103 Hilarious Bagel Puns That Are Perfect With Coffee!

103 Hilarious Bagel Puns That Are Perfect With Coffee!

Breakfast with family is a dream of everyone. We know that it sounds so simple, but life makes us so busy that sometimes we can’t do this kind of thing. Well, if you still have a chance to have breakfast with your family, fresh, hot bagels are the best breakfast! We have compiled a list of bagel puns that you can share with families. These bagel puns will make your mouth water for more!

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Hilarous Bagel Puns

Many people have a love and hate relationship with bagels because let’s face it, it is not always perfect. Bagels have the tendency to get flavorless and hard to eat. Good thing we have compiled the best puns. Laugh about it with our bagel puns!


Every religious person should have at least a bagel in their breakfast every day because bagels are a holy food!

Every religious person should have at least a bagel in their breakfast every day because bagels are a holy food!


I left my bag of flour and pet fish in my apartment when there was a fire,
I went back in to find a smoked salmon bagel.

Laugh more: Funny Fish Jokes


My bagel friend was really sad after his breakup,
he kept saying he felt like he had a hole in his heart.


I visited the zoo after a long time and to my utter surprise,
I saw a bagel in a cage. I think it was bread in captivity!


The one thing that a greedy person has in common with a bagel is that they both want everything.


Bagels love costume parties and dressing up on their favorite holiday as they have Halloween in the middle!


My wife and I had a strange conversation yesterday. She asked if I wanted some raisin bagels,
but I was bewildered as I didn’t know it was possible to raise bagels!


The croissants decided to visit the zoo with bagels and donuts.
They were of the opinion that it would be a lovely experience for the hole family!

Laugh more: Funny Animal Jokes


No one likes visiting a bagel shop.
It is a very crumby place to work there!


An astrophysicist found a wormhole in his bagel.
He thought and laughed on his own that he would usually find an Einstein-Rosen bagel rather than a Cinnamon-Rosen bagel!


I once saw a French tourist who wore a scarf in the form of a bagel.
He complained that it was plain in the neck!

I once saw a French tourist who wore a scarf in the form of a bagel. He complained that it was plain in the neck!


It’s best to keep all things safe.
So the best way to protect all your bagels is to put them in a confectionery box and put lox on it.


I visited the doctor, and he prescribed me a new diet plan, so I have decided to eat only bagels and donuts from today.
My doctor has asked me to eat only hole foods!


Spirits have a strange craving for confectionaries and desserts.
The favorite dressing on a bagel for all ghosts is scream cheese!


There was a huge conflict between bagels and donuts.
Donuts claimed that their jobs were stolen by bagels.
However, bagels contended that they needed something to earn their bread and butter!


The bagel and a pastor were having a big quarrel about purity and holiness.
The bagel angrily replied, “I am holier than thou”.


The bagel took part in an election, but he lost it.
He was, unfortunately, a part of the schmear campaign!


Bagel Sandwich Puns

Want more bagel humor? We got you! Check out our compilation of bagel puns that will blow your mind. Bagels are perfect with coffee so don’t forget to get one while sharing these with friends. 


The camper ate what kind of bagel?
A winnebago.

The camper ate what kind of bagel? A winnebago.


The toaster oven has two bagels in it and one says “Wow, it’s hot in here.”
And the other says “Oh my gosh, a talking bagel!”


Recently, I came across a Frenchman wearing a bagel as a scarf.
It was a real pain in the neck, he said.


It’s hard to trust bagels, and you shouldn’t either.
They seem seedy at times!


Essentially, bagels are just acoustic donuts.


Just crust me.


Prisoners are served only plain bagels as the authorities are concerned they may pick up the lox!


Man A: I found a bandaid in my breakfast!
Man B: You ordered everything bagel, right?


Ever since I became a pilot, I can eat only one type of bagel.
Plain.


My friends in Germany complained that they couldn’t find a good bagel anywhere;
well, who’s to blame?


What kind of bagel can fly?
A plane bagel!


What is the name of a store that sells only bagels and donuts?
Hole Foods.

What is the name of a store that sells only bagels and donuts? Hole Foods.


I got fired today because a customer wanted to buy a bagel with cream cheese,
I told them we only accept cash.

Laugh more: Funny Cheese Puns


In this world, there are two kinds of people:
those who love bagels and those who lie.


A store that sells only bagels and donuts is known as a hole foods store.


Whenever bagels celebrate,
they propose a toast.


The bagel is holey, so it will go to heaven.


As a religious person, you should have a bagel at least once a day for breakfast,
since bagels are a holy food!


To screw in a lightbulb, how many bagels do you need?
Toaster ovens don’t have light bulbs.


How do you describe someone who stands on one foot, eats a bagel and a banana?
A balanced breakfast.

Laugh more: Funny Banana Jokes


When his friend was hit by a bus as he crossed the street, what did the bagel say?
Oh, Crumbs!


The two of us are total baegoals!


You’re the best, my one and only bae-gel!


Bagel Pick Up Lines

Be the sweetest and pick up some bagels for breakfast for your bae! These bagel love puns are perfect pick-up lines to use as notes. They’ll love it! 


Are you a plane bagel?
Because I like you with nothing on.

Are you a plane bagel? Because I like you with nothing on.


If you can be smoother than the cream cheese on my bagel, then give it a shot!


What do you call a bagel that can fly?
A plain bagel.


What do ghosts put on bagels?
Scream cheese.

Laugh more: Funny Cheese Jokes


Why did the bagel lose the election?
Because she was the victim of a schmear campaign.


Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels.


What did the husband bagel tell his wife on their honeymoon?
We are bae-goals!


What food did the husband seagull lovingly gift his wife?
Bae-gel.


What do you call a Jamaican bagel?
Cinnamon.


Do you Like Bagels?
Because You’re Bae-goals.

Laugh more: Cheesy Pickup Lines


Funny Bagel Jokes

We have a lot of bagel jokes including the classic pumpernickel bread joke. Take a look and have some fun with it!


Why was the bagel called lazy?
He was slow to rise.

Why was the bagel called lazy? He was slow to rise.


What did the bagel dough say to the lonely baker?
It’s nice to be kneaded.


What do you call a seagull which loves baked goods and only flies over a bay?
Baygull!


What ingredient is essential when baking a Star Wars cake?
Bicarbonate of Yoda.

Laugh more: Funny Star Wars Jokes


I recently read an interesting bagel trivia.
One kind of bagel was first sold in a petrol pump and could be got in exchange for a specific coin.
Guess that is why they are called pumpernickel bagels.


If a man goes camping, he generally eats what kind of a bagel?
A Winnebago-l.

Laugh more here: Funny Camping Jokes


Why did the court not register the case against the bagels?
Because there was a hole in the argument against them!


What kind of a bagel did the smart man eat?
He ate an everything special bagel!


What is a bagel that hails from Jamaica is called?
Cinna-mon Bagel!


What kind of cheese does Tom Hanks put in his bagel?
Philadelphia cheese!

What kind of cheese does Tom Hanks put in his bagel? Philadelphia cheese!


What did the bagel say when his friend was hit by a bus while crossing the road?
Oh, Crumbs!


What kind of cheese does Bruce Lee put in his bagel?
Cream Chi.


What kind of pain is worse than donut stings?
When a Bagel bites.


What is the favorite type of bagel for a mathematician?
A three-dimensional plain bagel!

Laugh more: Funny Math Jokes


What does one have when he’s eating fruits and bagels while standing on just one leg?
A balanced breakfast!


What kind of bagel did shamanist Carlos Castaneda prefer to eat?
He liked the Astral plain ones!


Which author did the bagels have to read if they took philosophy in college?
Georg Wilhelm Friedrich Bagel.

Laugh more: Funny College Jokes


What is a bagel called if it isn’t free and will have to be bought with money?
It is a pay-gel!


Where does a bagel go to get tanned and hot?
To a toaster.


What is a dad’s favorite flavor of bagel?
Pop-i seeds.


Bagel One Liners

We have compiled the best bagel one-liners you can find. Take a look at the funniest bagel one liners that will make you laugh out loud!


If Superman came from the planet of bagels,
his original name would have been Bag-El.

If Superman came from the planet of bagels, his original name would have been Bag-El.


The common thing about bagels and holidays is that they are both toasted!


The most common bagel which is loved by pilots and aerospace engineers is the plane bagel.


A blonde walks into a library,
goes up to the librarian’s desk, and says loudly, “I’ll have a coffee and a bagel”.


Everyone frowns along with the librarian and the librarian quietly replies,
This is a library!


The blonde replies with a whisper,
I would like a coffee and a bagel!


How do you hold a bagel back?
You put lox on it.


What does a bagel do when it is locked out of its house?
Call a loxsmith.


What do ghosts put on their bagels?
Scream Cheese.


It’s fri-nally bagel Friday.
I don’t work on Friday, I make appearances just for the bagels.


What does a bagel call its grandfather?
Poppy!

Laugh more: Funny Retirement Jokes

What does a bagel call its grandfather? Poppy!


Bagel Captions For Instagram

Looking for Instagram captions to your beautiful photos? Feel free to use these bagel captions for your Instagram post.


Going into the weekend as smooth as the cream cheese on my bagel.


I don’t need an inspirational quote. I need a bagel.


You’re my first, my last, and my everything bagel.


Too many people look at the holes in their lives and miss the glorious bagel right in front of them.


Happiness is fresh bagels and cream cheese.


The only circle of trust I have is my bagel.


I’m only here because I was told there would be bagels.


You are my everything bagel.


If there aren’t bagels, did Friday even happen?


Life without you is like a bagel without cream cheese.


I haven’t been this excited about bagel Friday since last bagel Friday.

Laugh more: Funny Weekend Jokes

I haven't been this excited about bagel Friday since last bagel Friday.


In a world full of plain bagels, be everything.


Walking into the weekend with a bagel in my hand.


You bread-a believe it!


I loaf you so much, bagel Fridays.


Nothing spreads more joy than a bagel on Friday.


A bagel on Friday keeps the grumpy away.


You are the cream cheese to my bagel.


My bagel may be plain, but my personality isn’t.


Oh bagel, you truly do have everything I need.


You know what they say: The early bird gets the first pick of bagel on bagel Friday or something like that.

You know what they say: The early bird gets the first pick of bagel on bagel Friday or something like that.


EXTRA: Bagel Shop Names

  • Bagel Bake
  • Bagelture
  • Lox Delicious
  • Bagelpost
  • The Bagel Top
  • Bagelview
  • True Toast
  • Bagel Now
  • York Bagel
  • Top Bagel

Summary

Bagels are best shared with friends and families same as these jokes. You will have a great time with this. 

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Jimmy
I am Jimmy, clown at heart. I love silly, funny, nerdy, quirky jokes. So I thought I should start a website about jokes. Why a carrot as a logo? Why not! Here, have a carrot!