witty and hilarious usa jokes

68 Extremely Witty and Hilarious USA Jokes

Clever, short, witty, and hardest to find jokes ever is nowhere for you! Made fresher than ever! For sure this will make you love the USA even more aside from its beautiful country spots to its craziest and wittiest jokes ever!

Enjoy and never deprive yourself of laughing out loud while reading all these! 

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Here you find more USA-Related jokes and songs:

One-Liner USA Jokes

Aside from knock-knock jokes, what can make you laugh more is that those that are short, sweet, and witty jokes!

Take a look more here: funny one-liner jokes


I was addicted to the hokey pokey, but then I turned myself around.


Most people are shocked when they find out how bad I am as an electrician.


The man who survived both mustard gas and pepper spray is a seasoned veteran now.

The man who survived both mustard gas and pepper spray is a seasoned veteran now.


Have you heard about the new restaurant called ‘Karma?’

There’s no menu—you get what you deserve.


I saw a sign the other day that said, ‘Watch for children,’ and I thought, ‘That sounds like a fair trade.’


If attacked by a mob of clowns, go for the juggler.


I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high.

She seemed surprised.

Laugh more: the world’s best Dad Jokes of all time

I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.


I just got kicked out of a secret cooking society.

I spilled the beans.


The future, the present, and the past walk into a bar.

Things got a little tense.


Russian dolls are so full of themselves.


When the cannibal showed up late to the buffet, they gave him the cold shoulder.


It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.


What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?

Sofishticated.

What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie Sofishticated.


When life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.


I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory.

All I did was take a day off.


I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.


I failed math so many times at school, I can’t even count.

I failed math so many times at school, I can’t even count.


What does a sprinter eat before a race?

Nothing, they fast!


Where did the vampire get school supplies for his son?

Pennsylvania.


How was the airport security in Los Angeles?

Quite LAX.


Where did the angels go to get god’s approval?

Los Angeles.


USA Funny Jokes

Sharing specific humor is so much fun and extremely stress-free, especially when it is a USA joke!

Laugh even more here at our best funny jokes


I heard there were a bunch of break-ins over at the car park.

That is wrong on so many levels.


A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of three. He says, ‘Uno, dos…” and poof! He disappeared without a tres.


The world champion tongue twister got arrested. I hear they’re going to give him a tough sentence.


Always borrow money from a pessimist.

They’ll never expect it back.

Always borrow money from a pessimist They’ll never expect it back.


My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo.

I had to put my foot down. 


Are people born with photographic memories, or does it take time to develop?


Refusing to go to the gym is a form of resistance training.


Just burned 2,000 calories.

That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.


My wife just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline.

She hit the ceiling!


One of the cows didn’t produce milk today.

It was an udder failure.

One of the cows didn’t produce milk today It was an udder failure.


Four fonts walk into a bar. The bartender says, ‘Hey! We don’t want your type in here!’


Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation toward the local swimming pool.

I gave him a glass of water.


I got a new pair of gloves today, but they’re both ‘lefts,’ which on the one hand is great, but on the other, it’s just not right.


Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.

Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself It was two tired.


Best USA Jokes

Best jokes will ever be found everywhere, but you can be confident that you can also find USA Jokes more fun than ever!

More fun here at funniest usa jokes that can make you LOL


How do you make holy water?

You boil the hell out of it.


People who take care of chickens are literally chicken tenders.


It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.

It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.


A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.


Two fish are in a tank. One says, ‘How do you drive this thing?’


‘Doctor, there’s a patient on line one that says he’s invisible.’

‘Well, tell him I can’t see him right now.’


My friend was explaining electricity to me, but I was like, ‘Watt?’

My friend was explaining electricity to me, but I was like, Watt


I went to a seafood disco last week, but ended up pulling a mussel.


Just got fired from my job as a set designer.

I left without making a scene.


I buy all my guns from a guy called T-Rex.

He’s a small arms dealer.


I was wondering why the frisbee kept getting bigger and bigger,

but then it hit me.


The problem isn’t that obesity runs in your family.

It’s that no one runs in your family.


Two Wi-Fi engineers got married.

The reception was fantastic.

Two Wi-Fi engineers got married The reception was fantastic.


Geology rocks, but geography’s where it’s at.


Light travels faster than sound, which is the reason that some people appear bright before you hear them speak. 


Maybe if we start telling people their brain is an app

they’ll want to use it.


Adam & Eve were the first ones to ignore the Apple terms and conditions.

Read more: Fruit Jokes That Are Berry Funny


Corny Daddy Jokes

Corny daddy jokes are the best jokes ever that will make the whole family laugh even more! You can make them crack up or roll their eyes! You choose! Tell this jokes more funnier than the last one, Dad!


“I’m afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered.”


I used to think I was indecisive. But now I’m not so sure.

I used to think I was indecisive. But now I’m not so sure.


What do a tick and the Eiffel Tower have in common?

They’re both Paris sites.


I was riding a donkey the other day when someone threw a rock at me and I fell off. I guess I was stoned off my ass.


Will glass coffins be a success? Remains to be seen.


The rotation of Earth really makes my day.

The rotation of Earth really makes my day.


‘I have a split personality,’ said Tom, being Frank.


If a parsley farmer gets sued, can they garnish his wages?


I can tell when people are being judgmental just by looking at them.


6:30 is the best time on a clock, hands down.

630 is the best time on a clock, hands down.


I always take life with a grain of salt. And a slice of lemon. And a shot of tequila.


If you don’t pay your exorcist, do you get repossessed?


The first time I got a universal remote control, I thought to myself, ‘This changes everything.’


How does the moon cut his hair?

Eclipse it.


Where do fruits go on vacation?

Pear-is!

Where do fruits go on vacation Pear-is


Summary

Even the simplest jokes can make big difference to you, to everyone, and to those who hears it. Keep looking for more jokes and keep telling them to your person, make them laugh with all these USA Jokes we researched especially for you.

Julia
I am Julia, I love to laugh and I love to make people laugh.