Looking for blonde jokes? Then you are lucky, cause one of my best friends is blond and I asked her to help me collect the jokes. I must say, one or two jokes are real life facts! Just kidding… Blondes are know to be dumb, but it is just a myth.
Sharon Stone, Madonna, Jodie foster… are all blond intelligent women. But let’s go to the funny part and pretend that blondes are stupid so we can laugh a bit.
Let’s start with some funny blonde jokes.
Two blondes fell down a hole.
One said, “It’s dark in here isn’t it?”
The other replied, “I don’t know; I can’t see.”
A blonde’s house caught on fire, so she calls the fire department.
The fireman on the phone asked: Can you please tell us how to get there?
The blond replies: Duh! Big red truck!
A blonde girl is texting with a guy on Tinder to meet up:
How would I recognize you? She asks.
I will bring a pink rose.
The blonde answers: In which hand will you have it?
Blonde: “What does IDK stand for?”
Brunette: “I don’t know.”
Blonde: “OMG, nobody does!”
Find more brunette jokes here.
Why did the blond student eat their homework?
Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
Read: student jokes.
I was at the post office, when I see a blonde woman shouting into an envelope.
I asked: What are you doing?
The blonde replied: Sending a voice mail.
Why did the blonde put her iPad in the blender?
She was trying to make apple juice.
A conversation between a man and a blonde woman:
Man: Do you speak Italian?
Blonde: Yes, I do.
Man: Say something.
Why did the blonde get so excited about finishing a jigsaw puzzle in seven months?
Because the box said it was for “2 to 4 years.”
Why did the blonde put water on her computer?
To clean the Windows.
A brunette and a blonde in a coffee house:
Brunette: My boyfriend is a jerk.
Blonde: You’re so lucky! Nowadays is so hard to find your soulmate…
I went to a cinema to watch a horror movie and there was a blond girl there screaming the entire duration of the movie.
I asked her why did she did that.
The blondine answered: So I’m not caught off guard.
Why can’t a blonde dial 911?
She can’t find the eleven.
How do you confuse a blonde?
You don’t. They’re born that way
What is the difference between a smart blonde and bigfoot?
Bigfoot has been sighted.
What do you call a fly buzzing inside a Blonde’s head?
A Space Invader.
How do you keep a blonde busy for 2 days?
Give her a piece of paper that has “Please turn over” written on both sides.
How do you keep a blonde in the shower all day?
You give them a shampoo that says “rinse, wash, and repeat.”
Why did the Blonde tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
So she wouldn’t wake up the sleeping pills.
Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?
She kept throwing out all the ‘W’s.
What do you do when a blonde throws a hand grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.
What do you call a blonde that dyes her hair red?
One day, a blonde went to the doctor with both sides of her face burned.
Doctor: What happened?
Blonde: Well, I was ironing my husband’s shirt until the phone rang. I picked it up and half my face was burnt!
Doctor: What about the other half?
Blonde: They called back.
Two blondes were driving to Disneyland. The sign said, “Disneyland Left.”
So they started crying and went home.
Why did the blonde stare at the orange juice bottle for 2 hours?
Because it said ‘concentrate’.
Why do blondes wear so much hair spray?
So they can catch all the things that go over their head.
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals.
Blonde: Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them.
Friend: OK, what’s the capital of Wisconsin?
Blonde: Oh, that’s easy: W.
How do you make a blonde’s eyes light up?
Shine a flashlight in her ears.
I knew a blonde that was so stupid, she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
Did you hear about the blonde who bought an AM radio?
It took her months to figure out she could use it at night.
How do you know if a blonde’s been using your computer?
You’ll find Wite Out all over the screen.
How does a blonde brain cell die?
Why do blondes like lightning?
They think someone is taking their picture.
How do you keep at blonde at home?
You build a circular driveway.
What’s every blonde’s dream in life?
To be like Vanna White and actually learn the alphabet.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
I wonder if it’s mine.
A blonde walks into a hospital and claims that everywhere she touches hurts.
The doctor says, “Madam, you have a broken finger.”
Three blondes walk into a building…
You’d think at least one of them would’ve seen it, right?
How did the Blonde die drinking milk?
The cow fell on her.
Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at the drive-in movie theater?
They apparently went to see “Closed For The Winter”.
How do you get a one handed blonde down from a tree?
Wave at her.
What is the best blonde secretary?
One that never misses a period.
How can you make a blonde go to the roof?
Tell her that drinks are on the house.
Why couldn’t the blonde write the number 11?
She couldn’t figure out which number came first.
A blonde was driving along the highway and approached a service station with a sign that read, “Clean Restrooms.”
So she did.
A blonde calls an airline and asks: “How long are your flights from America to the U.K.?”
The woman on the other end of the phone says: “Just a minute…”
The blonde says, “Thanks!” and hangs up the phone.
Why are blonde jokes so short?
So they can remember them.
A blonde orders a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it into six, eight or twelve pieces.
The blonde replies “Six please. I could never eat twelve”.
What do blondes do when their laptop freezes?
Did you hear about the near‑tragedy at the mall?
There was a power outage and eight blondes were stuck on the escalators for more than four hours.
Why did the blonde climb the glass wall?
To see what was on the other side.
How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
You tell her a joke on Wednesday.
Brunette: Have you met my identical twin sister yet?
Blonde: No, what does she look like?
Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman?
You have to hollow out the head.
Why do blondes don’t drive BMW’s?
Because they cann’t spell it.
Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband’s car?
He burnt her lips on the exhaust pipe.
What did the blonde say when she saw a box of Cheerios?
Wow! Doughnut seeds!
Why couldn’t the blonde add 10 and seven on a calculator?
She couldn’t find the 10 button.
What do you give a blonde who has everything?
Two blondes were driving and one thought her blinker might be broken, so she asked her friend to check.
The friend stuck her head out and said, “Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes…”
The blonde’s computer password had to be five characters long and include at least one capital
So she made it “MickeyMinniePlutoDonaldGoofyAlbany.”
Why do blonds keep empty beer bottles in the refrigerator?
For their friends who don’t drink.
How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves?
She fell out of the tree.
A blonde crashed a helicopter…
When the police officer asked why, she said, “It got chilly in here, so I turned off the fan.”
A Blonde, a redhead, and a brunette jokes
Never hear about a blond, a redhead, and a brunette jokes? They are hilarious! My favorite are the blonde brunette and redhead bar jokes, but I could not collect so many here. If you are in a party with many women you can explain them to see who laughs the loudest.
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert.
They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish.
The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home.
The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family.
The blonde said, “Awwww, I wish my friends were here.”
There was a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette.
They were all trapped on an island and the nearest shore was 50 miles away.
The redhead swam trying to make it to the other shore she swam 15 miles, drowned, and died.
The brunette swam 24 miles, drowned, and died.
The blonde swam 25 miles, got tired, and swam back.
A blonde, brunette, and redhead are all on a building about to jump off.
They all jump at the same time. Which one landed last?
The blonde because she asked for directions.
Blonde jokes about money
Money and blond women are always connected, at least in the movies! So, I had to connect them also somehow in the jokes… The best jokes about money and blondes that can apply to many other people if you just change the subject.
What do you call a Blonde that just won the lottery?
How can you tell if a Blonde writes mysteries?
She has a checkbook.
Why do blondes make awful bank robbers?
Because they tie up the safe and blow the guards.
What’s the difference between a Blonde and a telephone?
It costs 30 cents to use a telephone.
Funny blonde quotes
Are you blonde and looking for the perfect answer to these jokes, or just trying to find some funny replies to get back to them?
Here you got some funny quotes.
- Blonde to the bone!
- Having long blond hair is the most annoying and wonderful thing ever, all at the same time.
- I may be a dumb blonde, but I am not that blonde.
- Keep calm and go blonde.
- Too glam to give a damn.
- Let your hair do the talking.
- Gentlemen prefers ginger heads, but gentlemen marry blondes.
- I am having a blonde moment again.
- Girls with natural blonde hair smell like tropical paradises, coconut, and fruit salad
- Blonde hair, don’t care.
- Being blonde is such a commitment. I am practically married to my toner.
- Hair doesn’t make the woman, but good hair definitely helps.
- Live is short. Go blonde.
- Yes, I am blonde. No, I do not need your blonde jokes.
Blonde Dirty jokes
This part is only for adults, so if you are not +18, skip these jokes!
What do you call a blonde who never showers?
A dirty blonde
What’s six inches long, has a bald head, and drives Blondes crazy?
A hundred dollar bill.
A man is so happy he will be sleeping with a blonde girl.
He asks the blonde girl: How can I make you happy?
The blonde girl answers: Don’t disturb me.
What’s the difference between a pregnant blonde and a light bulb?
You can unscrew a light bulb.
To a blonde, what is long and hard?
Why don’t blondes talk during sex?
Their moms taught them never to speak to strangers.
What do the Bermuda Triangle and a blonde have in common?
They both swallow a lot of seamen.
Why do blondes love boob jobs?
It’s really the only job they’re qualified for.
What is the difference between a male blonde and a female blonde?
The female blondes sperm count is higher.
Why was the blonde’s belly button sore?
Her boyfriend was blonde too.
What do screen doors and blondes have in common?
The more you bang them, the looser they get.
How to you get a blonde to run laps?
Put her in a large round room and tell her to stand in the corner.
How do you get a Blonde to be quiet?
Just say to her “A penny for your thoughts.”
What do you call a blonde with 1 brain cell?
What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
What do blonde’s and dog poo have in common?
The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.
What did the Blondes left leg say to the Blondes right leg?
We could make a lot of money between us.
There are more jokes about blond hair that you can tell your friends.
What do you call an intelligent blonde?
A golden retriever!
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench…
One blonde says to the other, “Which do you think is farther away, Florida or the moon?”
The other blonde says, “Well, you can’t see Florida…”
A blonde girl wants to know what life is like as a brunette girl, so she goes to the hairdresser and has her hair died brown.
Eager to show the world her newly acquired intelligence, she goes on a walk and meets a shepherd..
She walks towards him and says: ‟If i can guess how many sheep you’ve in your pack, can I have one?”
The shepherd says: ‟Fair deal”
The blonde guesses and said : ‟457”.
The shepherd, really surprised about the ability of the girl, says ‟a deal is a deal, you guessed the right number, pick a sheep and you can keep it”.
After the girl has picked her favorite of the pack,
The shepherd says: ‟If i can guess, which colour your hair had before you dyed it brown, can I get my dog back?”
Blonde jokes bar
Bar jokes are hilarious, and if you mix them with blonde women jokes then you can’t stop laughing. Well, maybe if you are blond you won’t laugh so hard.
A blind man walks into a bar. He sits down and says, “Who wants to hear some blonde jokes?”
The waitress says “I’m blonde! And my coworker is blonde, too.
Also, the lady sitting next to you is blonde as well.
Are you sure you want to tell them?”
The blind guy says “No, I guess not. I don’t want to have to explain it three times.”
The blind guy says “No, I guess not. I don’t want to have to explain it three times.”Why should you never give a blonde a coffee break?
A: It takes far too long to retrain her.
Laugh more: funny knock knock jokes for you to share!
Why didn’t 19 blondes go into a bar?
The sign said 21+.
A man approaches a blondine girl in a bar.
Your eyes look amazing, did you make them up?
No, I had them already.
An old man approaches a blond girl in a Bar.
Would you like a Sugar Daddy?
The blonde answers: No thanks, I have diabetes.
After a blind date, the guy tells to the blonde girl.
I must say, I a crazy about you.
The blonde replies: Who is you?
So here you have all the blonde jokes I got to remember that people were telling my best friend. Some of them are hilarious, some of them are just offensive jokes… so be careful who you do explain them.
Wanna share jokes with us? Just write yours in the comments, giggles are always welcome.
For even more also check out: