55 Funny Pregnant Jokes: A Humorous Journey Through Pregnancy 2024

Pregnancy is often not a humorous thing, what with the swollen feet and morning sickness. It’s humorous sometimes, but it can also be rather unpleasant and irritating. When in the third trimester you leaned over to put on shoes, did you ever spit up? When was the last time you simultaneously sneezed and urinated? To create more space for your pregnant pillow, have you ever thrown your significant other out of bed? Of course, there are times when gesturing is more playful.

While it has its moments, being pregnant is no joke. Everyone may have a crazy ride as their bodies transform, full of memorable experiences you may laugh about later. Although being pregnant is a wonderful experience, it can sometimes be embarrassing and funny. So these jokes can help lighten the mood if you’re experiencing a difficult pregnancy. For this reason, we’ve compiled this collection of amusing pregnancy quotes and jokes that will even make the unborn child giggle and kick. PS. It’s not necessary to be attractive to appreciate these LOLs.

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Brilliant Jokes About Pregnancy

Step into the world of belly laughs and baby bumps as we embark on a hilarious journey through the whimsical realm of pregnancy humor. Brace yourself for a collection of side-splitting anecdotes, witty observations, and uproarious tales that celebrate the extraordinary journey from conception to delivery. From cravings that defy the laws of culinary logic to the inevitable baby brain moments, these brilliant jokes about pregnancy are not just a tribute to expectant mothers but also an uproarious rollercoaster ride for anyone who appreciates the lighter side of life. So, fasten your seatbelts and get ready to chuckle your way through the trimesters with a collection of laughs that will have you saying, “That’s one for the baby book!”

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Why is it so great to be a test tube baby?
You get a womb with a view.

How do you win an argument?
Be pregnant. That’s it! You’re done.

How did Burger King get Dairy Queen knocked up?
He forgot to wrap his whopper!

I’m 20 weeks pregnant. When will my baby move?
With any luck, right after he graduates college.

What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with a terrorist.

The more pregnant I get, the more strangers smile at me. Why?
Because you’re fatter than they are, obviously.

What would be different if men were the ones who got pregnant?
Maternity leave would last for two years with full pay and morning sickness would rank as the nation’s #1 health problem.

How do you get a nun pregnant?
Dress her up as an altar boy.

What part of biology class do pregnant women fear?
The sea section.

What do a pregnant woman and a burned cake have in common?
You should’ve taken it out earlier.

How many days are there in a month?
Each month has an average of 30-31 days, except the last month of pregnancy, which has 5,489,234.

How do you get a blonde to marry you?
Tell her she’s pregnant.

Are you having a natural childbirth?
Why, yes—in that it’s completely natural to take drugs to alleviate excruciating pain!

What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb?
You can unscrew a lightbulb.

What’s the most common pregnancy craving?
For men to be the ones who get pregnant.

When’s the best time to get an epidural?
Immediately after learning that your girlfriend is pregnant.

Is there anything in particular I should avoid in the aftermath of childbirth?
Yes. Pregnancy.

My childbirth instructor says it’s not pain I’ll feel during labor, but pressure. Is that right?
Yes, in the way that a tornado might be referred to as merely an air current.

Girl: “Mom I’m pregnant again!! It must be something in the air!”
Mom: Yup…your legs, honey.

What do you do when your daughter, who claims she hasn’t slept with anyone, gets pregnant?
Start a religion.

Funniest Jokes About Pregnancy 15

Prepare to embark on a rib-tickling odyssey into the world of maternity mirth – welcome to “Bump and Grind: The Funniest Jokes About Pregnancy”! In this side-splitting safari through the wild and wonderful journey to parenthood, we’re peeling back the layers of humor, revealing the hilarious quirks and belly laughs that come with the impending pitter-patter of tiny feet.

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What is the oddest stage of pregnancy?
When people aren’t sure whether to congratulate you or buy you a gym membership.

What is considered the best time to get an epidural?
Right after you find out you’re pregnant.

The more my pregnancy advances, the more often I notice strangers smile at me. Why?
It is because you are fatter than they are.

How is a pregnant woman similar to a toddler?
She outgrows her clothes every week!

How to ensure your baby is a Shrek fan?
Play All-Star by Smashmouth all day, every day while your wife slowly goes crazy.

Our baby was born last week. When will my wife start to feel and act normal again?
When the kids are in college.

Am I more likely to get pregnant when my husband wears boxers or briefs?
You’ll have an even better chance if he doesn’t wear anything at all.

How many days in a month?
Each month has an average of 30-31 days, except the last month of pregnancy, which has 742.

What hurts even more than childbirth?
Having to sing “Wheels on the Bus” 20,000 times a day.

Me: I’d like to name our son James.
Wife: Why?
*9 months later*
Wife: My water broke!
Me: Let the James begin!

Me, on the phone: OK thank you. Bye. Wife: What did the fertility doctor say?
Me: Oh, nothing impotent.

Today at the pharmacy I noticed a woman without a face mask buying a pregnancy test.
She clearly isn’t a fan of protection.

What do you call a pregnancy that starts while using birth control?
A misconception.

If April showers bring in May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
Pilgrims!

Pregnant women afraid of What part of biology class?
The sea section!

Best Pregnancy Jokes 20

From the first flutter to the final push, the journey of pregnancy is nothing short of a rollercoaster ride filled with humor, surprises, and a dash of chaos. As I navigate through the exhilarating twists and turns of my pregnancy, I can’t help but reflect on the witty anecdotes that have peppered this experience. Wondering when my baby will make his grand entrance? Well, if all goes according to plan, it might just be right after he finishes college! Join me in this light-hearted exploration of the quirks, joys, and occasional struggles of pregnancy, where laughter is the best medicine, and a good joke might just be the perfect epidural for the soul. So, should you have a baby shower? Well, not if you can change diapers at lightning speed! Let’s dive into the comical side of pregnancy – from baby showers to cravings, midwife crises to the art of winning arguments – because, after all, every good story has a punchline, and in this chapter of life, the delivery is everything.

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I’m two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Do I have to have a baby shower?
Not if you change the baby’s diaper very quickly.

Woman: “Should I have a baby after 35?”
OB/GYN: “No, 35 children is enough.”

What do you give a new mom, so she’s ready for anything?
A diaper bag of tricks.

The stork is the bird that helps deliver babies. What bird helps prevent pregnancy?
The swallow.

I used to work on an assembly line making pregnancy pamphlets, but I quit.
I got tired of labor manuals.

Teacher: “Give me a sentence about a public servant.”
Student: “The fireman came down the ladder pregnant.”
Teacher: “Do you know what pregnant means?”
Student: “Yes, it means you’re carrying a child.”

What should a joke have in common with a pregnancy?
A good delivery.

What do you call it when you’re unable to find someone to help you through your pregnancy?
A midwife crisis.

How do you define pregnancy?
A nine-month-long hostage situation where you are both the hostage and the building.

What do a pregnancy test and hummus have in common?
They both require chickpea.

Don’t fear childbirth.
That’s the easy part. They don’t give you drugs to get you through motherhood.

What size pants do you wear?
Leggings.

What’s better than eating for two while pregnant?
Shopping for two.

What does a pregnant woman say after she apologizes for her random emotional outbursts?
“Up yours and I hate you.”

What is the most common pregnancy craving?
For men to be the ones who get pregnant.

What hurts even more than childbirth?
Having to sing “Wheels on the Bus” 20,000 times a day.

How to win an argument:
(a) Be pregnant. (b) That’s it, you’re done!

What’s the difference between a nine-month-pregnant woman and a model?
Nothing, if the pregnant woman’s partner knows what’s good for them.

How long is the average woman in labor?
Whatever she says, divided by two.

Summary

In conclusion, navigating the realm of pregnant jokes is like trying to find your way through a maternity store without accidentally buying a onesie for a nonexistent baby. It’s a delicate dance, folks! While laughter is undeniably the best medicine, let’s remember that the prescription might differ for each person.

So, in the grand comedy of life, let’s keep our punchlines as gentle as a baby’s first giggle and as inclusive as a diaper-changing tutorial. Because we’re all just trying to survive the chaos of parenthood, one sleepless night and spit-up stain at a time. Cheers to jokes that unite, not divide, and to a world where laughter can be the universal language, even if it comes with a side of pickles and ice cream!