Butts are viewed differently. Some see it sexy, some see it nasty, and we see the potential of it being funny so we listed and compiled the best butt jokes out there. These jokes about bottoms isn’t on the top or our priority list but its time to crack open these butt jokes for everyone.
If you’re looking for funny ass jokes, bum jokes one liners or jokes about butt cracks, then look no further. Regardless of what your opinions about butts, we definitely know you’ll enjoy these. Bring out your toilet papers and check out the lists.
Funny Butt Jokes
Tired of being the butt of the joke every time? It can be both funny and annoying sometimes when your friends tease you. How about you divert the attention by cracking up good butt crack jokes?
What did one butt check say to the other?
Between you and me it stinks in here.
Why do ducks have feathers?
To cover their butt-quack.
Read more: Funny jokes about animals
Someone butt dialed me again yesterday.
It seems that only assholes want to speak to me.
What does the cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend?
He wipes his butt.
What time do butts get up?
At the crack of dawn!!!
If you are American in the living room, what are you in the bathroom?
What did the dentist say to the butt?
That’s the largest cavity I’ve ever seen!
What is the butt’s favorite computer?
What did the butt say to the face?
What has two butts and kills people?
I was caught staring at a cute girl’s butt.
Harassment is a lot to me.
Do you know what’s a REAL pain in the butt?
An uncomfortable chair.
What would be the world without women?
Just pain in the butt.
Well, your ass may be grass…
Butt hay, what can you do?
What do you call a baguette up your butt?
A pain in the ass.
What do you use if you want a thick and muscular butt in space?
Why was Uranus always mad?
Because it was the butt of everyone’s jokes
Bum Jokes and Bum Cheek Puns
Butts can be fun as it is sexy. Who would have thought that these two large muscle masses can be appealing? If you’re trying to throw some shade on your ass kisser colleague with good jokes about butts or you just want to spread out the good vibes, may this list help you out?
Is buttcheeks one word?
Or should I spread em?
What did one buttcheek say to the other buttcheek?
Together we can stop this shit.
Read more: Funny Poop Jokes That Will Make Kids Laugh Out Loud!
Why do we have 2 butt cheeks?
Because they make a great asset.
When you swim in the creek, an eel bites your cheek.
That’s a moray.
If you cut your right butt cheek…
Are you left behind?
My boyfriend gave me a butt massage today but only focused on one cheek...
It was very half-assed.
What is it called when one butt cheek is bigger than the other?
What did one but cheek say to the other?
What do you call a mosquito sitting on your spouse’s cheek?
A golden opportunity.
What did one butt cheek say to the other butt cheek?
Between you and me, something stinks!
What did one butt cheek say to the other?
Together we can stop this shit.
Bum Jokes Quotes by Celebrities
Our favorite celebrities have something to say about butts. Some of it is actually inspiring, surprisingly. If you are looking for the quote of the day related to butts then this list may help you out.
Baby booty, juicy fruity, truck stop cutie, roadside beauty, I’m in love with you.
If the guy’s a cutie, you’ve gotta tap that booty.
We can make the world a better place, one butt at a time.
Booty is just a ghetto expression, and I’m just a booty star.
Nothing retains less of desire in art, in science than this will to industry, booty, possession.
Laugh more: Funny Science Jokes
I don’t kiss anybody’s butt.
I shake my booty all the time! It’s the best workout!
She had a big ole booty, I was doing my duty.
LL Cool J
I’m going to be shaking my booty when I’m 55.
It is when Pirates count their booty that they become mere thieves.
Like your booty doesn’t stink.
LL Cool J
I’m Cuban, so I like a bit of curve. I just want my booty to have a little lift!
I learned the hula, so now I know how to shake my booty Hawaiian style.
Butt Cheek Jokes
There is a difference between joking about ass and being an asshole. Sure, booty jokes are funny but it should be said in the right circumstances. So before you crack these jokes and get slapped on your cheeks, make sure to ANAL-yze the situation.
Why was the kid not allowed to see the new pirate movie?
It shows a lot of booty.
I gave my number to a pirate once.
I’m getting sick of all the booty calls.
A pirate keeps his treasure in his pants.
That’s what holds his booty.
The girl with the big bum and a lisp wasn’t at work today.
She must have called in thick.
Why did the pirate wear camouflage underwear?
To hide his booty.
What is a pirate’s favourite letter?
It is clearly double D as they are mostly males who can’t stand a sunken chest and no booty.
What do you call making your booty clap for likes and upvotes?
Booty pics and golf are surprisingly similar, in that…
A hole in one is both rare and satisfying.
Why are charming pirates always the richest?
Because they get all the booty.
What did the proctologist say to the pirate?
Show me your booty.
The girl asked me to Netflix and chill, but I download all my movies illegally.
So I was like na, more like pirate and booty.
What’s a pirate’s worst nightmare?
A sunken chest with no booty.
I accidentally butt-dialed my ex last night.
I swear it’s the only booty call I’ve ever made.
Why do pirate ships go so fast?
Because they’re hauling booty.
How can you tell if a booty is operational?
What does a pirate always chase, yet it’s always behind him?
Big Butt Jokes
We say no to Flat butt jokes, the punchline doesn’t have any density in it. People love big butts and they cannot lie that these jokes are hilarious. Jokes about big butts can be the goofiest jokes ever. This list is a combination of both sexy and funny big booty jokes. Choose your favorites and share it with your friends.
Why do pirates like booty?
Because they like ’em thiccccccc with 7 Cs.
My honey farmer friend is a big fan of Kim Kardashian.
I guess booty is in the eye of the bee holder.
I only trust people who like big butts…
They cannot lie.
Gluteus Maximus Jokes
Butts can be nasty and sexy depending on how you dress them. On lingerie or a bikini it is irresistible but seeing a crack in the cargo pants of a middle-aged man is disgusting for some. I don’t know, maybe it’s fascinating for others. In the context of having butts in different forms, we listed these funny booty jokes that cater to every butt in all shapes and form.
What muscle is most responsible for lateral rotation of the neck?
The gluteus maximus.
Money Penny: What’s that jabbing me in the gluteus maximus?
Bond: My PPK?
Money Penny: ‘K
Why did the Gluteus Maximus feel bullied?
He was the butt of many jokes.
I have these weird muscle spasms in my gluteus maximus,
I figured out from my doctor that everything was alright:
They said “Weird flex, butt okay.”
The Gluteus Maximus is the largest muscle of the body.
It’s a huge ass muscle.
Butt Puns and Pick-up Lines
Wanna throw some pick-up lines to your wife? We have some interesting rear-end puns and big bum jokes that you might want to share with your woman for some giggles.
I am amazed how the booty of the tiny fireflies shines along with your sweet gorgeous smiles.
I think we might watch another cute animated movie for tonight, like the booty and beast?
Your beautiful butt is like golden orbs of sunshine that ever existed in this melancholic world.
We should go and built our own paradise where we can shake our booty all through the night.
Laugh more: Best Jokes Ever Told
Let me call the stars beneath the butt of moonlight so they can tell you how much I liked you.
All of these mad sounds, I just see your wonderful booty moving to the beat of the disc jockey.
I felt I am already in love with you because I know I am blushing with my striking butt cheeks.
Let’s go through the night while we watch the stars dance along with their cool booty songs.
I imagined that the way you shake your head is similar to how you move your booty tonight.
In the other dimension, we can shake our booty just like how we want to dismiss our troubles.
I want to dance with you underneath the midnight sky where the moon shines its own booty.
We can go into paradise where the sunshine strikes our virtuous smiles and shiny buttocks.
If we can get along right now, I imagined ourselves as a striking couple of grandiose buttocks.
Soon you can find a lover who will be yours and will stick with you forever like a pair of the butt.
Can you feel the blaring music calling your body and your grandiose booty to dance tonight?
I hope I could resist but my buttocks urge me to man out and to take you to the dance floor.
I can take you to a nice place that can make you show your booty-full elegant smile tonight.
If we will be the king and queen, the army will fight the intruders with their courageous butts.
The sun will shine here, and true happiness can finally be achieved down to our own buttocks.
We can fight in our own butt-les while we finally achieved the victory with all our might.
You are the most booty-ful and the grandiose lady that ever walked here in this gloomy world.
I want to serenade for this charming lady with the most beautiful smile and a pair of buttocks.
I love how your pretty dress complements your gorgeous smile and the outline of your back.
Can I take the hand and dance with this booty-ful lady with the astonishing smile for tonight?
We can hope for other chances to show our wonderful and crazy booty dance at a cool party.
I want to become a majestic dancer who will make you and your booty to be crazier than ever.
Summary: BEST Butt Jokes
Looking for more funny jokes? We have more jokes that we have compiled for you. Share it with your friends and have a good laugh with them.
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