we are waiting.


I have a fish that can break dance. Only for 20 seconds though and only ones.


My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?


A man is walking with a young boy into the woods.

Boy: “Hey mister, it is getting dark here and I am scared!”

Mister: “How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.”


I put the fun in funeral.


The cemetery is overcrowded and people keep dying to get in.


I don’t have a carbon footprint. I just drive everywhere.


I am confident, my last words will be “Are you fucking kidding me?!”


Did you fall from heaven? Because so did Satan.


What does my dad have in common with Nemo?

They both cannot be found.


Why was the leper hockey game canceled?

There was a face off in the corner.


Cigarettes are so good for the environment. They kill humans.


I am not sick, I am twisted. Sick makes it sound like there is a cure.


Why did Waldo go to therapy?

To find himself.


Why do vampires seem sick?

They’re always coffin.


Why was the orphans first phone a iPhone X?

Because there was no home button


Did you hear about that Italian Chef that died?

He Past-a-way.


What do you do if you’re ever attacked by a gang of clowns?

Go for the juggler.


What is the difference between jelly and jam?

You can not jelly a clown into the tiny car.


Tombstone engraving:

I TOLD you I was sick.


Where did Jimmy go after getting lost in a mine field?

Everywhere.


I was reading a great book about an immortal dog the other day. It was impossible to put down.

Read:

Summary Dark and Black Humor Jokes

Seriously, you are still here? You must be a tough one.

Do you know more black humor that we should add? Then leave it in the comments, we would love to add them.

Jimmy
I am Jimmy, clown at heart. I love silly, funny, nerdy, quirky jokes. So I thought I should start a website about jokes. Why a carrot as a logo? Why not! Here, have a carrot!