60 Hilarious Wife Jokes And Funny Marriage Sayings 2024

Embark on a laughter-filled journey through the quirky and relatable realm of marriage with our collection of funny and witty jokes that your wife is sure to love! Dive into the world of matrimonial humor where the subtle art of comedic relationships takes center stage. Wondering if your spouse is still with you? Just check your finger when the ring comes off! Morning power dynamics? It’s all reflected in the mirror! From the challenge of never going to bed angry (or maybe being up for three days straight) to the mysteries of attractive underwear, these jokes capture the essence of married life.

Explore the uncharted territory of jokes about wives, discovering the magic of breaking curses and the art of forgetting in marriage. Witness the comical dynamics between couples and enjoy a laugh-filled trip into the intricacies of matrimony. Brace yourself for the humorous journey through the ups and downs of married life, where love is a sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock that rings a bit too early. Get ready for a riot of laughs with lawnmower husbands, Cinderella’s photography struggles, and the penalty for bigamy. Fasten your seatbelts for a witty ride where surprises abound, and humor reigns supreme in the unpredictable landscape of married bliss!

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Funny Marriage Jokes and Relatable That Your Wife Will Love

Step into the hilarious world of marriage with these jokes that are not only funny but also oh-so-relatable! Brace yourself for chuckles as you discover the subtle art of matrimonial humor. Wondering if your spouse is still with you? Here’s a clue: they both leave you hurt when the ring comes off. And who’s in charge in the morning? Just check the mirror! Ever agreed to never go to bed angry? Well, some couples have been up for three days straight. From attractive underwear mysteries to the ultimate difference between relationships and video games, these jokes capture the essence of married life—where laughter is the secret to a happily ever after. Your wife is sure to love these witty insights into the rollercoaster of love and laughter!

Laugh more: Hilarious Marriage Jokes

How can you tell if a spouse is no longer with us?
They both leave you hurt when you pull off the ring.

Every morning I like to remind my partner who’s in charge by holding a mirror up to their face.

My partner and I have agreed to never go to bed angry with each other.
I disagree with my partner.

How do you know if a person is divorced?
They both start off fun and easy, then get a little harder. If you make it to the end without breaking, everyone is shocked.

I saw my partner putting on their attractive underwear this morning. This can only mean one thing.
They’re usually, “I’m sorry. You’re right.”

Marriage is when a man and woman become one.
The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

My significant other and I met on the internet, and my parent asked them what line they used to get me.

My spouse and I have agreed to never go to bed angry with each other.
So far, we’ve been up for three days.

I asked my partner to let me know next time they experience pleasure.
It’s laundry day.

What’s the difference between a relationship and a video game?
“I asked my partner which they liked better, my face or my body?
I guess we were just raised differently.

“I love you,” they said.
It’s me talking to the wine.”

My partner told me I was rude for yawning when we were arguing.
Because they always have to repeat themselves.

When my significant other and I argue, I always get the last word.
They said, “Your sense of humor.”

I can remember when I got married and I can remember where I got married.
They know you don’t have one.

I asked my partner what line they used to get me.
Once you’re in a committed relationship, people stop asking about your intimate life.

Jokes About Wives You’ve Never Heard Before

With these hilarious jokes about spouses that will have you in stitches, take a laugh-filled trip into the unexplored realm of married humor! Have you ever wanted to break a curse? Ask the wizard, or even better, utter the magical words, “I pronounce you man and wife.” In marriage, forgetfulness becomes a calculated tactic to prevent repeating memories. Your wife using autocorrect? Good luck turning off the function! These jokes, which range from hospital humor to reverse wedding movies, cleverly examine the peculiarities and subtleties of married life. As you explore the intricacies of marriage like never before, get ready to laugh!

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“Maybe,” says the wizard, “Can remember the exact words of the curse?” The man replies, “I pronounce you man and wife.”

Any married man should forget his mistakes, there’s no use in two people remembering the same thing.

I haven’t spoken to my wife for 18 months- I don’t like to interrupt her.

It doesn’t matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.

How do I disable the autocorrect function on my wife? You don’t.

Doctor: “Your wife’s in hospital.”
Me: “How is she?”
Doctor: “I’m afraid she’s critical.”
Me: “Ah, you get used to that…”

Grooms, once you get married remember that when you have a discussion with your future wife, always remember to get the last two words in: “Yes dear”.

What is the most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday?
Forget it once.

I like to watch my wedding video running backward so I can watch myself walk out of the church a free man.

A man goes to see a wizard and says, “Can you lift a curse that a priest put on me years ago?”

“Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred.”

A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds: “Wife wanted”. The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: “You can have mine.”

Funny Sayings & Jokes About Marriage

Prepare to burst into laughter as we dive headfirst into the comical world of marriage with these hilarious sayings and jokes! Ever wondered about the challenges of becoming one in marriage? The trouble begins when deciding which one! Grooms, take note: in discussions with your future wife, securing the last two words is the key—just say, “Yes, dear.” From the mysteries of post-birth fitness to the restaurant-style regrets in marriage, these quips unravel the laughter behind the vows. Discover why love is a sweet dream and marriage is the alarm clock that rings a bit too early. Get ready for a riot of laughs with lawnmower husbands, Cinderella’s photography struggles, and the penalty for bigamy. Fasten your seatbelts for a witty ride through the ups and downs of matrimony, where surprises abound, and humor reigns supreme!

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Marriage is when a man and woman become as one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

Grooms, once you get married remember that when you have a discussion with your future wife, always get the last two words in: “Yes, dear.”

My wife gave birth four times and still fits in her prom dress from high school. I gave birth zero times and I haven’t fit in my pants since March.

Marriage is like going to a restaurant. You order what you want, then when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.

When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.

Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.

Why are husbands like lawnmowers?
They’re hard to get started, emit foul odors and don’t work half the time!

Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half shut afterward.

What did Cinderella say when her photos did not show up?
Someday my prints will come!

What is the penalty for bigamy?
Two mothers-in-law.

I must inform you that I’ve had rather a heavy night and I’m still feeling a little fragile. Therefore please spare a thought and try not to clap and yelp too loudly during my speech, however tempting that might be. You’d think I’d know better than to be out boozing in the early hours just before a big wedding, but I don’t like to see the groom drinking alone.

Marriage is full of surprises but it’s mostly just asking each other, “Do you have to do that right now?”

Just listen up while I tell you about this couple, and I’ll make it seem like the shortest 45 minutes of your life.

My wife renewed me for another season.

My wife says I can join your gang, but I have to be home by 9.

Funny Marriage Jokes

Hold onto your funny bone as we unravel the chuckles hidden within the realms of marriage! Forget terrorism – the real challenge is years of wedded bliss. Discover the sentimental side of marriage certificates and the quest for expiry dates. Hilarity ensues as husbands navigate the fine line between compliments and beer requests. Ever wondered about the space ban on women? It’s to avoid interstellar marital disputes, of course! Brace yourself for the 3.5-inch satisfaction and the psycho-logical dynamics of relationships. Lockouts, rain-induced depressions, and couch adventures await in this laughter-packed journey through matrimony. So, grab your sense of humor and get ready for a riot as we explore the lighter side of love and wedded bliss!

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Terrorism strikes no fear in my heart. I’ve been married for years.

I got all sentimental when I saw my husband looking at our marriage certificate for half an hour. Then I found out he’s been looking for an expiry date.

Wife: “Tell me something nice.”
Husband: “I’ll go to the fridge and get me some beer.”
Wife: “No, I mean about me.”
Husband: “You’ll go to the fridge and get me some beer.”

My son wanted to know what it’s like to be married. I told him to leave me alone and when he did I asked him why he was ignoring me.

Do you know why women aren’t allowed in space?

To avoid scenarios like: “Houston, we have a problem!”

“What is the problem?”

“Yeah, great, pretend like you don’t know what I’m talking about!”

Good news: Your wife won’t talk to you.
Bad news: She wants a divorce.
Terrible news: She’s a lawyer…

Women can be wonderfully satisfied with only 3.5 inches. No matter if it’s a Mastercard or a Visa.

The relationship between a man and a woman is a psychological one. The woman is psycho, and the man is logical.

My wife told me she needs more space. I said no problem and locked her out of the house.

Why don’t women propose?
Because when they kneel down, men get all the wrong ideas.

Wait for me honey, I’m just finishing my make-up.

You don’t need make-up, Jane.

Oh, Richard…. really? That is so sweet of you!

You need plastic surgery.

‘Darling, would you save me if I jumped into the water?’
‘Honey, if I say yes, will you jump?’

It’s been raining for days now and my husband seems very depressed by it.
He keeps standing by the window, staring. If it continues, I’m going to have to let him in.

I don’t really mind sleeping on the couch. It’s like living my childhood fantasies about the Wild West – including the angry mama bear nearby.

I received an invitation for a wedding. I answered: Maybe next time. Thanks.

American scientists have finally found out what a woman wants.
Unfortunately, she changed her mind since then.

It’s our anniversary, dear. How do you suggest we celebrate it?
With a minute of silence?

Honey, do you think I gained weight?
No, I think the living room got smaller.

Summary

In the riotous realm of marriage, these jokes weave a tapestry of laughter, offering a humorous and relatable glimpse into the intricacies of wedded life. From the subtle art of matrimonial humor to the quirks and challenges that define spousal dynamics, each joke captures the essence of love and laughter in marriage. Whether exploring the mysteries of attractive underwear or navigating the fine line between compliments and beer requests, the humor resonates with the shared experiences of couples. The jokes about wives add a fresh and hilarious perspective, while the sayings and jokes about marriage deliver a witty exploration of the ups and downs. As we embark on this laughter-packed journey, one thing becomes clear: in the world of marriage, where surprises abound, laughter is indeed the secret to a happily ever after. So, buckle up, enjoy the ride, and savor the timeless humor woven into the fabric of married life.