Liquors aren’t always bad, especially if you drink them in moderation. It can also be good for us. Vodka can improve your blood flow and help you lower your cholesterol level. It’s also a low-calorie alcohol drink, which makes it a good choice for people who want to lose weight. You know what else can help you with your health? That would be our funny vodka jokes.
Have fun and enjoy our funny jokes together with some vodka shots.
We share with you:
Vodka Jokes One-Liners
In addition to well-known names like Smirnoff and Absolut, Vodka is available in hundreds of other brands, some of which can be found at your local liquor store for half of the price. Take a look and have fun with our jokes.
You’re the Smirn off in my vodka.
Hey, I’ve got a big vodka bottle.
You are the vodka to my shot glass.
Call me if you want someone to share that beer with.
Is that a keg in your pants because I wanna tap that.
Girl, this isn’t a beer belly, its a fuel tank for my love machine!
Alcohol doesn’t expire, and neither will my love for you.
For the last time, I did not text you… Vodka did!
Hand me the Vodka and watch me get fabulous.
Coffee, you’re on the bench. Vodka… Suit up!
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The first thing on my bucket list is to fill the bucket with Vodka.
Vodka Pick Up Lines
Bartender says a lot of things, and sometimes we find ourselves wanting to connect to him at some point. So, in order to do this, familiarise yourself with some vodka pick-up lines that we have prepared for you.
I like my women how I like my vodka.
Strong, bitter, and deadly.
Are you a wine or whisky person?
Girl: I like vodka and gin but gin is my favorite
Boy: Girl you can’t ima**GIN**e what I’ll do to you tonight.
You don’t have to plaster me with Vodka if you want my number, Yakutsk just ask me.
What do you call a very angry shot of vodka?
Mean spirited.
Why is vodka so hard to obtain in the Star Wars universe?
Because only Siths deal in Absolut.
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Why won’t Obi-Wan mix you a vodka cocktail?
Only a Sith deals in Absoluts.
What do you get if you give a triangle vodka?
A rectangle.
Why did the bartender only charge his customer for the vodka in his screwdriver?
Because as of yesterday, OJ is free.
What is Obi Wan Kenobi’s least favourite drink?
Absolute Vodka!
How do you fix a bottle of vodka?
Turn it Smirnoff and on again.
Alcohol Jokes
When the bartender asks what you want to drink, what do you order? You should definitely try vodka martini and also our alcohol jokes.
What is a man’s idea of a balanced diet?
A Budweiser in each hand!
Whats the difference between Amy Winehouse and Captain Morgan?
Captain Morgan comes alive when you add coke!
What did the bartender say after Charles Dickens ordered a martini?
“Olive or twist?”
What did the bartender say after a book walked into the bar?
“Please, no stories!”
Why did God invent Jameson whiskey?
So the Irish would never rule the world!
What do Russians get when mixing Holy Water with Vodka?
The Holy Spirit!
What goes with Coronavirus?
Lyme disease.
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What did the man with slab of asphalt under his arm order?
“A beer please, and one for the road.”
You know what’s fun about being sober?
Nothing.
What do you get when you mix English class with alcohol?
Tequila Mockingbird.
I bought a bottle of vodka from an off license last night while riding my bicycle.
When I was about to leave, I thought, what if I fall off my bike and smash it, so I drank it right there.
My decision paid off as I fell off my bike seven times on my way home.
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Russian Vodka Jokes
Russians surely love their vodka. Russians prefer to sip their vodka neat. When it comes to vodka, most Russians do not combine it with any other beverages—not even energy drinks—not even juices or sodas. Their vodka should be served pure and chilled together with our vodka Russian jokes.
Know why vodka is so clear?
Its so Russians can tell it isn’t tap water.
Local retailers have stopped selling Russian Standard vodka.
That’s the spirit!
How much vodka does it take to kill a Russian?
None.
I don’t think drinking Vodka is the solution to all of my problems…
But it’s worth a shot.
In a Russian pharmacy.
Doctor: This medicine treats insomnia, this one treats nervous breakdown, and this one treats depression.
Patient: Thank you very much, doctor, but do you have any other medicine besides vodka?
Tell us, what forces you to drink vodka every day?
Nothing. I’m a volunteer.
If you’re in a hurry, what’s the best vodka to order?
Rushin’ vodka!
What do you call a bottle of vodka that a group of Russian coworkers share?
Team spirit.
What did the matryoshka dolls say when they kissed the Vodka bottle?
I feel like we are Russian things.
Why does imported Vodka have such a clear appearance?
So Russians can tell it’s not tap water.
How does every Russian joke start?
By looking over your shoulder.
Whats the difference between a smart Russian and a unicorn?
Nothing, they’re both fictional characters
What do you call a Russian with Tourette’s Syndrome?
Yukanol Fukov.
What is 150 yards long and eats potatoes?
A Moscow queue waiting to buy meat.
Laugh more: Funny Potato Jokes
Where do Russians get their milk?
From Mos-cows.
What occupies the last 6 pages of the Lada User’s Manual?
The bus and train timetables.
What do you call a gassy Russian?
Vladimir Tootin.
What is the fastest country in the world?
Russia.
What do you call a Lada on a hill?
A bloody miracle.
What did the Russian people light their houses with before they started using candles?
Electricity.
Did you hear about the winner of the Russian beauty contest?
Me neither.
Where do Russians get their electricity?
From Moscow Dynamo.
Summary
I like my Vodka straight, as the true Russian would say! We hope that you love our compilation of jokes about Vodka as much as Russians love their vodka. We have more alcohol related jokes that will make you laugh so hard.
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