It’s the most wonderful time of the year! Christmas is just around the corner and everybody’s excited, and what better way to start this season than giving your friends and family a good Ho-Ho-Ho? It has been a crazy year and we deserve the gift of laughter. Here are some good and bad Christmas jokes that are actually funny for you and your loved ones.
Laugh more with our hilarious Holiday Jokes – including Thanks Giving and Halloween.
We share with you:
Funny Christmas Jokes
We have compiled a list of funny jokes for Christmas so you and your loved ones can make this holiday season extra special. Among the list is some actual funny Christmas jokes. So, pick out your favorites and laugh out all throughout December.
What did Adam say the day before Christmas?
“It’s Christmas Eve!”
What kind of motorbike does Santa ride?
A Holly Davidson!
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What did Santa do when he went speed dating?
He pulled a cracker!
Why was the turkey in the pop group?
Because he was the only one with drumsticks!
Laugh more: Funny Thanksgiving Jokes
What do you get if you cross Santa Claus with a duck?
A Christmas Quacker!
What goes “Oh, Oh, Oh”?
Santa walking backwards!
What do Santa’s little helpers learn at school?
The elf-abet!
Why was the snowman looking through the carrots?
He was picking his nose!
Why does Santa have three gardens?
So he can ‘ho ho ho’!
Read more: BEST Garden Jokes
What is the best Christmas present in the world?
A broken drum, you just can’t beat it!
What do snowmen wear on their heads?
Ice caps!
Christmas Dad Jokes
Who doesn’t love Dad jokes? You may have used all your dad jokes by this time and you’re looking to entertain your family while you cozy up in front of the fireplace. Well, it’s mostly clean Christmas jokes so it’s safe to share with all ages. Set your daddy issues aside and cringe, enjoy to these funny dad jokes.
What’s the Grinch’s least favorite band?
The Who!
What happened to the man who stole an Advent Calendar?
He got 25 days!
What does the Grinch do with a baseball bat?
Hits a gnome and runs.
What do fish sing during the holidays?
Christmas corals.
What is a Christmas tree’s favorite candy?
Ornamints.
What did Santa do when he went speed dating?
He pulled a cracker!
How did the ornament get addicted to Christmas?
He was hooked on trees his whole life.
Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?
Santa Jaws!
What do you call a kid who doesn’t believe in Santa?
A rebel without a Claus.
Where do polar bears vote?
The North Poll!
Why did Frosty ask for a divorce?
His wife was a total flake.
Why does Scrooge love reindeer so much?
Because every single buck is dear to him!
What’s Santa’s favorite snack food?
Crisp Pringles.
What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?
Claus-trophobia!
Why was Santa’s little helper depressed?
Because he had very low elf esteem.
Christmas Jokes for Kids
Nothing more precious than seeing your little ones’ smile and hear them laugh. Cracking up some holiday jokes for your kids can help you make their Christmas, more special. Pick out your favorites in this Kid Christmas jokes list.
What happens if you eat Christmas decorations?
You get tinselitus.
Why was the little boy so cold on Christmas morning?
Because it was Decembrrrrr!
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What comes at the end of Christmas Day?
The letter “Y!”
What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes. (or Frosted Flakes!)
Why do mummies like Christmas so much?
Because of all the wrapping!
What happened to the thief who stole a Christmas calendar?
He got 12 months.
What’s another name for Santa’s Little Helpers?
Subordinate clauses.
What do you call Santa when he stops moving?
Santa Pause
Laugh more: Most Funny “What do you call…” jokes
What is a cow’s favorite holiday?
Moo-years Day.
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How do sheep wish each other happy holidays?
Merry Christmas to ewe.
What is an elf’s favorite sport?
North-pole vaulting.
What does Mrs. Claus say to Santa when there are clouds in the sky?
It looks like rain, deer.
What do snowmen take when the sun gets too hot?
A chill pill.
What should you give your parents at Christmas?
A list of what you want.
What did the gingerbread man put under his blankets?
A cookie sheet.
Who delivers Christmas presents to elephants?
Elephanta Claus.
How does Rudolph know when Christmas is coming?
He refers to his calen-deer.
Where does a snowman keep his money?
In a snow bank.
What do you call greedy elves?
Elfish!
Why wouldn’t the Christmas tree stand up?
It had no legs.
Why didn’t Rudolph get a good report card?
Because he went down in history.
What kind of ball doesn’t bounce?
A snowball.
What did one snowman say another snowman?
You’re cool.
What is every parent’s favorite Christmas carol?
Silent Night.
How do chickens dance at a holiday party?
Chick to chick.
What is Santa’s nationality?
North Polish!
Christmas Jokes for Adults
You have played nice the whole year, working hard from 9 to 5, hustling all year long. Now, you deserve to loosen up and be naughty. Santa wouldn’t mind. Check out these naughty xmas jokes.
What do snowmen use to make snowbabies?
Snowballs.
What do a train set and your wife’s breasts have in common?
They were both made for kids but you can’t help playing with them.
How does Santa practice safe sex?
He always wraps his package before shoving it down the chimney.
What do three hos get you?
One very jolly Santa.
Why does Santa always come through the chimney?
Because he knows better than to try the back door.
How is Christmas just like any other day at the office?
You do a bunch of work and some guy in a suit gets all the credit.
What’s the most disappointing thing for a lover on Christmas morning?
When they get a sweater, but they’re hoping for a screamer or a moaner.
As I was paying the cashier for my Christmas tree, he asked, “Are you going to put that up yourself?”
I said, “No, I’m putting it up in the living room.”
Why are Christmas trees better than men?
Even the small ones give satisfaction.
Why does Santa always land on your roof?
Because he likes it on top.
What does One Direction and my Christmas tree have in common?
They both have ornamental balls.
Why did Santa send his daughter to college?
To keep her off the North Pole.
What’s the difference between snowmen and snowwomen?
Snowballs.
Wanna see the North Pole?
That’s what Mrs. Claus calls it…
What do you call Santa’s helpers?
Subordinate clauses.
What does Mrs. Claus get when she wears tight pants?
A Mistletoe.
Why does Santa always have a full sack?
Because he only comes once a year!
What do all the female reindeer do when Santa takes the males out to guide his sleigh?
They go into town and blow more than a few bucks.
What’s the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa?
Santa was smart enough to stop at three hos.
What’s the difference between a Christmas tree and Santa?
A Christmas tree will stay up for 12 nights, has cute balls, and looks good with the lights on.
Why does Santa Claus like to get naughty after coming down the chimney?
Because it soots him.
What happened when Mr. and Mrs. Claus got randy beneath the Christmas tree?
She came down with tinselitis!
Why was the elf having trouble with his libido?
He had low elf-esteem.
Why is Santa so jolly?
Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
What did Santa sing when he went down the chimney?
Chestnuts roasting on an open fire…
Why is Santa so damn jolly?
Because he knows where all the naughty women live.
Why was the snowman smiling?
He could see the snowblower coming down the street.
Why did Santa divorce Mrs. Claus?
He was obsessed with getting the cookie.
You know, that’s not a candy cane in my pocket…
I’m just THAT happy to see you.
Is your name Jingle Bells?
Cause you look ready to go all the way.
Are you Christmas? ‘Cause I wanna merry you!
Are you Hall? Cause I wanna deck the Hall.
Dear Santa…
Define good.
Little boy: Dear Santa, please send me a baby brother
Santa: Send me your mother
Santa saw your Instagram photos. You’re getting clothes and a dictionary for Christmas.
Dear Santa, I would like a new birth suit this year. The old one is wrinkly and sagging. Thank you!
What do you call a kid who doesn’t believe in Santa?
A rebel without a Claus.
Why do elves laugh when they run?
Because the snow tickles their balls.
Why did the Snowman want a divorce?
Because his wife was a total flake.
Why did the Grinch hit up the liquor store?
He was desperate for some holiday spirit.
One Christmas, a little boy wrote to Santa Claus saying, “Please send me a sister.”
Santa Claus wrote him back, “Okay, please send me your mother.”
What did Santa sing when he went down the chimney?
“Chestnuts roasting on an open fire…”
What do you call an elf wearing earmuffs?
Whatever the hell you want. He can’t hear you.
I love this time of year.
You can slam your laptop shut when your partner walks into the room and you don’t get any disgusted looks.
Say your left leg is Thanksgiving, and your right leg is Christmas…
Can I visit between the holidays?
Why does Mrs. Claus always pray for a white Christmas?
Cause she’s married to a guy who comes once a year.
Laugh more with our Funny Questions (and answers)
Why doesn’t Santa have kids of his own?
He only comes once a year.
What does The Grinch do with a baseball bat?
Hits a gnome and runs.
What do you get if you deep-fry Santa Claus?
Crisp Cringle.
Covid Christmas Jokes
This year has been tough, and with the pandemic, we are forced to stay at home and self-isolate. Covid really put us down on our knees, but what better way to deal with this than to laugh at it in the face? Here are some timely Christmas jokes you can enjoy during these times.
Which Christmas film was 30 years ahead of its time?
Home Alone.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because the chicken behind it didn’t know how to socially distance properly.
Two grandmothers were bragging about their precious darlings.
One of them says to the other, “Mine are so good at social distancing, they won’t even call me.”
Why did the pirates have to go into lockdown?
Because the “Arrrr!” rate had risen.
Why is it best to think of 2021 like a panto?
Because eventually, it’s behind you.
If I keep stress-eating at this level, the buttons on my shirt will start socially distancing from each other.
Did you hear that production was down at Santa’s workshop?
Many of his workers have had to Elf isolate!
What is Dominic Cummings’ favorite Christmas song?
Driving Home for Christmas.
For even more fun, check out my best jokes for vacation time.
Why can’t Boris Johnson make his Christmas cake until the last minute?
He doesn’t know how many tiers it should have.
What do the Trumps do for Christmas dinner?
They put on a super spread.
Who’s idea was it to sing “Happy Birthday” while washing your hands?
Now every time I go to the bathroom, my kids expect me to walk out with a cake.
My husband purchased a world map and then gave me a dart and said, “Throw this and wherever it lands—that’s where I’m taking you when this pandemic ends.”
Turns out, we’re spending two weeks behind the fridge.
Why didn’t Mary and Joseph make it to Bethlehem?
All Virgin flights were cancelled.
Why are Santa’s reindeer allowed to travel on Christmas Eve?
They have herd immunity.
Why couldn’t Mary and Joseph join their work conference call?
Because there was no Zoom at the inn.
Christmas Puns and Christmas One Liners
Looking for more humor about Christmas? Check out these funny Christmas one liners and short Christmas jokes for you to share with your friends and family!
Yule be sorry.
I’m pine-ing for you.
I have the final sleigh.
Love at frost sight!
Make it rein.
Sleigh queen, sleigh.
It’s lit.
How rude-olf of you.
It’s the most wine-derful time of the year.
Oh, deer.
All the jingle ladies, all the jingle ladies.
A mistle-toast to the holiday season.
Sleigh, what?!
The snuggle is real.
I love you from head to mistletoe.
You’re sleigh-in’ it.
It’s the most wonderful time for a beer.
Resting Grinch face.
You sleigh me.
Your presents is requested.
But wait—there’s myrrh.
Sleigh my name, sleigh my name.
Hold on for deer life.
The Christmas alphabet has noel.
Shake it like a pole-oriod picture.
EXTRA: Christmas Knock Knock Jokes
Just when you thought this list is over. Well, you’re wrong. We know you want more and we’re giving it to you! Knock knock jokes are a classic and everybody loves it. To make your holidays more jolly, we compiled some funny knock knock jokes you can share with everyone.
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Interrupting Santa.
Inter–
Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas!
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Mary.
Mary who?
Mary Christmas!
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Howard.
Howard who?
Howard you like to sing Christmas carols with me?
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Honda.
Honda who?
Honda first day of Christmas my true love sent to me…
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Anna.
Anna who?
Anna partridge in a pear tree.
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Oakham.
Oakham who?
Oakham all ye faithful…
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Ima.
Ima who?
Ima dreaming of a white Christmas…
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Wayne.
Wayne who?
Wayne in a manger…
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Avery.
Avery who?
Avery merry Christmas to you!
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Coal.
Coal who?
Coal me when Santa’s on his way.
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Olive.
Olive who?
Olive Christmastime, don’t you?
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Gladys.
Gladys who?
Gladys Christmas. You too?
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Yah.
Yah who?
Wow, you’re really excited about Christmas!
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Santa.
Santa who?
Santa Christmas card to you. Did you get it?
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Dexter.
Dexter who?
Dexter halls with boughs of holly…
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Olive.
Olive who?
Olive the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names…
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Oh, Chris.
Oh, Chris who?
Oh Christmas tree, Oh Christmas tree…
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Freeze.
Freeze who?
Freeze a jolly good fellow. Freeze a jolly good fellow…
Summary
Found your favorite joke about Christmas? There you have it. We have presented you all the funny Christmas jokes. You will definitely have something to share when your kids ask for it. If you want more jokes, we have more for you!
Got your own fav Christmas jokes? Throw them into the comments.
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- Funny Questions (and answers)
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- Science Jokes
- Funny Mum jokes
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