30 Best Kelly Kapoor Quotes from The Office

30 Best Kelly Kapoor Quotes from The Office

Kelly Kapoor Quotes are entertaining with no limits. Being only a side-character at the popular TV Show “The Office”, Kelly Kapoor managed to become one of the favorite characters of the whole show. If you are familiar with the show, you know that there is many more characters with much more lines and quotes.

Yet, there is something special about Kelly. She is attention-seeking, witty, funny and cute.

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Therefore, I dedicated this full article to the absolute best Kelly Kapoor Quotes there is.

Read: Funny business jokes to share with your boss and friends

Top Kelly Kapoor Quotes from all Seasons

“Who am I? I’m Kelly Kapoor, the business bitch.”

"Who am I? I’m Kelly Kapoor, the business bitch."


“I am on the third day of my cleanse diet. All I have to do is drink maple syrup, lemon juice, cayenne pepper, and water for all 3 meals. Um, I just bought some bikinis online, size two. So… gonna look amaaaazing.”


Kelly Kapoor: “Jim! Oh my god, I have so much to tell you.”

Jim Halpert: “Really?”

Kelly Kapoor: “Yes. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, they had a baby, and they named it Suri. And then Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, they had a baby too, and they named is Shiloh. And both babies are amazing!”


Jim Halpert: “Great. What’s new with you?”

Kelly Kapoor: “I just told you…”


“Fall in love, have babies, spend every second together. But don’t tell him that, OK? Just tell him I’m like up for anything, I mean I’m not a slut, but who knows!”


“I wonder if these presents would be under as much scrutiny if I were white.”


“Who says exactly what they’re thinking? What kind of game is that?”

– Kelly Kapoor from The Office

Who says exactly what they’re thinking? What kind of game is that?


You guys I’m, like, really smart now. You don’t even know. You could ask me, “Kelly what iss the biggest company in the world?” And I’d be like, “Blah blah blah, blah blah blah, blah blah blah.” Giving you the exact right answer.”


“This day is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S.”


“I don’t talk trash, I talk smack. They’re totally different. Trash talk is all hypothetical, like, ‘Your mom is so fat she can eat the internet.’ But smack talk is happening like right now, like, ‘You’re ugly and I know it for a fact ’cause I got the evidence right there.”


“Five dots, Darryl, are you kidding me? OK, ’cause three dots means ‘to be continued,’ four dots is a typo, but five dots means, ‘Whoa, do not make me say what I want to say, baby, but if I did, it would blow your mind, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot.”


“No, no, no, no, no, no. She’s hot, OK? Because if you are saying that Hilary Swank isn’t hot, then you are saying that I am not hot. Because obviously, I’m not as hot as Hilary Swank.”


Will someone please explain to me what’s going on here. Since the interesting thing happened ’til now, so much time has passed. It’s like my life is buffering.


“You wanna call someone that texted you? Do you want to drive them away?”


Kelly Kapoor: “Well, I manage my department, and I’ve been doing that for several years now, and God, I’ve learned a lot of life lessons along the way.”


Jim Halpert: “Your department’s just you, right?”


Kelly Kapoor: “Yes, Jim, but I am not easy to manage.”


“I never really thought about death until Princess Diana died. That was the saddest funeral ever — that, and my sister’s.”


“Whatever we deny or embrace, for worse or for better. We belong, we belong, we belong together, Ryan.”


Dwight Schrute: “I bet you get pulled over by the cops a lot just because of your race.”

Kelly Kapoor: “Well they say it’s because of texting, but maybe you’re right.”


Gabe Lewis: “What are your weaknesses?”

Kelly Kapoor: “I don’t have any, a**hole!”


“I talk a lot, so I’ve just learned to tune myself out.”

"I talk a lot, so I’ve just learned to tune myself out."


“I am one of the few people who looks hot eating a cupcake.”


Meredith Palmer: “You are not supposed to wear white at a wedding…!”

Kelly Kapoor: “I know, but there was an emergency…! I looke really good in white!”


“Sometimes I get so bored I just want to scream, and then sometimes I actually do scream. I just sort of feel out what the situation calls for.”


“Yeah, I have a lot of questions. Number one, how dare you?”



Ryan Howard: “For all their generosity of spirit, they password protect their wireless?”

Kelly Kapoor: “Try Jesus.”


“I can’t control what I say to people. I spend the whole day talking.”

"I can’t control what I say to people. I spend the whole day talking."


“No. Not gonna happen. He has hurt me too much and too often. And I am in a healthy relationship now, so I’m not gonna flaunt it, I’m not gonna hurt him, but that door is closed.”


“Ultimatums are key. Basically, nobody does anything for me anymore unless I threaten to kill myself.”


“You gave your baby an allergic reaction… just to talk to me?”


“Fashion show! Fashion show! Fashion show at lunch!”


“No, he’s just a big fraud DeAngelo. He’s like Rango. He doesn’t work here basically, just like the way Rango didn’t save those animals. It was just a big misunderstanding.”


“I think sometimes people are really mean to the hot, popular girl.”


“My resolution was to get more attention.”

"My resolution was to get more attention."


“Cafe Disco? More like Crap-ay Disco.”


“Could you for once just let us enjoy a party instead of making it about all your issues?”


“If I get to stay and Ryan is laid off, I will kill myself, like Romeo and Juliet… the Claire Danes one.


Kelly Kapoor: “Lame? You worked at Anthropologie?”

Jordan Garfield: “Yeah.”

Kelly Kapoor: “That’s like my dream job. How did you even get that job?”


“If I was you, I would just like freak out and get really drunk and then tell someone I was pregnant.”

"If I was you, I would just like freak out and get really drunk and then tell someone I was pregnant."

And I know, I  have mentioned this one already, but this is just my absolute favorite:

Summary of Best Kelly Kapoor Quotes

If you have reached the level of Kelly Kapoor sayings, you are ready for this world. Some are funny, some are non-sense and some feel like a bullet.

Check out as well these best witty answers and comebacks. These could be easily quotations from Kelly Kapoor as well. Here are more funny quotes and comebacks.

Jimmy
I am Jimmy, clown at heart. I love silly, funny, nerdy, quirky jokes. So I thought I should start a website about jokes. Why a carrot as a logo? Why not! Here, have a carrot!