39 Car Jokes that will drive you crazy

87 Car Jokes That Will Drive You Crazy

A real man does not joke with his car. But since real men also do not use the internet, I take the chance and share with you the most hilarious jokes about cars and puns out there. You will find anything from To-Yoda, and Star Wars to Mercedes. Here you find even more hilarious car puns.

I added so many car puns that are super easy to remember. Some of them would make some funny car stickers too…think about it!

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Funny Car Jokes and Hilarious Car Puns

Are you having a bad day? Do you want to laugh and forget your problems? Then you’ve come to the right place! We’ve rounded up these funny car jokes and puns about cars that will make you laugh out loud!

With the rise of self-driving vehicles, it is also a matter of time before there is a country song where the guy’s trucks leave him.

With the rise of self-driving vehicles, it is also a matter of time before there is a country song where the guy's trucks leave him.

Husband: “Honey, the neighbor is washing the car with his son again!”
Wife: “Poor kid! Go over there and tell him to use a sponge instead.”

Read: hilarious mom jokes no one else can compete with.

Two police officers crash the police car into a tree at the side of a road.
One of them says: “Let’s look at the bright side, that is got to be the fastest we have ever gotten to an accident site.”
Other: “Plus, they did not even call us. It was pure intuition!”

Confucius says, a man who runs behind a car will get exhausted, but a man who runs in front of a car will get tired.

Read: funny dad jokes about cars and more

Want to hear a car joke?
Ford Fiesta.

Two crisp packets are walking down the road.
A man in a car comes along and asks if they want a lift.
They reply “No thanks, we’re Walkers!”.

My boss came to the office today with a new Porsche.
Me: “What an amazing car”
My boss: “Absolutely! If you work really hard, and put lots of hours in and strive for excellence at all times, I should be able to get another one next year”.

Read more: hilarious boss jokes for the office

My girlfriend left a note at my brand new Porsche. It said, “This is not working!”
I got nervous. I started the car and it is working fine.

What is the main difference between BMWs and Porcupines?
Porcupines carry their pricks on the outside.

What do Michigan autoworkers do on Cinco de Mayo?
They have a Fort Fiesta.

What do Michigan autoworkers do on Cinco de Mayo

I saw a car parked down the road with a bumper sticker. The sticker said “I miss New York City”
So I smashed his window in and stole his brand new radio.

Why don’t cars work after you change their wheels?
Because they are retired.

Laugh more: Funny Retirement Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

What was wrong with the wooden car?
It wooden go!

What caused the ice cream truck to break down?
A rocky road.

What kind of cars do cooks drive?

What happened to the frog who parked on the double yellow lines?
Its car got toad!

Have more fun with the 101 animal jokes

I changed my car horn sound to gunshots.
People move over now much faster.

I changed my car horn sound to gunshots. People move over now much faster.

What car does Hitler drive?
A fuhrerri.

What kind of cars do people in Norway drive?

Laugh more: More hilarious travel jokes and puns

What is the difference between a Fiat Punto and a golf ball?
You can drive a golf ball more than 200 yards.

What kind of motorbike does Santa ride?
A Holly Davidson!

Laugh more: funny holiday jokes

What do you call a black man that is hammered AF that is stumbling to his car from the bar?
An Uber so he can get home safely.

My daughter said I could never make a car out of spaghetti.
You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta.

Why couldn’t the car play football?
It only had one boot!

Why couldn’t the car play football

One day a man was fixing a car. By accident, he got brake oil in his mouth. He was about to spit it out, but then he thought: “Yummy, this tastes very good!”
So he would keep drinking brake oil. But his friends were getting worried about him:
Friends: “This cannot be healthy.”

He: “Don’t worry. I can stop anytime.”

If I owned a DeLorean, I would probably only drive it from time to time.

What happens when the frog’s car breaks down?
He jumps starts it.

What kind of car does Yoda drive?
A Toyoda.

Laugh more: Super funny Star Wars jokes for all nerds and geeks.

What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck.

What did the traffic light say to the car?
Don’t look, I am about to change.

What did the traffic light say to the car

Car Jokes One Liners

Cars are basically something that we dream of having at a certain point because why not! But, if it is impossible for now, maybe it is best if you settle in with these car jokes to boost up your day. 

To avoid a collision I ran into the other car.

Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?
He’s all right now.

There are a lot of female hormones in beer.
When I drink five bottles I also can’t drive a car and start behaving illogically.

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

Get a new car for your spouse – it’ll be a great trade!

New Teslas don’t come with a new car smell they come with an Elon Musk.

What did the koalas say after getting in a fender bender?

What did the cookie farmer and driver say?
I’ve been raisin’ cookies.

Don’t drink while driving – you will spill the beer.

What’s a mixed feeling?
When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

My wife is so negative. I remembered the car seat, the stroller, AND the diaper bag.
Yet all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.

I had to stop drinking, cause I got tired of waking up in my car driving 90.

Why are men like cars?
Because they always pull out before they check to see if anyone else is cumming.

How can you tell when the Mexicans have moved into your neighborhood?
The Blacks get car insurance.

Laugh more: Funny Insurance Jokes

If you want to change your life significantly just walk to the Mercedes-Benz 600 standing at the junction, take a brick, and throw it into the windshield.

What do women and police cars have in common?
They both make a lot of noise to let you know they are coming.

Funny Car Salesman Jokes

People frequently make jokes and barbs at vehicle sales associates. A salesman’s reputation is often tarnished, regardless of how honest and sincere they are. As a result, here are several funny car salesman jokes. And, as someone who works in the auto industry, I have to admit that some of them made me laugh.

Me: “Will this car fit 5 people?”
Salesman: “Of course, without any problems.”
Me: “Oh, that is unfortunate. My homies have lots of those.”

How to freak out a car salesman?
Just say to him: “Can you please tell me if you can hear me?”.
Then climb in the trunk and start screaming.

That car salesman over there is a real car-deal-ologist.
It has been a long time since someone gave me such a stress test!

That car salesman over there is a real car-deal-ologist

Car Jokes For Kids

Are you going on a vacation with your family and a long drive? Well, you need to pack up some jokes to have a fun and safe trip. Check out these kids car jokes that will ease their boredom.

What cars do snakes drive?
An ana-honda.

Laugh more: Funny Animals Jokes

I heard Gordon Ramsey drives a cool car.
It must be a Chef-rolet.

What’s got four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck.

What kind of car does Skeletor drive?
A Zam-bone-i.

What’s worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis.

Laugh more: Hilarious Cats Puns

Did you know that Ford is making a new heated tailgate?
It’s so your hands stay warm when you are pushing it back home in the winter.

Why can’t cars play football?
Because they have only one boot.

Why can’t cars play football

What do you do with old German cars?
You take them to the old Volk’s home.

How is a golf ball different from a Chevy?
You can drive a golf ball 200 yards.

What do you need to be able to drive in the Outback?
You need to show koala-fications.

What happens when Kermit the Frog’s car breaks down?
It gets toad.

What do Michigan auto workers do at Cinco de Mayo?
They have a Fort Fiesta.

What car does Yoda drive?
A toyoda.

What would you call Yoda’s business if he had one?
A Toyoda dealership.

Driving Jokes

Driving is always fun initially, but it may be tiring and boring when you go for a drive, and the destination is far. You might want to take a look at these amusing driving jokes and make driving a lot more exciting.

Here we have funny jokes about driving. 

While driving to work, robbers jumped into my car and stole everything.
They were pirates of the car I be in.

My friend text me ‘what are you doing now?
I replied ‘Probably failing my driving test.

My friend text me what are you doing now

I saw a lady texting and driving today.
I was furious. I rolled down my window and threw my beer at her.

My driving instructor told me to pull over somewhere safe.
Two minutes later he said, “Why haven’t you pulled over yet?”
I said, “Because we’re still in Manchester.”

Drivers Jokes

A driver is trusted in his driving skills to safely escort their passenger to another location. However, it can be sleepy and boring on the road. That’s why you need to bring this car humor around to break the ice and to have a good time!

Three drunk men get in a taxi. The driver immediately noticed they were drunk, so he started the car and turned it off.
The first man gave him the money, the second man thanked him, but the third man slapped the driver.  The driver was surprised that he noticed.
Driver: “Why?”
Third man: “Why did you drive so fast?!”

Read more: FUNNY Money Jokes

Two Cadillac drivers got in a fender-bender, got out of their cars, and then started yelling at each other.
Almost immediately they were in a fistfight. I do not mean to be dramatic, but things escalated quickly.

Who can drive all their customers away and still make money?
Taxi drivers.

Read: more funny riddles to test your wits

Every car driver did this at least once in their lifetime:
When you can’t find a parking spot, you turn down the volume to see better.

If the other driver had stopped a few yards behind himself the accident would not have happened.

Why is Miss Piggy such a bad driver?
Because all she does is hog the road.

Why is Miss Piggy such a bad driver

Best Racing Jokes

Sometimes when you have problems, a good joke can help to lighten up your day and make you cheer up a little bit. As a result, we’ve compiled these best jokes about racing to cheer you up.

Vlad the Impaler was a very successful racing instructor.
Bet you didn’t know that. He brought thousands into the ‘holy’ pole position.

What do you think you would get if you crossed a race car with a stud?
The answer is crashed potatoes.

Why did the legless dude think he won a race?
Because everybody already left.

It’s not called driving with a mask on.
It’s Mask Car Racing.

Does a retards have a favorite race?
Yes! The grand autismo.

Both my wife and child left me due to my horse racing addiction.
And they’re off.

What punctuation mark would most likely win a race?
That shouldn’t beat you. The answer is the “dash,” of course!

Chuck Norris and Time raced twenty years ago.
The result is inconclusive because Time is still running till today…

How did a barber win the race?
It was quite simple, though; he knew a shortcut through your hair.

How did a barber win the race

Did you enjoy these Jokes about Cars?

You will love these puns and jokes and more. Whether it’s old car jokes or new car jokes, all of these jokes are hilarious. So don’t forget to bring these jokes around when you are going for a long drive. Sometimes it is good to have fun and laugh around in the car, don’t disturb the driver, or else you might not have a safe trip. However, if you want to impress your friends, crack these jokes on them, and I bet that they will laugh out loud about it!

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I am Jimmy, clown at heart. I love silly, funny, nerdy, quirky jokes. So I thought I should start a website about jokes. Why a carrot as a logo? Why not! Here, have a carrot!