Finance Jokes

151 FUNNY Finance Jokes That Really Add Up!

Others argue that money is what makes the world go round, while others say that it is the start of greed and the root of all evil. Whatever your beliefs are on this topic, let’s have some fun with this collection of finance jokes that will make you laugh. 

Gather your friends around and try to crack one of these jokes to them. I bet that they will be laughing and giggling out loud! You can surely turn the negative atmosphere around into a fun one. So, scroll now and enjoy as you laugh about these amusing jokes. 

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Financial Jokes

Do you want some financial humor? Finance is really not always an easy topic to talk about. So you want to break the ice with this list of hilarious financial jokes that you can tell your loved ones.

Can a woman make her husband a millionaire?
Of course, if he’s a billionaire.

Can a woman make her husband a millionaire

My finances are ok right now.
0K* sorry.

An engineer major asks…
“How can we build this?”
A business major asks, “How can we finance this?”
A liberal arts major asks, “Do you want fries with that?”

I met Greece’s finance minister, who was looking for help regarding the situation there.
He asked me for my two cents.

If you wake up at midday, you save the money you would have spent on breakfast.
Just contact me if you need any more finance tips.

Someone should challenge Donald trump to finance the wall himself.
After all, a wall is really just a giant skyscraper on its side.

New research shows there are no Ginger Bankers…
Survey results suggested that although many wanted to work in finance, they wern’t able to sell their soul to Satan…

Studying finance is pretty easy…
…until you get to the class on-sell buyology.

Laugh more: Funny Motivational Quotes To Study Hard

What kind of reptile does PI work, and works in personal finance on the side?
An investigator.

Yo mama’s so intrinsic she compounds daily.
All my finance majors are out there.

Yo mama's so intrinsic she compounds daily

Police: Why didn’t you report your stolen credit card?
Man: The thief was spending less than my wife.

I took a class on Personal Finance.
I had no interest in it.

Bill Gates has often claimed how hard it is to give away 100 billion dollars.
Then he discovered divorce.

I hear it’s a good time to buy real estate in Texas!
The housing market is flooded.

Read more: Texas Jokes

I’m devastated that my son has chosen a career in finance rather than taking over the family wheat farm.
He’s going against the grain.

Finance Jokes One Liners

Tired of reading gibberish jokes? How about trying these finance jokes one-liners that will surely tickle your funny bones to the maximum level!

I used to be a butler but I found the work wasn’t really my cup of tea.

Read more: Food Jokes and Puns

I used to be a butler but I found the work wasn’t really my cup of tea.

I tried to start a hot air ballooning business but it never took off.

I used to own a donut making company, but I got fed up with the hole business.

I travel around the country giving seminars on the beneficial features of dried grapes.
I’m in the business of raisin awareness.

I used to be a doctor but then I lost patients.

College is the opposite of kidnapping.
They demand $100,000 from you or they’ll send your kid back.

I remember being in so much debt that I couldn’t afford my electricity bills, it was a dark time.

There’s nothing I’ve learned from being a parent that I couldn’t just as easily have figured out from setting all my money on fire.

I used to be a banker but I lost interest.

Living on earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the sun.

Short Finance Jokes

It is hard to talk about finances, so these short finance jokes can be helpful to lighten the mood. Have a look and make sure to pick up a thing or two. You might want to share it with friends.

Why is money called dough?
Because we all knead it.

Read more: Money Jokes

Why is money called dough

Borrow money from pessimists, they don’t expect it back.

What’s the best way to get in touch with your long-lost relatives?
Win the lottery.

I now know why I used to love Christmas as a child.
I did not have to pay for the gifts!

Is everything expensive or I’m just broke all the time?

I am currently boycotting the companies that sell items I can’t afford.

I used to be a blackjack host but I got offered a better deal.

Finance Puns

The late-night book closing sessions and countless hours spent staring at spreadsheets trying to figure out why figures don’t add up – for sure, nobody misses it! Maybe you need a couple of these hilarious finance puns to get your day going.

What would you call a vampire who is into finance?
Account Dracula.

What would you call a vampire who is into finance

I’m going to finance a theatrical production performed on a stage covered in pages from the dictionary.
It will be a play on words.

I’m devastated that my son has chosen a career in finance rather than taking over the family wheat farm.
He’s going against the grain.

Why should you never count your money while standing on an ant hill?
You might finance in your pants!

Did you hear about the man with a passion for accounting?
Finance was his principal interest.

My jam business failed.
My finances got spread too thin.

I’m so good at finance…
Even my bank says my balance is outstanding.

When I told my Dad I quit teaching to work in finance
He asked, “Will that make you a traitor or a trader?”

What did the Lawyer say after having a tough financial year?
My income is low-er and this may be my career’s financy low-year.

Corporate Finance Jokes and Financial Management Jokes

We could all use a good laugh every now and then.  Check out these jokes that can make your corporate world more exciting and full of adventures.

Read more: Funny Office Jokes

Have you heard about the crab’s financial troubles?
It was starting to feel the pinch.

Have you heard about the crab’s financial troubles

What are some ways to spot someone working in finance?
He is usually wearing a suit and walking into or near a financial institution.

What makes Pandas so good at corporate finance?
Because they are all about P and A.

Finances should never be handled by someone named “Bernie”.
The last one I knew Madoff with all my money.

I’m so good at finances…
Even my bank says my account is outstanding.

When stoners split a check, what do you call it?
High finance.

Yo mama’s so intrinsic, she compounds every day.
All my finance majors are out there.

Finances should never be handled by someone named “Bernie”.
The last one I knew Madoff with all my money.

A new gym is opening in the finance district. What do you call it?
Capital Gains.

When ants go missing, who do you call?
Department of Finance.

Auto Finance Jokes

It is crucial to take some time out of your day to laugh, as it will help you stay in the correct frame of mind to think tight on how you will finance your car. We’ve compiled a list of auto finance jokes that every auto owner can relate to. 

Read more: Car Jokes

I loaned my car to an Italian chef last week.
He returned it all denty.

Laugh more here: Humorous Italian Jokes

I loaned my car to an Italian chef last week

What’s the difference between a car loan and wanting kids?
Me wanting kids has a 0% interest rate.

What do you call an actor who finished paying-off his house and auto loan?
Mortgage Freeman.

Yo girl, are you a zero APR loan?
Because I don’t really understand your terms and you keep saying you have no interest.

What do you call a platypus wearing a tuxedo that takes out a loan to buy stock in a mortgage company?

A fight broke out between two loan officers.
They piqued my interest.

Did you hear about the cowboy who worked in a bank?
He was the loan ranger.

Did you hear about the musician who borrowed money from a loan shark?
He’s in a whole lot of treble.

Bank Accounts Jokes

Looking for hilarious jokes to share with friends? We get it! Numbers can be boring and tiring! Take a moment and laugh at some of our best jokes. 

Why did the bank owner buy cows?
To beef up security.

Read more: Cow Jokes and Puns

Why did the bank owner buy cows

What do you call a man with a head full of change?

Where do fish keep their money?
In the riverbank.

People who rob jewelry stores and banks are pretty bad.
But people who rob bakeries really take the cake.

What did the recluse say to the bank teller when he needed money?
“Leave me a loan.”

Why are Irish bankers so successful?
Because their capital’s always Dublin.

Why is a river rich?
Because it has two banks.

Give a man a gun and he will rob a bank.
Give a man a bank and he will rob everyone.

What did the football coach say when he went to the bank?
“I want my quarterback!”

Why did the teller lose his job at the bank?
An old lady asked him to check her balance so he tipped her over.

Why did the skeleton not rob the bank?
He did not have the guts.

Why did the skeleton not rob the bank

If you have no interest in banking
You are not a loan.

Why was the woodchopper arrested at the bank?
He walked into a bank, pointed a long, thin piece of wood at the ceiling, and shouted, “This is a stickup!”

If money talks, why do we need bank tellers?

When does it rain money?
When there is a “change” in the weather.

What did the comedian say when he walked into a bank?
This is a stand-up.

A naked man robbed a bank.
Nobody could remember his face.

A basketball player and a horse jockey just robbed the bank.
Police are looking high and low for the culprits.

Budget Jokes

Budgeting can be hard, especially when your budget is too tight. So, we’ve compiled these hilarious budget jokes that are very relatable to help you lighten it up a bit.

Did you hear about the constipated accountant?
He used a pencil to budget.

Did you hear about the constipated accountant

CERN’s new budget-priced particle detector can’t detect exotic particles.
It’s just the standard model.

Why couldn’t the bad financial adviser move the debt?
He couldn’t budget.

My nephew is turning three next week,
but due to budget issues, we’re not going to tell him.

Trump isn’t bad for the economy.
Because of him, Correct the Record increased it’s operational budget by 600%.

How do you host an amnesia support group on a budget?
The moment they show up, tell them the meeting went great and their speech was inspiring.

What do you call a budget that’s cut short from the middle?
A midget.

Business Major Jokes

Humor, especially business jokes that make you see the funny side of the corporate environment, is a terrific way to get through the tedious days at work. So, look at our amusing business major jokes that can make you and your business happy.

My local Indian restaurant has an interesting business model.
It’s a naan-profit.

My local Indian restaurant has an interesting business model

My friend started a business exporting artificial limbs to hospitals in foreign countries.
He’s an international arms dealer.

Who is the best at minding their own business?
An entrepreneur.

Did you guys hear the sad news about the calzone business?
It folded.

I’m thinking of getting into the photography business.
There have been a lot of new developments in that area.

What’s the best way to make a small fortune in the stock market?
Start off with a big fortune.

I just started a business where we specialize in weighing tiny objects.
It’s a small-scale operation.

What sort of money does need if you want to start your own landscaping business?
A hedge fund.

I’ve started a business making boats in my attic.
Sails are going through the roof.

I’ve started a business making boats in my attic

My friend is trying to convince me to invest in his sword-making business.
He makes some very good points.

My boss asked me to make a presentation and said I should start it with a joke.
So I put my payslip on the first slide.

I’m thinking of starting my own business as a watchmaker.
That way I can set my own hours.

If a tree falls in the forest and no-one hears it…
Then my illegal logging business is a success.

Funny Accounting Jokes

Want some jokes about accounting and jokes about accountants? Accounting is one heck of a job; we all know it! That’s why we’ve created a list of funny accounting jokes. These jokes are perfect for accountants, and you can use them to make your tax friends and family giggle.

What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don’t?

Two things in life are inevitable: death and taxes.
At least death only happens once.

What does an accountant say when boarding a train?
Mind the GAAP.

What does an accountant say when boarding a train

How do you know when an accountant is on holiday?
He doesn’t wear a tie and comes in after 8am!

What did the overworked asset say to the other asset?
I feel so under depreciated.

Some say that nobody should keep too much to themselves.
The IRS office is of the same opinion.

What do you call a financial controller who always works through lunch, takes two days holiday every two years, is in the office every weekend, and leaves every night after 10 p.m.?

What do you call an accountant without a spreadsheet?

How do you drive an accountant completely insane?
Tie them to a chair and mess up their excel formulas.

Why are accountants always so calm, composed, and methodical?
They have strong internal controls.

Why do accountants get excited at the weekends?
Because they can wear casual clothes to work.

Did you hear about the deviant Forensic Accountant?
He got his client’s charges reduced from gross indecency to net indecency.

There are 3 types of accountants.
Those who can count and those who can’t.

A fine is a tax for doing wrong.
A tax is a fine for doing well.

A fine is a tax for doing wrong

What do you call an accountant without a calculator?

How can you tell when the chief accountant is getting soft?
When he actually listens to marketing before saying no.

What would an accountant want for a superpower?
Telepathy with an excel spreadsheet.

How does Santa’s accountant value his sleigh?
Net Present Value.

Read more: Christmas Jokes

What do you call a trial balance that doesn’t balance?
A late night.

Why does Santa like visiting the UK?
He can claim Gift Relief.

America is the land of opportunity.
Everybody can become a taxpayer!

What’s the difference between death and taxes?
Congress doesn’t meet every year to make death worse.

What’s the difference between death and taxes

Ever wonder why they call it a Form 1040?
For every $50 you earn, you get $10, they get $40.

Why did the auditor cross the road?
Because he looked in the file and that’s what they did last year.

Why don’t skunks have to pay taxes?
Because they only have one scent.

How do you know when an accountant’s having a mid-life crisis?
He gets a faster calculator.

What is the definition of a good tax accountant?
Someone who has a loophole named after him.

Accounting Puns

Are you tired from work? Or are you an accountant looking for a way to take away all the stress? Well, we’ve got your back because these accounting puns can do the job to take away all that stress. Laugh it out as you read these amusing puns.

For every tax problem there is a solution that is straightforward, uncomplicated, and wrong.

For every tax problem there is a solution that is straightforward

Be audit you can be.

Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to his child, “No, son. It wouldn’t be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking.”

Where there’s a will, there’s a tax shelter.

Accountants don’t die, they get derecognized.

The best things in life are free — plus tax, of course.

Children may be tax deductible, but they’re still taxing.

Welcome to the Accounting department, where everybody counts.

Financial Advisor Jokes

Financial advisors and wealth managers work in a highly regulated field. It’s a great responsibility to be entrusted with another person’s financial future. It’s fair to assume that working in this sector isn’t particularly amusing, but do you know what’s funny? These financial advisor jokes! Gather your friends and prepare to chuckle as you read these hilarious jokes!

I was thinking about going into business and opening my own distillery,
but my financial advisor thinks that’s a whiskey investment.

My financial advisor asked me, “What is your net worth?”
I said, “I don’t own a net”

Who handles financial matters in a monastery?
That’s nun of your business.

Who handles financial matters in a monastery

Where do financial advisors tell working dogs to keep their investments?
In 401K-9’s.

Why couldn’t the advisor get people to buy bonds?
Not enough interest.

It Department Jokes

Do you want to be the funny man on the room? For all of the Techy people out there or aspiring IT students, you might want to look at our IT department Jokes, which makes technology a humorous one!

How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None, because it is a hardware problem.

What is the speed of the system running on 8 hobbits?
1 Hob-byte.

How did the SEO content writer couple react to twins?
For the first time, they were happy with duplicate content!

Read more: SEO Jokes

What is a programmer’s favorite eyewear?

What is a programmer's favorite eyewear

How many types of people are there in the world?
There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary and those who do not.

Why did the boy get fired from his keyboard factory job?
Because he was not doing enough shifts.

How do computers attack each other?
By using pop-up ads.

What did the computer have during his break time?
He had a byte!

What kind of computer sings the best?
A Dell.

What was the spider doing on the computer?
He was making a web-site!

Why did the mother put airbags on the computer?
Because the computer might crash.

What made the Java developers wear glasses?
They can’t C.

Why did the computer squeak?
Because someone stepped on its mouse.

Why did the computer squeak

Summary: Finance Jokes

There you have it! We hope you enjoyed the jokes about finance, accounting humour, and all the other jokes that we have compiled for you. You can use these jokes at work when things are getting serious. A good finance joke has a way of bringing a room to life. These jokes can totally make your day!

Want more jokes? We got so much more for you.

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I am Jimmy, clown at heart. I love silly, funny, nerdy, quirky jokes. So I thought I should start a website about jokes. Why a carrot as a logo? Why not! Here, have a carrot!