Clean Jokes That Are Actually Funny

93 Clean Jokes That Are Actually Funny

Whether you’re sharing a burst of laughter with a friend or entertaining your kids, clean jokes make every conversation better. This massive list, which includes everything from the finest clean jokes for adults to clean jokes of the day for kids, is perfect for everyone. Share these clean jokes that are actually funny and have a good time.

Funny Clean Jokes That Are Actually Funny

Looking for a hilarious joke of the day? Sometimes we just need a good and humorous joke to have some fune. Thus, we’ve compiled the funniest clean jokes ever that will make you laugh so hard! Check it out now!

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What do dentists call X-rays?
Tooth pics.

What do dentists call X-rays? Tooth pics.

Why did the A go to the bathroom and come out as an E?
Because he had a vowel movement.

Laugh more: Funny Poop Jokes

What time do you go to the dentist’s?
At tooth-hurty.

What did the left eye say to the right eye?
“Between you and me, something smells.”

If you ever get cold, stand in the corner of a room for a while.
They’re usually 90 degrees.

I couldn’t figure out why the baseball kept getting bigger.
Then it hit me.

Laugh more: Funny Baseball Jokes

Is this pool safe for diving?
It deep ends.

Laugh more here: Funny Pool Jokes

What did the nose say to the finger?
“Quit picking on me!”

Anyone know any jokes about sodium?

Anyone know any jokes about sodium? Na.

Why can you never trust an atom’s story?
Because it makes up everything.

Laugh more: Funny Chemistry Jokes

Where does bad light end up?
In prism.

How much does a neutron pay for electricity?
No charge.

Why are electrons never invited to parties?
They’re so negative.

What did one wall say to the other wall?
“I’ll meet you at the corner.”

When do jokes become dad jokes?
When the punchline is apparent.

Laugh more: Funny Dad Jokes

What did the paper say to the pencil?
“Write on!”

How did the bullet lose its job?
It got fired.

How did the bullet lose its job? It got fired.

Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward.
That’s just how I roll.

Why did the kid throw his clock out the window?
Because he wanted to see time fly.

Laugh more here: Funny Fly Jokes

What did the big flower say to the little flower?
“Hi, bud!”

Laugh more: Funny Flower Puns

How does NASA organize a party?
They planet.

What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a unicycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle?

My teachers told me I’d never amount to much because I procrastinate so much.
I told them, “Just you wait!”

Never criticize someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes.
That way, when you criticize them, you’ll be a mile away, and you’ll have their shoes.

Why did the picture go to prison?
Because it was framed!

Why did the picture go to prison? Because it was framed!

What’s the best thing about Switzerland?
I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.

Want to hear a roof joke?
The first one’s on the house.

Why is no one friends with Dracula?
Because he’s a pain in the neck.

Read more here: Happy Friendship Day Quotes

Which rock group has four guys who can’t sing or play instruments?
Mount Rushmore.

Why were they called the Dark Ages?
Because there were lots of knights.

What did one toilet say to the other?
“You look flushed.”

I couldn’t believe the highway department called my dad a thief.
But when I got home, the signs were all there.

Where do sick fish go?
To the dock.

Laugh more: Funny Fish Jokes

Where do sick fish go? To the dock.

Long Clean Jokes That Are Actually Funny

Some jokes are only for adults, but if you need a joke that is suited for all ages. Then you’re on the right page because we have a list of clean jokes that are funny! Enjoy reading.

My friend once called a few house painters to his house for some work.
He wanted them to paint his porch.
After a few hours, the house painters came back for the payment as their work was complete.
Before leaving they told my friend that they had enjoyed painting his car, but it is not really a Porsche.

I had visited a cafe one day with my friends.
The waiter recommended that we try their special coffee.
We agreed and soon the coffee arrived.
As we drink the coffee, we realized that it tastes like dirt and mud.
Disgusted by the fact, all of us complained immediately.
The alarmed waiter rushes over and says, “Well Sir, it was freshly ground coffee!”

Laugh more: Funny Coffee Jokes

There is a skeleton in our neighborhood who always knows that something bad might happen way before it actually happens.
He has actually become quite famous and when a TV crew interviewed about the reason behind this ability, the skeleton finally disclosed his secret: he could feel the bad vibes in his bones.

A family was having dinner once when the youngest boy asked his father whether worms tasted nice when we eat them.
Both the parents reprimanded the little boy and told him that these things shouldn’t be discussed over the dinner table.
When the father asked the boy after dinner why he had asked such a question, he replied, “Papa, I think worms taste okay because there was one in your noodles.”

After Sunday church, the priest would hand us each an orange and a big cookie.
A little girl once lied and took two oranges, but the priest told her she mustn’t lie because God is watching.
Then, the girl took two cookies and lied about them.
When asked why she had done that, she said because she thought that God was only watching oranges.

Laugh more here: Funny Sunday Jokes

I was in the library once when a man walked in asking for some ham and cheese.
The librarian politely told him that he was in a library.
The man first apologized and then whispered to the librarian, “Can I please have some ham and cheese?”

Hilarious Jokes For Adults

Are you tired and stressed from work? Seatback, relax and take a look at these hilarious jokes adults would love. These funniest jokes for adults can make your stress go away!

What did one ocean say to the other ocean?
Nothing, it just waved.

What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, it just waved.

Did you hear about the first restaurant to open on the moon?
It had great food, but no atmosphere.

Do you want to hear a construction joke?
Sorry, I’m still working on it.

Did you hear about the fire at the circus?
It was in tents!

Why do ducks have feathers?
To cover their butt quacks!

What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo?
One is really heavy and the other’s a little lighter.

Laugh more: Funny Animal Jokes

What does a nosey pepper do?
It gets jalapeño business.

Why should you never trust stairs?
They’re always up to something.

Why did the bullet end up losing his job?
He got fired.

Why did the bullet end up losing his job? He got fired.

What kind of shorts do clouds wear?

I entered ten puns in a contest to see which would win.
No pun in ten did.

How do you measure a snake?
In inches—they don’t have feet.

Where does a waitress with only one leg work?

What does a house wear?

Why are toilets always so good at poker?
They always get a flush.

Why is Peter Pan always flying?
Because he Neverlands.

Laugh more: Funny Disney Jokes

Have you heard the rumor going around about butter?
Never mind, I shouldn’t spread it.

Two windmills are standing on a wind farm. One asks, ‘What’s your favorite kind of music?’
The other replies, ‘I’m a big metal fan.’

The first rule of the Alzheimer’s club is…
Wait, where are we again?

Laugh more: Funny Retirement Jokes

The first rule of the Alzheimer’s club is… Wait, where are we again?

I took the shell off of my racing snail, thinking it would make him faster.
But if anything, it made him more sluggish.

What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk.

Laugh more: Funny Cow Jokes

You know, it was so cold in D.C. the other day, I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.

How many tickles does it take to get an octopus to laugh?
Ten tickles.

Why doesn’t Dracula have any friends?
Well, honestly, he’s a real pain in the neck.

Short Jokes For Adults

Being an adult means more work and more responsibility. You deserve to have fun, that’s why we’ve compiled these funny clean jokes for adults that will make you laugh out loud!

Why were they called the “dark ages?”
Because there were a lot of knights.

What gets wetter the more it dries?
A towel.

Why aren’t koalas considered bears?
They don’t have the right koala-fications.

Why aren’t koalas considered bears? They don’t have the right koala-fications.

What’s a pirate’s favorite letter?
You probably think it’s “R” but it is the “C”.

A horse walks into a bar.
The bartender says, “Why the long face?”

Laugh more: Funny Bar Jokes

How many teddy bears never want to eat anything?
Because they’re always stuffed.

Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France?
There was nothing left but de Brie.

Where should you go in the room if you’re feeling cold?
The corner—they’re usually 90 degrees.

What did the Buddhist ask the hot dog vendor?
“Make me one with everything.”

Laugh more here: Funny Knock Knock Dog Jokes

Do you know why you never see elephants hiding up in trees?
Because they’re really good at it.

How did the hipster burn his mouth?
He ate his pizza before it was cool.

Laugh more: Funny Pizza Jokes

How did the hipster burn his mouth? He ate his pizza before it was cool.

Why don’t blind people skydive?
Because it scares their dogs.

Why did the cowboy get a wiener dog?
He wanted to get along little doggie.

Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?
Of course! The Empire State Building can’t jump.

What did the duck say when it bought some lipstick?
“Put it on my bill.”

I tried to win a suntanning competition.
But all I got was bronze.

How much space will be freed in the EU after Brexit?
Approximately 1 GB.

Why don’t seagulls fly over the bay?
Because then they’d be bagels.

Laugh more: Funny Bagel Puns

What do you call malware on a Kindle?
A bookworm.

What do you call malware on a Kindle? A bookworm.

Why are crabs so bad at sharing?
Because they’re all shellfish.

What did the tie say to the hat?
You go on ahead. I’ll hang around.

How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a little boogie in it.

What do you call a cow with a twitch?
Beef jerky.

I started a new job as a tailor last week.
It’s been sew-sew.

What concert only costs 45 cents?
50 Cent featuring Nickleback.

What kind of shoes does a spy wear?

What kind of shoes does a spy wear? Sneakers.

Edgy Clean Jokes

If you’re looking for some fun, then you might want to check out our list of edgy clean jokes that will make your day more enjoyable!

How do you determine the sex of a chromosome?
Pull down its genes.

Kid 1: “Hey, I bet you’re still a virgin.”
Kid 2: “Yeah, I was a virgin until last night .”
Kid 1: “As if.”
Kid 2: “Yeah, just ask your sister.”
Kid 1: “I don’t have a sister.”
Kid 2: “You will in about nine months.”


There you have it, the funniest clean jokes. Clean jokes make everything better. It makes a good conversation starter, and it is an easy banter amongst friends and families. Crack these jokes and have a lot of fun!

We hope you’ve enjoyed and laughed along with us! Here are more jokes to give you more giggles and laughter:

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I am Jimmy, clown at heart. I love silly, funny, nerdy, quirky jokes. So I thought I should start a website about jokes. Why a carrot as a logo? Why not! Here, have a carrot!